Hot Slut Of The Day!

/ January 27, 2009

Rob, the crying Giants fan – After a football team called the Giants beat another team called the Redskins (these names mean nothing to me), Rob reacted the same way I did when Rojo Caliente did not win Hot Slut of the Year. I’m joking! Spaghetti Cat is my everything. Anyway, the dude at the end of the video also gets an honorary hot slut award for telling this bitch to shut the hell up about it. And the dumbslutwhorebitchskank known as Bijou Phillips has some words of advice for Rob: “Just buck up and get over it. Stop being such a fucking pansy.”

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Birthday Sluts

/ January 27, 2009

Mikhail Baryshnikov (61)
Lily Donaldson (22)
Rosamund Pike (30)
Josh Randall (37)
Lil Jon (38)
Marc Forster (40)
Tricky (41)
Mike Patton (41)
Alan Cumming (44)
Bridget Fonda (45)
Narciso Rodriguez (48)
Keith Olbermann (50)
Frank Miller (52)
Mimi Rogers (53)
James Cromwell (69)

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Queen, Is That You?

/ January 26, 2009

Oh, shit. For a quick second I thought that was Cleo from Set It Off walking the beach in St. Lucia with Gargamel’s sexier twin Amy Wino. I got excited, because a big bad lezzie is exactly what Wino needs in her life. They will smack you in the teeth and kick you in the crotch bone with their Timberlands if you fuck around. They don’t play.

A while ago, I was getting gross at some bar with a dude who was not my boyfriend at the time. My bull dyke friend grabbed me by the hair and dragged me out of the bar. She told me to take my slutty ass home and stick my asshole under the tub faucet if I wanted some action. That shit turned me on. I would’ve become her woman right then and there, but she threw me in a cab.

That’s the kind of butch love Wino needs. When she’s about to suck on the bad shit pipe, she needs a butchie friend to yank her by the crack nest and beat the fuckery out of her.

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Rock Of Love Bus: Ashley Wants A Cheeseburger

/ January 26, 2009

There were so many herp-puss covered gems during Rock of Love Bang Bus last night that I couldn’t just pick one to share with you. So I’m dropping a few. Like with any ROLBB post, make sure you look at these pictures through a pinhole in a condom to protect yourself from the high-levels of skankness. Grab a rubber and join me after the jump. JUMP!!!!

1. My first favorite moment was when Taya fell off the fucking stage during one of the challenges while wearing a whorey maid outfit. If you’re going to fall off the stage, you might as well be dressed like a whore who does windows. I felt for Taya. I was afraid she popped an ass wart or two. But I was a little surprised that Taya could fall any further since the bitch has already hit rock bottom (i.e. mouth fucking Bret Michaels).

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2. The skanks were told to “dress to impress” for Bret. Most of the whores wore shit straight out of the Flirt Catalog, but Brittanayaaa (or whatever the fuck her name is) gets my “Fine Lady Award” for her sophisticated denim panties. Some of you may not be impressed, but I am. And in Slutonese, “dress to impress” translates into “dress to sell ass.” Now does Britt’s elegant ensemble make sense to you?

3. This picture of Marcia sums up the whole show for me: a bruised up, battered down whore having trouble opening a bottle of tequila. Yes, that’s a metaphor for you to figure out.

4. A drunken Ashley made out with one of the other skanks and then flipped out after she saw the lady beast known as Beverly kissing on Bret’s drummer. When Beverly denied that shit (even she got caught on camera), Ashley responded with: “I want a cheeseburger.” For the record, that is the correct response for EVERYTHING. Clip below:

5. And finally, let’s end with some more words of drunkness from Ashley. When one of the tramps gave Ashley the side-eye for being a boozed up skank, she had this to say: “Get over it. People puke and they poop their pants.” Ashley is the Nietzsche of this generation!

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