To celebrate West Side Story’s return to Broadway, Vanity Fair shot an homage to the musical starring Camilla Belle (as Maria), JLo (as Anita), Rodrigo Santoro (as Bernardo), Chris Evans (as Riff) and Ben Barnes (as Tony). Other whores including Brittany Snow, Jay Hernandez, Robert Pattinson, Ashley Jizzdale, Cam Gigandet and Drake Bell also make cameos throughout. If you’re trying to spot the sparkly vampire, just follow the flying unicorns to the back of this picture where he’s glittering it up with Brittany Snow.

The acting faces in these pictures are worthy of a million Razzies. While Camilla Belle is purdy, she looks like an unlit candle and has the emotional depth of one too. And JLo. JLO! JLo as fucking Anita. I think I’ll go back to San Juan, because if I stay here I’ll slap a baby newt over this fuckery. Was Rita Moreno previously booked? Or Chita Rivera? Or Iris Chacon? Or Salma Hayek? Or Charo? Or Skeletor? Or La Pequena? Or any bitch but JLo!

And where in Officer Krupke hell is Anybodys?! That boygirl was always my favorite. All Vanity Fair had to do was ring up Rojo Caliente. Rojo already has the looks and attitude to pull it off.

The bitch at Details responsible for putting “HOW JESUS CAN SAVE YOUR CAREER” on the same cover as A-Roidy needs a platter of Sno-Balls and a nut lick for a job well done. That is how genius is made.

Baby Jesus did save A-Roidy’s career, because if he was still finger banging Vadge’s roidy cooze, he probably would’ve lost an arm by now. You can’t do baseball shit without an arm. Not to mention, A-Roidy also walked away with his shriveled-up balls still intact, I think. Although, his pained face on the cover looks like someone just did ripped his nuts out. Or maybe he’s just constipated. Getting butt fucked by Vadge’s strap-on can do that to a ho.

Vadge is now Baby Jesus’ problem.

Here’s some pictures of oh-so-vain A-Roidy in Details. That shit looks like it was shot in my first NYC apartment complete with the tire (I didn’t ask any questions). But the crack house set totally fits. Bitch looks like he’s getting ready to dance with a needle.

And in the first thumbnail below, he totally does that every night when thinking about Vadge since her arms are almost as muscly as his. He misses her so now that she’s sucking on Baby Jesus (my catechism teacher will be so proud).

The dick bags of Daisy of Love including these precious mini-Bret Michaels. Seriously, these trannies are prettier than she is – Vh1 Blog

Don’t count Mariska Hargitay out for the rest of the season – Celebitchy

Just when I was about to say something nice (sort-of) about Pony Parker, I see the UGGS on her hooves – ICYDK

Usher pops the Cristal and parties with his hos in Paris – Socialite Life

Kristen Stewart should be getting ready to play Joan Jett by taking some damn acting classes – I’m Not Obsessed

Alyson Hannigan is about to blow – SOW

The Tampon Vampire – Buzzfeed

And Iiiiiiiii….really think this is a shitty idea – YBF

The third Transformers movie (working title: Easy Money 3) is a go for 2011 – Popoholic

Vadge may give Baby Jesus a playmate around his own age – Hollyscoop

The snake fucker and Scientologist is getting married – Bitten and Bound

Adele should hook-up with Pete Wenz – Holy Moly!

Pete Burns of Dead or Alive was hospitalized last week after a bunch of kidney stones fucked with his organs. The Sun says that 49-year-old Pete underwent a 5-hour surgery on his kidneys after doctors found 8 kidney stones. They were unable to get them out because of a blockage. Pete is now laid up and hopefully floating above the clouds thanks to a morphine drip. Pete was able to type through the pain and wrote a message on his website.

Pete wrote, “I’m in a very serious condition on 24 hours intravenous morphine for the pain. Intravenous fluid as I’m so dehydrated and the kidneys can’t retain the liquid. I’m critically ill and under 24 hours observation and will be in hospital for quite a long time.”

Let the morphine drip take you on a ride and get better, Pete. Those gorgeous eyebrows need you.

Since we’re on the subject of Pete Burns, (NSFW) click here to see a picture that lands in my inbox almost daily. I’ve seen it a trillion times, but it’s a classic. Beware, you might need a morphine drip yourself after looking at this shit. Shit being the keyword.

These pictures of Amy Wino in London today look like they were taken at some premiere, but she’s actually arriving at court! Only this crazy crackie would smile and pose like she’s ready to down some champagne. Bitch, you’re going to court! Most of us growl, throw our fits up in the air and cry when we have to step foot in a courthouse for whatever reason. This crackette looks fucking thrilled. Maybe they told her there’s a heroin, computer duster, weed, and vodka buffet waiting inside? Hey, but at least she got hosed down for the occasion. And her crack chichis are looking spectacular. Just look and don’t touch. Motorboating a Wino may cause seizures, foaming at the mouth and a severe addiction to ice pops.

The former Crackie of Camden was in court today to answer to charges that she whooped a trick at a charity event back in September. It was a quick affair. Wino stumbled in, pleaded “not guilty” and then stumbled out. She should have just pleaded “WINO,” which is code for “above the motherfucking law.” How dare the court tear away her crackhive from its pipe for this shit!

BABIES!!! BABIES!!! BABIES!!! We’re all drowning in BABIES!!! this week. Go look in your refrigerator and I’m sure there’s a baby chilling in there. Charlie Sheen brought twins, as did Jenna Jameson. Carson Daly and his girlfriend Siri Pinter have added another member to the baby army. A boy. Siri gave birth to another oxygen-stealer this past Sunday in Los Angeles.

Carson’s spokeswhore told People that Carson and Siri named him Jackson James Daly. JJ weighed in at 7 lbs., 8 oz. I can’t really say shit on his name, but Jackson James does kind of sound like a wine you’d buy on special at Albertson’s. Besides that, it’s totally absolutely every kind of normal.

You know how whores usually say shit like, “Awwww. baby has his father’s eyes.” I hope they weren’t saying this to JJ. If that’s the case then Siri popped out a giant eyeball with two little legs and arms. Carson’s got eyes that even STAINS can’t stand up to. While Stains can eat cupcakes with his eyes, Carson can make ’em, frost ’em and box ’em with his googly eyes.