Felix Cane – Felix is like the Michael Phelps of pole dancing (you’re welcome for that image). Felix won Miss Pole Dance World 2009 in Jamaica! Watch her performance below. Bitch does some major Cirque de HOleil shit! Who knew that a woman with a name that sounds like a character out of a Charles Dickens novel would have serious moves like this? This is what we need to see at the next Olympics. Git that gold, Felix!

Andrew W.K. (30)
Ceiling Eyes (24)
Frenchie Davis (30)
Rosario Dawson (30)
Chris Diamantopoulos (34)
Tamia (35)
Ghostface Killah (39)
Amber (40)
David Gahan (47)
John Corbett (48)
Amy Hill (56)
Alley Mills (58)
Billy Joel (60)
Candice Bergen (63)
Clint Holmes (63)
James L. Brooks (69)
Glenda Jackson (73)
Albert Finney (73)

I’ve always liked this Megan Fox trick, because she is a proud card carrying member of The Slut Club. But Megan should probably not do that thing called thinking, because that’s how quotes like the one she gave Elle Magazine are born. In the with Elle, Megan kind of dumped on ScarJo for trying to be all smart and shit.

Megan said, “I don’t want to have to be like a Scarlett Johansson — who I have nothing against, but I don’t want to have to go on talk shows and pull out every single SAT word I’ve every learned to prove, like, ‘Take me seriously, I am intelligent, I can speak.’ I don’t want to have to do that. I resent having to prove that I’m not a retard — but I do. And part of it is my own fault. I’m just really confident sexually, and I think that sort of oozes out of my pores. It’s just there. It’s something I don’t have to turn on.”

And then Megan toppled over, because she had a brain aneurysm from trying to process so many thoughts at once.

Seriously, learning SAT words? Megan, kitten, don’t hurt yourself now. If you try to think anymore, your purdy little head might combust and then there will be cobwebs everywhere. You don’t want that. We know you’re the Albert Einstein of whores, so just take it easy.

One more thing, I know you think that green smegma oozing out of your pores is “sexual confidence,” but it’s actually dumbassness. That’s also what happens when you think. Don’t do that!

VIA SS

Mel Gibson and his wifey were separated for a couple of years before she dropped divorced papers into his lap, right? Why would she suddenly want to legally quit his ass after two years of being broken up? The National Enquirer (via Showbiz Spy) says that the reason might have been because Mel’s new whore is carrying his latest spawn. File this under: The Passion of the NOOOOO!!!

A source said that Oksana Grigorieva is about three months pregnant. Late last month, Mel gathered his whole family around and let them all know the horrific news. Mel’s oldest sons, Edward and Christian, immediately hired lawyers to make sure their trust funds are safe. The source went on to say, “They are quite upset. Even though Mel assured them the pregnancy was unplanned, they’re furious with him and say they’re going to take steps to protect their inheritance, which they feel is in jeopardy.”

Cue my Catholic abuelita screaming SANTO DIOS again! A married Catholic knocking up his married whore who has the face of an OctoCrazy? Typical shit.

If this is true, I have to hand it to OctoSana. Bitch knows how to get that money in record time. She saw, he came, she conquered, I barfed.

RiRi will not be outdone by that low-budget trick Cassie! It was “Cassie’s got her pierced tittays out” week, but now it’s “RiRi’s got her pierced alien balls out” week. Maybe. Some pictures claiming to be a totally nekkid RiRi have hit the interwebs. I don’t know if they are fake or not, but what I want to know is why do these hos keep taking pictures of themselves with camera phones? Can’t they do this shit with a real camera? Go pro or go home is what I say.

(NSFW) Click here to see RiRi in all her alien glory.

First of all, that is Paula Abdul with her mother. Her mother is absolutely stunningly gorgeous, right? The Grey Gardens teefs, the eyebrows that are reaching for Jesus and the face that only Dixie Carter’s plastic surgeon could love…… Totally beautiful! I see where Paula gets her crazy. Speaking of…

A few days ago, an interview Paula gave to Ladies Home Journal started making the rounds, because she told them that she was addicted to painkillers for a few years and even had to go into rehab for it. They quoted Paula and now she’s saying they made everything up! Paula issued this statement to E!:

“I want to make it perfectly clear to everyone that I have never been addicted to or abused drugs in my life. I have never been drunk. I have never entered a rehab or detox treatment center.

I spent time hiking, bicycling, doing yoga and enjoying the spa. As anyone who has visited the La Costa Resort knows, it is a luxury hotel, not a rehab facility.”

She was soaring through a cloud of Vicodin dust during that interview. That’s why she doesn’t remember.

Paula also needs to quit that “I’ve never been drunk” noise. Why is it so awful being called a pill-popping drunk?! Some of the history’s greatest people were junkies who were a slave to the bottle. Paula shouldn’t be ashamed. She should just pop a doll and let them embrace her. Because if she hasn’t been drunk or addicted to the good shit, then she’s basically saying that she’s 100% naturally IN-FUCKING-SANE. Oh, wait. Maybe she is telling the truth after all. Carry on!

Image: Wireimage