Hot Sluts Of The Day!

/ March 23, 2009

Milton, Monty, Maude, Margot, Maggie and Molly – Valentino’s six precious and spoiled ass pugs who go wherever he goes. They even have their own damn butler. Only 5 are featured here, because the other one is probably getting its ass wiped with silk. Valentino’s pugs are also the scene stealers of the documentary Valentino: The Last Empreor which opened in NYC last week.

For Susan

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Birthday Sluts

/ March 23, 2009

Ric Ocasek (60)
Princess Eugenie of York (19)
Nicholle Tom (31)
Keri Russell (33)
Michelle Monaghan (33)
Poe (41)
John Bobbitt (42)
Richard Grieco (44)
Hope Davis (45)
Catherine Kenner (50)
Amanda Plummer (52)
Chaka Khan (56)

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Skanky Toilet Roll!

/ March 22, 2009

Kate Moss loves the bad shit, but apparently it doesn’t love her back, because it turns her into a raging beastly wolf who will knock down bathroom stall doors to get a little time with it. Last week, the mother of the millennium partied for four straight nights in a row and it the fun came to a crash when she flipped out in the bathroom at a club in London.

The Sun says that the big bad whorebag blew into the ladies room at Volstead and caused chaos when she found out all the stalls were taken. That selfish ass whore bag! Other skanks need their nose medicine too! Damn. A source said, “She barged into the ladies and when she realised there were no cubicles free she starting kicking one of the doors, shouting: ‘Hurry up or I’ll kick the fucking door down.” Yeah, I’m sure she screamed, “I’ll chop and I’ll cut and I’ll snort your lines up!

The bathroom attendant tried to calm Kate down and gave her some tissue to use when it was her turn. Kate threw it back and shouted, “I don’t want any of your skanky toilet roll.

If a toilet roll had eyes, it would have given Kate a side-eye that could kill. Who the fuck is that bitch calling a skanky toilet roll?! In fact, Kate’s Wikipedia page should say “Katherine ‘Kate’ Moss is an English model and a skanky toilet roll.

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Harrison Finally Asked

/ March 22, 2009

This past Valentine’s Day, Harrison Ford got on one knee and asked Calista Flockhart to be his third wifey friend. I’m sure the happy moment was short-lived when Harrison’s hip almost went out, he got a charley horse and he farted when he tried to get up. Oldies do that. And then Calista probably fell the fuck over, because the ring was too heavy for her skinny ass to hold up.

Some source told People that after 7 years of dating, 66-year-old Harrison gave 44-year-old Calista a ring while they were on vacation. Their spokeswhores have zipped up their lips and aren’t saying shit about this matter.

Harrison is probably over her ass and figures the best way to get her off his old tired back is to marry her, because marriage kills the love! Or maybe he’s hoping their wedding reception will be a costume party and that will give him an excuse to wear that amazing shit in the picture above. Oh fuck, I hope he wears that.

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Raise Your Mug Of Sanka To Emma Heming!

/ March 22, 2009

The newest member of the Gold Diggers Club is 32-year-old model Emma Heming who married 54-year-old Bruce Willis last night on the island of Turks and Caicos in the Caribbean. Look at Emma! She’s so fucking excited about all the cash she’s going to roll around in that she can barely open her damn eyes! Bitch is getting shit done. She might look like she’s an overgrown fetus, but she knows how to do business. And now the old billy goat has a shiny toy to show around!

This is Bruce’s second marriage and you better believe it won’t be his last. Trust this.

UsWeekly says guests included Bruce’s ex-wife Demi Moore, her child Ashton Kutcher, Tater Head and the other Willis fuglets.

I’m sure Ashton is creaming douche jelly over this, because he finally has some company at the children’s table at Thanksgiving dinner!

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Jade Goody Has Passed Away

/ March 22, 2009

Jade Goody has passed away at the really, really young age of 27. Jade passed away in her sleep early this morning, Mother’s Day in the UK, after a short battle with cervical cancer.

Jade died at her home in Essex while surrounded by her family. Jade’s mother told the press after her daughter had passed, “My beautiful daughter has gone to sleep, has gone.”

Jade is survived by her husband Jack and her two young sons Bobby, 5, and Freddy, 4. The fact that she leaves behind two little boys makes this especially sad and tragic.

Rest in peace, Jade…

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