Roseanne already delivered her sermon on the RiRi/Brown situation, but she wasn’t done! Nope, there’s more crazy to go around and it sounds like she’s sort of taking back her original rant. Roseanne gets deep into it and it’s kind of a wild ride. One minute, I’m riding along with her and then she makes a sharp left and totally loses me, but picks me back up at the stop sign.

This shit really crawled into her head, because it sounds like she’s about to write a book on it even though she doesn’t have any of the facts. Maybe she can read minds? Here’s Roseanne’s latest thesis:

women who go back to men who have hit them are usually violent too–they escalate conflict by using verbal humiliation and often throw the first punch, but are then unable to withstand the strength of the man’s counter attack.

Alot of guys hit women because the women are hitting them, verbally abusing them or throwing the keys to their car outside and goading them on, and they lose control of themselves. This is what it sounds like to be in the rhianna-chris brown affair. there is no way out of violence if you are violent. the only way to win is not to play the game.

In the later stages, she won’t leave because her will is destroyed, and a violent line crossed, because once the guy threatens to kill her, it becomes almost impossible for her to leave.

i hope rhianna is getting counseling from a professional counselor who will tell her that there is no way for her to ever win, and that she will have to curtail her own penchant for escalating conflict by screaming at or hitting or humiliating her abuser. I hope he gets real counseling too, that is not from a minister or his mom or any other shame based bullshit method that will never work, and that is designed to avoid dealing directly with self-control issues. I hope that they both leave each other alone and get over their faults.

I hope she does not continue to play the game with him. If they still love each other after they learn self control and conflict resolution, then they can get back together.

Move over, Marilyn Kagan! Didn’t it feel like you should be reading that while lying on a leather sofa and periodically checking the clock to see when your hour is up? Unfortunately, I didn’t walk away with a prescription for some strong shit after reading Roseanne’s rant. But I will probably get a bill in the mail.

And Chris shouldn’t get counseling from his pastor or mom. He should get it from Dr. Roseanne! But I have a feeling it would just end with his chopped off nuts in her hands.

Tameka Foster is back out on the loose, just 11 days after her body freaked out right before she was about to get some fat wet vacced out. The lipo gone wrong reportedly left Tameka in a temporary coma while doctors tried to get her shit together.

A spokeswhore for the Sirio-Libanes Hospital in Brazil confirmed that Tameka checked out on Monday night, but wouldn’t say what she’s up to now.

Usher’s spokesbitch hasn’t said why things went wrong, but the president of the Brazilian Society of Plastic Surgery, Jose Tariki, told the New York Daily News that Tameka told doctors she had a baby four months ago. Bitch was lie-telling, because she knocked out a kid only 2 months ago. Jose went on to say, “After a pregnancy,the abdomen muscle is violently stretched,becomes flaccid and swells. The patient needs six to eight months to return to normal and only then can undergo surgery.”

Does this bitch watch Dick/Tuck?! Everyone knows you’re not supposed to lie about shit when you’re about to go into surgery or wrecks like this happen! Your doctor is really the only ho you should be honest with. Well, your doctor and your dealer.

I just hope Tameka played it smart and didn’t go back to get the job done. I mean, some dumb hos wouldn’t let a little thing called cardiac arrest get in the way of them getting skinny.

Rachel Bilson, Seth Cohen’s forever girl from The OC, and the dude who ruined Darth Vadar are engaged to be married. Their Google search ranking must have fell off the charts, so they decided to pull this. It was either that or a sex tape, but I don’t know if Hayden is up for that shit.

Page Six says some dude was on a flight with Rachel and noticed a ring on her finger, so he asked if she was married. She responded, “I’m not married yet, just engaged. I know I look like I’m 15, but I’m actually 27.” One of Rachel’s friends also told People, “They’re a great couple. Rachel seems thrilled beyond belief.”

I’ve heard a queer story about Rachel’s new fiance, but the friend who told me could’ve been on some of the bad shit and mistook Hayden for some random trick. Who knows. My friend said his nutsack smelled like guinea pig poop. Okay, when a friend tells you something like that, it’s time to check them off the list and walk away. Their services are no longer needed.

Posh Pan’s skinny ass can fly too if you just blow her way – Just Jared

Lauren Conrad staring at some lil’ tits – Egotastic!

John Mayer might be trying to make another funny – Popsugar

Pat Sajak really does love the gays – Towleroad

Everybody’s on cocaine – Videogum

Lucy Liu looks wasted – Hollywood Rag

Haggard ass Kate Moss needs more Photoshop (NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

The Oscars just got sparklier – Lainey Gossip

Dear Gis, I can see your nips – Hollywood Tuna

At least all the fishies survived! – TMZ

Sexy hot Oprah – Cityrag

What do Taylor Hanson, James Iha of Smashing Pumpkins, Adam Schlesinger of Fountain of Wayne and Bun E. Carlos of Cheap Trick have in common? Yeah, they all have dicks. Although, the verdict is still out on Taylor Hanson having one. But seriously, they have nothing in common! The Thompson Twins’ “Nothing in Common” was written for these four! So why the fuck are they forming a super band named Tinted Windows?! They all must have lost the same bet.

The four announced that they have already finished up their debut album due out this Spring. They will play their first big show at South By Southwest in Austin, TX on March 20th. Mark your calendars, because that is the day the music will die.

But I’m keeping a jar of Arby’s Horsey Sauce on hand just in case Tinted Windows becomes the greatest band since Mr. Mister and I’ll have to eat my words.

Source

That top isn’t supposed to be worn like that, right? Those straps were not built for that kind of pressure. It’s like two elephants sitting on a playground swing. That shit is about to SNAP! And if it did, CoCo’s big fucking ass bitties would come tumbling out and explode! A typhoon of titty water and silicone would drown everyone in its path. That’s why if you’re ever going to be in CoCo’s presence, you better bring some damn scuba gear. You know, just in case. But I guess if you gotta go, drowning in CoCo’s silicone juice is the way to do it.

That being said, I’d risk my life to motoboat CoCo’s plasti-chichis.

Here’s the elegant goddess and her pimp at Eli Mizrahi’s fashion week party in NYC last night.