Put a Hazmat bag over this wonk-eyed, jizz-lipped skank ostrich – Hollywood Rag

Heidi Klum is still naked in GQ Germany – Egotastic!

Brit Brit’s Fe is at the wheel again – Popsugar

Halle Berry is wearing my aunt’s wallpaper as a dress, but she’s still hot – Hollywood Tuna

Steve Wilkos better be playing Roxy (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Jessica Biel is going straight to DVD. Where the bitch belongs – Lainey Gossip

And the Best Nippie Slip goes to…. – Cityrag

OctoMommy is not buying a million dollar house. She was just there to shoot Dr. Phil! Ugh – Just Jared

I think I’ve given a handjob to each one of these self-hating gays – Towleroad

“Hey, man! I’m crazy bag head and I want some caaaaaaaaaaandy!”

You know Lady CaCa and Basement Baby are at Loehmann’s right now buying clearance bin purses so that they can recreate this epic fuckery Isaac Mizrahi sent down the runway yesterday. You thought trying to find shit in your purse was torture, wait until you wear this mess.

Isaac should also make an extra large version that goes right over the damn face. I’ll empty out my anal bleaching fund to buy one for Tori Spelling.

Mimi and Nick Cannon’s marriage will turn 1-year-old on April 30th. This is 363 days longer than I thought it would last. I feel like I should lick the crotch of a Hello Kitty doll as punishment.

You know, even if Mimi wanted to get a divorce, she’d have to drag her mantoy’s ass with her to the lawyer’s office, because he can’t let go! The money is on his hands at all times! Gold diggers of the world, this is how it’s done.

Here’s Mimi and Nick leaving Mr. Chow last night in Beverly Hills. How many dudes does it take to get the unicornie rainbow butt plug princess into a car?! Is homegirl filled with hot air and in danger of floating away? Oh, wait.

Mickey Rourke’s face may look like a Michael Myers’ mask marinated in boric acid and then charbroiled over an open flame, but he’s the first one to admit that. Mickey said his face got all jacked up from boxing and the plastic surgeon he went to butchered it even more.

Mickey said, “Most of it was to mend the mess of my face because of the boxing, but I went to the wrong guy to put my face back together. I had my nose broken twice. I had five operations on my nose and one on a smashed cheekbone. I had to have cartilage taken from my ear to rebuild my nose and a couple of operations to scrape out the cartilage because the scar tissue wasn’t healing properly. That was one of the most painful operations, but the worst was hemorrhoids.”

I will never forgive Mickey for the last part of that last sentence. It’s bad enough that his face already looks like a puss-filled roid sprinkled with curry powder, but now I’m picturing what an actual Rourke roid looks like. That shit probably looks like an over-microwaved piece of gristle covered in La Victoria chunky hot sauce and garnished with pork rind bits. The devil made me do it. And then for some reason I imagine him sticking a roid needle in his actual roid….and then… I think I’m going to blackout.

While I go and find some smelling salts, look at these pictures of Mickey Rourke arriving at LAX yesterday. Rourke’s roid… Not today!

Brand new Kabbahalist Jesus will get to off his shiny red string this Sunday, because he will be Vadge’s official guest at Vanity Fair’s Oscar party. Oh, Vadge. Still making everything about her. Yes, the attention whore dildo is still perfectly wedged in her roidy cooch and shows no signs of ever moving.

OK! Magazine says Vadge and her child have been planning their coming out party all week. A source said, “Madonna is planning on using the Vanity Fair party to introduce Jesus to the world as her new boyfriend, and she wants everything to be perfect!”

Why stop at just bringing him to the party? If Vadge really wants all cameras on her new baby, she should go even further. Vadge should come as a pregnant Virgin Mary and a naked Jesus can pop out of her snatch halfway down the red carpet. There’s enough room in there for him to hang out in until it’s time.

They can be wheeled in on a Vegas-themed manger with shirtless dancers dressed as farm animals grinding around them. You know the idea has crossed her mind….

Here’s more pics of Miley Cyrus’ trick looking gayer than Gayken’s glazed donut hole – Popbytes

People don’t hate Ann Coulter, says Ann Coulter! Dude is seriously crazy – Jezebel

No more titty baring for Kate Winslet – Celebitchy

MiserAlba won an award for her acting skills! – I’m Not Obsessed

Danica Patrick is a Brangaloonie – SOW

Mickey Rourke is really having the worst week ever – Holy Moly!

Beyonce is shooting her next video at the beach. The glittery gays of YouTube are already scouting local sand boxes to recreate this shit in – Socialite Life

More Fockers – ICYDK