Birthday Sluts

/ March 19, 2009

Ruth Pointer (63)
Ana Rezende (26)
Rachel Blanchard (33)
Vida Guerra (35)
Nadja Auermann (38)
Michael Bergin (40)
Neil LaBute (46)
Bruce Willis (54)
Harvey Weinstein (57)
Glenn Close (62)
Ursula Andress (73)
Renee Taylor (76)

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R.I.P. Natasha Richardson

/ March 18, 2009

Natasha Richardson passed away at the young age of 45. Natasha never recovered after falling during a ski lesson in Montreal on Monday. Her family issued this statement today:

“Liam Neeson, his sons, and the entire family are shocked and devastated by the tragic death of their beloved Natasha. They are profoundly grateful for the support, love and prayers of everyone, and ask for privacy during this very difficult time.”

I really don’t know what to say, so I can only offer condolences to her family and friends. May Natasha Richardson rest in peace. She will be greatly missed.

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Two Gobs Of Goop

/ March 18, 2009

This is Vadge and Fishy at a Valentino party at the Oak Room in NYC last night. The Oak Room was temporarily renamed Lucifer’s Tomb when these two assholes were there.

What in macrobiotic hell do these two smug cunts talk about? A better question would be, how did that room survive their ridiculousness? The insane amounts of pretentiousness blowing through that room is enough to strip the finish off all that wood. The wine in that glass probably quickly tried to evaporate itself, so it wouldn’t have to listen to these two British rejects blather on about their perfect bowel movements, taut vaginas, GOOP and Kabbalalahahhaha. Even the terra cotta on Valentino’s skin is about to crack off all over Anne Hathaway.

And I really think that Vadge is eating fetuses, because her skin is looking so toddler-like. That some Dumplings shit right there.

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Assault With A Deadly Pussy

/ March 18, 2009

Kenley Collins, the screechy tugboat captain’s daughter from Project Runway 5, was arrested in Brooklyn yesterday morning after she went fucking insane on her fiance and woke him up by throwing a cat at him! Only this looneytard….

The New York Post says that Zac Penley woke up to a pussy in his face and it wasn’t the one he was having a wet dream over (Heidi Klum). The pussy was just the grand opening. Kenley also threw her laptop, three apples (FRUIT ABUSE) and water at him. Zac crawled to a phone and called 911. After the attack, Kenley reportedly told him, “You’re lucky, it could have been worse.”

TMZ says Kenley was charged with a bunch of shit including “2nd degree assault, 3rd degree assault and criminal possession of a weapon in the 4th degree.”

After she was released without bail, Kenley told The Post, “It was a miscommunication. Fights happen, And that’s that. There is no case.” Yeah, tell that to the poor pussy who was thrown across the room. I really hope that before that pussy quit that bitch, it pissed and went caca in all of Kenley’s stupid hats.

You know, Kenley probably realized that if she married Zac she would become KENLEY PENLEY. That’s what drove her over the edge.

Kenley Penley the pussy thrower is like the worst person ever.

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Kevin Spacey Stops For Big Penis

/ March 18, 2009

Big ole’ girl was trolling through London last night when he pulled the breaks on his boots after seeing a big penis in the window of a store. Luckily, Kevin’s friend got him away from the store before bitch jumped through the window to sit on that book. Kevin had that look in his eye like his ass was ready to pounce. His donut hole was definitely making cream.

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Don’t Stop Believing!

/ March 18, 2009

Jenna Jameson’s twin boys slid down her Drop Out coochie on Monday in Newport Beach and we finally know their names. Well, InTouch claims they know anyway. According to sources, Jenna and Baby Huety named their boys Jesse and Journey Jett. Journey fucking Jett. I guess Old Milwaukee Trans Am and Natty Ice Pinto were already taken in her family.

I mean, was Journey Jett born with a mullet and wearing a cut-off monster truck t-shirt? Poor kid probably already has a police record thanks to his name. That’s a name a judge was meant to say. Damn, Jenna! And I bet you Sunbeam Bread stock is going to go through the fucking roof!

But then again, Journey is the greatest band ever. “Don’t Stop Believing” can be played in church or at a strip club. It’s the theme song of our lives!

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