But only because the holy vapors floating off of St. Angelina’s precious skin is much too powerful for mere mortals to inhale. You’ll go into a seizure and all you will see is Angie’s hypnotic vagina dancing around singing “Worship me! Worship me!” That’s not something you want to catch. It’s the disease known as Brangiementia. And just to be safe, you might want to cover your mouth while you go through these pictures just in case. Her holiness is that intense.

Tonight in Tokyo, the premiere of THAT BENJAMIN BUTTON’S shit went down. It was the same old, same old. People ate their own tongues from all the excitement. A few babies were born from women that weren’t even pregnant. Eardrums burst because a chorus of angels flew down to serenade the holy couple. Typical shit.

I’m glad that St. Angie made use of the Victoria’s Secret robe I got my mom 10 years ago for her birthday. My mom never wore it because she said it made her ass cheeks cold. That was gracious of Angie to give it new life. Not only does she save babies, but she saves orphaned silk robes too!

This is one hive Winnie the Pooh regretted sticking his paw in – Provolone

Runners-up:

“Hey, no cuts! The line forms here, asshole!” – fauve

She’s been a virgin so long that her cherry rotted and is drawing bugs. – spankypants

Maria could no longer hide the fact that she was using a banana as a dildo. – i_heart_jack

Thanks John

Billy the Elephant! – Billy is the only elephant at the sad L.A. Zoo. There has been a fight about what to do with him. The zoo is planning to build a $42 million elephant exhibit. Bob Barker thinks the zoo should quit the project and he offered up $1.5 million of his own cash to move Billy to a sanctuary in Northern California. Lily Tomlin, Cher, Kevin Nealon, Goldie Hawn, Halle Berry and Tippi Hedren all joined Bob’s army to free Billy! Betty White and Slash were on the other side. They think Billy should stay in L.A. The City Council sided with Team Slash and Betty White. Billy will stay in L.A. and the elephant exhibit will get built.

Personally, I think Billy wants a change of scenery and is ready to head up north. They have In-N-Out up there and that’s all Billy really needs (cheese only, of course).

Source

Tom Selleck (64)
Athina Onassis (24)
Isabel Lucas (24)
Heidi Mueller (27)
Jonny Lang (28)
Andrew Keegan (30)
Sara Gilbert (34)
Kelly Packard (34)
Heather Graham (39)
Edward Burns (41)
Matthew Ashford (49)
Greg Louganis (49)
Oprah Winfrey (55)
Tommy Ramone (57)
Ann Jillian (59)
Katharine Ross (69)
John Forsythe (91)

There’s a vicious, vicious, vicious remake of Bonnie & Clyde currently in the works starring Hilary Duff and Kevin Zegers. If Satan was a chipmunk-fucking movie producer, he would be behind this slaughter party. Shit like this makes me want campaign for a drug free America, because whoever came up with this brilliant idea was definitely shooting up some of the bad, bad shit.

Faye Dunaway is in my box, because the Chicago Sun-Times says that when she was told about it, she said, ”Couldn’t they at least cast a real actress?”

Hilary Duff’s jumbo Chiclets were knocked out of her teeth after hearing those 8 beautiful words from Master Faye. That must have felt like a wire hanger up the ass. Hook first. The truth always destroys.

The last time we left ScarJo’s singing career, she had just finished butchering a bunch of Tom Waits songs. Sad. I hope she gave them a good titty jiggle before they met their demise. Well, ScarJo’s next victim is Jeff Buckley. ScarJo covered Jeff Buckley’s “Last Goodbye” for that I NEED A MAN: The Jennifer Aniston Story movie. The only thing this bitch ScarJo should cover is her fucking mouth.

Okay, ScarJo’s version doesn’t make me want to fuck my ears with skewers, but it’s just not worthy. The bitch has the emotional depth of a crotch crouton. This shit would make sense if it was packaged with a bottle of Nytol, a glass of lukewarm milk and one of those precious body hugging pillows. She sounds like a mouth breather who just overdosed on Tylenol PM. To sleep!

And who is ScarJo the song-butcher going to go after next? If she even tries to cover the legendary musical genius of my life known as Debbie Deb, then you better stay indoors because an out-for-blood homo will be on the loose.

VIA ONTD