A shit load of snow busted all over London this morning! This is exactly what it looks like when Amy Wino sneezes. And I bet Kate Moss thought she fucking died and gone to cokey heaven. Bitch ran outside with a cut-off straw and was ready for a snort party.

Anyway, this is the heaviest snowfall London has seen in like 18 years. This shit has fucked up traffic and closed down shows. It also brought out Lily Allen in her polar bear dick bush hat for a good old-fashioned snowball fight.

You know, snowball fights are a barrel of fucking laughs when you’re a willing participant. But the last time it majorly snowed in NYC, I was walking down the street trying hard not to bust my ass, when a gang of drunk whores spilled out of a bar for a snowball fight. Those fucktards starting throwing balls at anyone who walked by. My stupid ass wore the wrong shoes, so I couldn’t run for it. I had to carefully dodge that shit while calling them all cunts! That made them throw bigger balls at me. It wasn’t not funny! I mean, I love a big white load to the face, but not like that!

Whitney Houston and Bobby Kris have flow in to host this open post for you. Yeah, so you might want to stick the crack pipes underneath the sofa for now. You can bring them back out during the next open post.

And Whitney isn’t flashing the peace sign. To her, that’s the “crack is whack” sign. Or maybe the “Got a doody double? My two fingers can help!” sign? Probably the latter.

Those eyes have seen the flames of Hell close-up! Punxsutawney Phil once again delivered us horrific news: six more weeks of freezing our ass lips off! Motherphuka! Phuck off, Phil!

I swear, Phil’s groundhog hole (or wherever he comes from) probably leads directly to Satan’s bed chambers. He pulled this shit last year! Can’t he just lie to us? Phil can easily waddle out and keep his eyes straight. He doesn’t have to look at his shadow, he can just keep his evil eyes up and straight forward. This bitch wants us all to suffer in pain!

You know, I can’t say I totally blame him. Every year, he has to shuffle out, knowing that a couple of pepaws are going to grab all over his business. He’s making us suffer right along with him. I mean, look at the shit he has to put up with:

By the way, over in Staten Island, Chuck the groundhog didn’t see his shadow which means Spring is coming early! So, who to believe? Yeah, I think we should all roll with Chuck this year.

Happy Groundhog Day, everyone!

Sasha Fierce strikes again! She totally whispered into the vents, “Soooolaaaaange…. Your destiny is to cover Coldplay…. It is your destiny…. fulfill it.” Solange thought the basement voices were speaking to her again and this is how this shit was born. If you stick your ear close to the speaker, you can almost hear Sasha Fierce’s haughty laugh because she got Solange again! Damn!

Even though my ear drums will never be the same, I do like Solange’s “cramped in the basement” moves. These are the moves she pulls when she’s wiggling through the air ducts to escape the basement.

And since we’re on the subject of Sasha Fierce’s fuckery, here’s a bonus clip of an all-stars Single Ladies tribute starring Cubby, Arianna and those three BBWs on THE LOOK AT ME, I”M TY TY BANKS SHOW last week. Ty Ty obviously couldn’t afford Shane Mercado’s services.

Thanks Eli & Amiee

I’ve seen some shit on Twitter that makes my soul scream “Just tell me how much your shit nugget weighs already and let’s get it over with!”, but this takes the fucking cake and throws it across the room. A crazy ho Twittered while her twatty was busy making way for baby. The crazy ho I’m talking about is Erykah Badu. Yeah, twittering during labor is not Baduizm shit.

Yesterday, Erykah and her baby daddy Jay Electronica twittered when she started contractions, when she went into labor and when her new baby came out of her twat. When the placenta was dry, Erykah joked that they named her new baby girl Twitty Milk.

I think it was a joke, but I hope it wasn’t. I mean, Erykah’s other kids are named Seven and Puma, so I would not put it past her. And I think it’s HIGH time for Bronx Mowgli to be dethroned as the baby with the most fucked up name.

But seriously, Erykah has some serious skills if she can type while her pussy is going through some major shit. It’s kind of ridiculous, though. Someone should have called Tyrone and tell him to come on home and stop the Twitter fuckery!

Thanks G