Nicole Richie does her best Lady CaCa impersonation in Blackbook, but she’s missing a very important element to perfect the look: a totally busted ass face! – Popsugar

Tupac lives! (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Remember Criss Judd? Yeah, me neither – Lainey Gossip

In Cougartown, the old bitches can’t dress for shit – Hollywood Tuna

The Silver Fox is just being modest. He just knows that if he wriggles it, no-nos will explode – Towleroad

Thom Yorke goes topless in Rio – Just Jared

Blohan is in Nylon Magazine for absolutely no damn reason – Egotastic!

Natasha Ellie is the latest bitch who supposedly sent Chris Brown that novel-long text message – Hollywood Rag

Fuck that bitch Stacy London! Go Whoopie! – Popeater

Chipmunk in shorty shorts – Popoholic

Sex doll jackets – Cityrag

Kate Moss isn’t going to let a pesky thing called “having a child at home” get in the way of her partying until the early morning hours all week. If momma doesn’t get her pussy drunk, she’s not happy.

The Sun says Kate partied like a Moss for the fourth night in a row yesterday with Count Von Count. Kate didn’t roll up into her house until after 4 in the morning. And about halfway through her night, bitch changed outfits, because her first one probably got a little dusty with coke particles.

Don’t worry about Kate’s little girl! Children can take care of themselves these days. Just plop them in front of the TV, give them an empty Jack Daniels bottle to play with and a Goo Goo Cluster to eat for dinner. Hey, it has nuts and that’s protein!

Camerooooooooooon! Thanks to RuPaul and Bebe Zahara Benet, “Camerooooon” is my favorite thing to sing all day and night. Whenever it rolls off my tongue, I instantly think of a macaroon instead which makes me hungry, which leads me to the kitchen, which makes search for something resembling a macaroon, which causes me to settle for a handful of dried coconut flakes instead. For a second I’m distracted by the coconut flakes, but then my mind immediately wants my mouth to say “Camerooooooon” again. Repeat.

Anyway, the First Lady of Camerooooon, Chantal Biya, brought her beauty out today to say farewell to Pope Eggs Benedict who was visiting her country.

The lions must bow down and weep at their own averageness every time they come into contact with Chantal Biya’s luscious mane. Not to mention her glorious eyebrows that artists spend decades trying to recreate in paintings. Exquisiteness.

And in the first thumbnail below, how many people do you think it took to get Chantal up after she bowed to the Pope?

Rosie O’Donnell looks so cushy stuffed into her plastic vagina mitts from Hell. Hopefully, that pair she’s wearing isn’t covered into much toe jelly, because that shit might have to last her a while. You see, the heavens opened up and the angels have sung. The destructive eyeball killers who have brought so much fugness to this planet might be sent back to the fiery depths of Hell where they were born. Women’s Wear Daily says the company is in trouble.

CROCS released a report by the accounting firm Deloitte & Touche LLP that states they’re in danger, girl. Their stock is down 19 percent and last February, they reported a loss of $183.6 million. The year before, they posted a profit of $168.2, so the company isn’t doing well. They replaced their CEO and cut costs in hopes that they are able to swim out of the red this year.

Run to the mirror, smile wide and then cackle like CHERYL BURKE about to cast a black magic spell on of her contestants. That is my face right now.

But seriously, I don’t want a shit load of whores to lose their jobs, so I have an idea. Obviously, the people of the world have stepped out of the fug cloud and decided they no longer want to degrade their feet with that trash, so CROCS has to change things up. They already have all that plastic, so the obvious move is to get into the DILDO business! All they have to do is drop the R and there’s their new company name!

IN THIS ECONOMY, almost everyone is getting fucked, so we might as well get fucked with a bright, shiny rod of plastic.

Here’s CROCS (not cocs) lover Rosie with Kathy Griffin and Gloria Estefan in Miami yesterday.

Saturday Night Live can easily air this commercial for Fornarina starring Blohan AS IS. They don’t need to add anything else for more laughs. It’s all there. If a junior college film major tried to make an avante-garde video homage to JEM! and failed in a massive way, this is what it would look like.

For the rest of the day, I’m going to walk around, point at random things and say shit like, “Smash. Crash. Glam. Pink.”

And here’s some pictures of the Crack. Head. Crazy. Ho. looking like she needs an IV drip and some Jello while leaving a medical clinic in Beverly Hills the other day.

There’s no way Zac Efron is going to fuck with the pretty (or his manicure) by pumping gas. Zac is way too fragile and pristine for that business, so he forced his main homegirl Vanessa Hudgens to get her ass out of the car to fill up her own hole. Something tells me she’s used to sticking foreign objects into a gassy hole. And Zac just smiles.

Zac should try it sometime. Pumping gas that is. When I lived in L.A., one of my favorite things to do was to stick it in, stand back and just inhale the fumes…. This is explains why I only have half a brain cell that you have to hit to get working.