Look at this Julie Andrews-looking bitch. Homegirl thinks she’s being slick, but I know exactly what she’s up to. Bitch probably thinks she’s the ginge fox and is fixin’ to mate with the Silver Fox. Over my fully dead ass lips (shut your mouth, they are 12% alive)! Slutty Andrews better hike up that Talbots skirt and get ready to rumble. The Boo is mine.

Slutty Andrews’ “do me Mah Boo” smile is making me want to find a baby roly poly to flick at! While I’m doing that, feast your eyes on Mah Boo at the Children Mending Hearts Benefit in Los Angeles last night. I’m also pleased to announce that soon I will be hosting the Mah Boo Mending No-Nos Benefit in my dreams tonight.

Lily Allen twittered about her new RiRi-certified finger tattoo that she got last night. Yeah, I don’t know if she was paying homage to Princess RiRi of the Universe of if she thought she was being clever? This is definitely filed under “Stupid crap you might do when you’re on the bad shit.” It’s in Lily’s eyes.

If she got a “for banging only” tattoo on that finger, I might be into it, but this right here is not doing it for me.

And why do I really want to stick that “shhh” finger up her nose in the picture above. It kind of wants to go in.

VIA ONTD

My next Facebook status: “Facebook gave me the cancers!” – Holy Moly!

Spoiler Alert (maybe)! The Bachelor dramaaaaa – ICYDK

The “Over the Moon” watch: Charlie Sheen edition – People

Coldplay got their asses beat by a bunch of girls – Celebitchy

Breaking! JLove exercises her size two ass – Popoholic

The Twilight sequel dodged a roided-up pussay bullet – ONTD

Basement Baby is on a Twitter diet – I’m Not Obsessed

Katy Perry barfs and bolts – Socialite Life

You know, having BABIES!! was never on my list of things to do, but this commercial right here sold me! You might have already seen pictures of the baby mop, but here’s the genius creation in motion.

Now I want a baby friend of my very own! A baby friend who will never learn how to walk, because I need it to clean my floors for the rest of my life. Baby friend will be 12-years-old still wearing that little mop suit.

You know, OctoMommy should get a dozen of these. She could open up a house cleaning service and make some money for herself! For a change…

VIA Buzzfeed

At last year’s costume gala at the MET in NYC, Kate Moss was waiting in a long line to greet the event’s organizers. You know, kind of like when you meet the queen. Well, the biggest QUEEN of them all sashayed by with his robobeard in tow and cut the entire line (not Kate’s kind of line).

This made Kate Moss’ snagtooth throb in anger. She told New York Magazine (via Showbiz Spy), “We stood in line for an hour or something to say hello. We’re going, ‘I can’t believe this. You can’t smoke. You can’t have a drink.’ Tom and Katie just walked right up to the front, and we were like, ‘Who the fuck are they? They’re not even in fashion’.”

Those two twats are NEVER in fashion. And I’m going to co-sign Kate’s “Who the fuck are they?” statement. You know even Suri asks that question whens he gets up in the morning.

In Tommy Girl’s defense, that power bottom always gets to cut a receiving line. But now we know Kate HATES those two and just needs a reason to get rid of them forever. The next time they are in the same room together, it’s someone’s duty as a human being to drop a coke bomb all over Tommy and Katie. Then run to Kate Moss and shout, “The party’s over there.” That coke-eater will snort those two up faster than you can say “GLIB.”

When you make the twatty bug-ridden whores of the Rock of Love Bang Bus look like pristine virgins, it’s time to dip it in Hazmat-made bleach, lock it up and eat the key.

Pamela Anderson walked Richie Rich’s fashion show in NYC last night and right after I looked at these pictures, an appointment card to the Free Clinic was slipped under my door. I’m sure you have one too waiting for you.

Yes, everybody loves an old whore for a quick second, but there comes a time when it’s time to hang up your vag lips. This whore’s legs look like a pot of badly stirred Cream of Wheat and a little sprinkle of sugar is not going to save the day!

And you know how Roseanne said Chris Brown should be castrated? Well, Pam is the one for the job. She just has to kiss the tip and goodbye peen! Seriously, Pam’s face can be found in the back room of my nightmares!

This is some “Sally O’Malley” shit and not in a hot way.