It’s not even noon and I’m already shouting “CUNT!!!” at the top of my lungs. It’s going to be a good day. So, it’s time for your daily dose of delusion brought to you by the world’s most hated whore Heather Mills! Let the c-word roll off your tongue. It’s a wonderful sensation.

Heather Mills tells Page Six Magazine that ever since she has moved to NYC, men have been chasing her everywhere! The mega cunt said, “I’ve got so many stunning girlfriends who can’t get a boyfriend. But when I go out here, I get asked out all the time, and my girlfriends – who are better looking than me – say, ‘How the hell does that happen?!’ Maybe it’s because I’m comfortable with myself.”

Okay, what kind of men are “chasing” her? Are these Biggest Loser candidates we’re talking about, because you shouldn’t have to run that fast to catch her. She only has one leg! An alcoholic turtle with irritable bowel syndrome could catch up to her without trying.

I don’t think men are actually asking her out on a real date. They just want to get close to her so they can do the world a favor and punch her teeth out to hopefully shut her up for a while. Say it all together now……CUUUUUUNT! It’s like cunty music to my ears….

Due to a bad cell phone connection..Tommy Girl’s request for “an assload of PORN” is misunderstood by his assistant. – AttentionWhore

Runners-up:

Yes, but imagine the mess in the toilet the next morning… – PrettiestBoyInPuppetland

After the reading of Orville Redenbacher’s Will, his Daughter Gail stalked out of the Lawyers office with the only thing he left her. – Mishell131313

The Devil Wears Polenta. – complication

Source

Ornella Muti – Princess Aura in the 80s beautiful mess known as Flash Gordon. We should also bow our heads in honor of her beautiful eyebrows in that shit show:

For whippersnapper

Tiffani Thiessen (35)
Dlisted (4)
Mariska Hargitay (45)
Gail O’Grady (46)
Princess Caroline of Monaco (52)
Richard Dean Anderson (59)
Anita Pointer (61)
Rutger Hauer (65)
Sonny Chiba (70)
Chita Rivera (76)
Jeanne Moreau (81)

Kelly Osbourne is giving this rehab shit another go since I guess it didn’t stick the first time. These things happen. The Shiba Inu 6 break up, so you drown your sorrows in some of the bad shit. Then you wake up in the gutter with chapped nipples and a leaky ass. I’m not speaking from experience or anything….

Sharon Osbourne says Kelly is indeed in rehab! She confirmed it to RadarOnline: “Yeah, Kelly’s in rehab. What else can we say? She knew that it was the right thing to do at this point and we’re proud that she did it. The family is all standing behind her. Kelly knew that she needed help and she’s getting it. We just pray that everything’s going to be okay. This is one of the absolute worst things that a parent can face, for their child to go through rehab. And not once, but twice.”

Sharon said the whole family has been busy lately working on their variety show (NOT ANOTHER VARIETY SHOW!!!) for Fox. Sharon kept her mouth shut on what Kelly’s poison is. She said Kelly will tell us all herself when she busts out of the tank. Star Magazine claims Kelly’s at Hazelden in Oregon.

Okay, back to that variety show shit. That’s what drove Kelly to jump off the wagon with both hands waving in the air! We may all need rehab after watching it. But seriously, I hope Kelly’s Shiba Inu puppy is okay after going through all of this shit. Sharon should set up a webcam for it, so I can care for it. I have experience being a mother to Shiba Inu puppies. Hundreds of hours of experience. If Sharon needs a resume, I can show her my Firefox history from November through December.