No, this is not the same Open Post host as yesterday. Although, Sugartits Gibson and Alfie’s daddy do have the same features. They are not the same bitch. I think.

Anysatanisyodaddy, you might have already cleared out your brain cookies when you read this shit, so let me just refresh your memory. Alfie Patten is the 13-year-old toddler who somehow found a way to make a baby. This is Alfie’s father. That is not a mask. Everything makes sense now, right?

Devil Patten wouldn’t answer any questions outside of his house, but I just have one for him. Why did he create CROCs and UGGs? Why?! And if Devil Patten ever said he was “over the you know what” about his new grandchild, I’d turn inside out and crawl into the nearest hole.

This is why Solange never gets to leave the basement! When she does she shames the good family name with shit like this! I blurred it out in the header pic above for those of you that work for nipple-haters, but Basement Baby spilled a sandcastle nip at Toni Maticevski’s fashion show in NYC yesterday. I mean, Solange finally won a “Get out of the basement” card during a game of “Beyonce, May I?” and this is what she does?! I know they at least have duct tape or Elmer’s glue in the basement. She could’ve fixed that shit before crawling out the window.

Don’t blame her nip, though. It never gets oxygen down in her dungeon, so it was just trying to breathe in some fresh air while it can.

And the second thumbnail below has changed my life today. Pat Field’s gorgeous eyebrows, basement nip and a ginge?! Perfection.

The next time I should somehow find myself at a Motley Crue concert, I’m so going to throw a bottle of water at Nikki Sixx. Because the shit he would say to me, is the dirty, pornographic crap I like to hear.

At a Motley Crue show in San Diego a couple of weeks ago, Nikki threw a bottle into the audience. Of course, a chick in the audience threw it right back at him and this set Nikki off on a gutter rant.

Nikki pointed out the chick and said, “You think that shit’s funny motherfucker? Suck my dick! Come here! Fuck you.” After the old ass douchebag puffed up his chichis a little more, he went on to yell, “The fact that you’re a fucking whore just means you can suck my dick a little more, bitch. Aw! She’s fucking crying.” I’m fucking crying too. Crying in the no-no from excitement.

If Nikki said that mess to me, I would’ve skipped on stage with knee pads, six Purell dipped condoms, a can of RAID, a gallon of Listerine, a Hazmat crew and a pair of safety glasses (just in case one of his rogue crabs jumped in my eye). I’d be ready to handle business. Don’t threaten me with a good time, Nikki.

Nikki’s rant is at the 1:30 mark in the clip above.

VIA Celebitchy

That’s if this rumor from Ryan Gaycrest (via ONTD) is true. On E! news, Gaycrest says that Vadge’s business partner, Guy Oseary, is executive producing the Twilight sequel, New Moon, and wants to involve the gristle granny somehow. Gaycrest said it’s likely that she’ll take a role in the movie and also put together the soundtrack. Do you hear that? The unicorns from Robert Pattinson’s magical forest are bawling and stabbing each other in the eyes with their horns.

Do the bitches of New Moon want their shit to sweep the Razzies next year? Even Robert’s magical unicorn friends are no match for Vadge’s kiss of the death. If Vadge so much as winks at the script, the entire movie will end up on FAIL Blog.

Does the book even have a character that’s a roidy memaw creature who sucks on the blood of young boys with her toothy sascrotch? If so, then fair enough, because that’s the role Vadge was born to play. I mean, she’s already living it.

Or maybe she’s just going to play a corpse? She convincingly played one in The Next Best Thing, so she’s already proven that she’s the one for the job.

Class & Elegance: The greatest auction in the world. However, where’s the rhinestone covered Jesus Juice sippy cup? – Defamer

Zac Efron can try to butch up his look, but he’ll always be a beautiful lipstick lesbian to me – SOW

Kate Moss isn’t knocked up, her titties just grew. Yeah, confusing. Maybe titties grew in her stomach? Me no understand. – I’m Not Obsessed

Spork falls on catwalk. Thank you, internets – Socialite Life

Fuggie is more ripped than her husband. He obviously needs more meth with his protein shakes – ICYDK

GQ is wrong – Celebitchy

Another reason to hate Duffy – Holy Moly!

And I think that Big Mac settled in her titties. So… Lately, HoHan has been looking like you can find her in a back alley pawing at fish bones while scratching the fleas in her ears. She tells UsWeekly that she doesn’t look like that on purpose.

HoHan said, “I eat. I had my Big Mac yesterday from McDonald’s. People have their ups and downs. Kids in college get DUIs. Everyone goes through something, and everyone can relate to something. I think that I don’t ever want to pretend to be something that I’m not. I’m not perfect; nobody is perfect. If you try to be perfect, you’ll probably go crazy. But you should always accept yourself for who you are. And that’s what I’ve done, and I’m happy.”

HoHan blamed the reason she looks like a spork on “working a lot” (HA!!!!), “stress” and “lack of sleep.”

HoHan might have had a Big Mac, but she washed that shit down with a Supersized line of cokey coke. If bitch wants to do that, she should at least follow it up with a couple of McNuggetinis with extra BBQ sauce. She needs to sip that shit from a straw made out of a french fry. Oh fuck, does a french fry straw exist in reality? Or did I daydream that?