And you thought Miss California and Miss Teen South Carolina brought the dumbs? Well, this profound ho right here has trumped their asses! Giosue Cozzarelli, a contestant in Miss Panama 2009, gave the hottest answer ever when asked about her thoughts on a Confucius quote.

If I was her, I would’ve just shimmied my chichis and thrust my crotch to take the focus off my WTF answer.

Bitch still should have won for her accidental comedy skills alone.

VIA Jezebel

The pap who got this picture is pure evil for putting some no-no-killing images in my head. Fuggie + 69 + taco = weepy genitals.

IN THIS ECONOMY, 69 cents for Fuggie’s charbroiled taco is still robbery. And you do not want to be anywhere near that taco when it pops! Because when it pops, the golden showers come a’ flowing. NO.

Tom Cruise speaking about Study Technology

Gawker found this old video of a Cojo-haired Mr. Tommy Girl dropping Hubbard-isms while speaking about some shit called “study technology” at a Scientology event. I don’t speak fluent E.T., so I kind of had no idea what the hell he was blabbing about. He says something about through his sheer determinism he learned he was falsely diagnosed with Dyslexia. Or something. I don’t know.

I’m not a doctor, but I can officially diagnose him with a disorder known as CrazyAsAMotherfucker-itis.

And you know that while he was talking the only thing on his mind was sweaty peen. That’s it. Just sweaty peen.

P.S. – If you shut your eyes, it kind of sounds like an extended ITT-Tech commercial.

The Crackie of the Caribbean’s triumphant return to the stage ended last night in a storm of booooooos and hisssssses! Amy Wino’s whores blamed it on the rain (that was fallin’ fallin’), but the audience blamed it on her janky ass performance.

At last night’s St. Lucia Jazz Festival, Wino fucked up the words to her own diddies, stumbled around, did a bunch of drunk ho stuff and that wasn’t what the audience signed up for. They awarded her fuckery by jeering her ass. Wino fought back by giving them a couple of “fuck yous” before she lurched back to her crack nest.

Wino’s whores didn’t acknowledge the boos in this statement they gave to the Daily Mail: “Amy would like to express her disappointment that weather forced the abandonment of her show at the St Lucia Jazz Festival last night. Amy and the band tried to soldier on but the set had to be cut short. Amy is very disappointed as St Lucia has been wonderful to her and its people have welcomed her with open arms, but circumstances beyond anyone’s control meant that this special show did not go as planned.”

I’m a little disappointed in Wino too. Only because all she gave the audience was a weak ass “fuck you.” Maybe Wino isn’t ready for this shit yet, because the old ho would’ve hiked up her dress, straightened her crack hive, jumped into the audience and handled those haters. Bitch would’ve shanked, bit, stabbed, ate, punched, kicked, sliced, diced and decapitated any ho that got in her way. It would’ve been a massacre! That is the kind of entertainment we’ve come to expect from this crackie!

Who ordered two chicken fried steaks with a side of cutlets and giblets? If you want some gravy, just ask and Phoebe Price will squeeeeze.

It looks like Chicken Cutlets has almost recovered from her horrifying accident that happened over a week ago. You can’t keep a good chickenhead down for too long! Yes, one of her wings is in a brace, but that didn’t keep PP from bringing her pose game to the streets of Los Angeles yesterday. Oh, how they have been lonely without her. And does anyone think her pooch Henry has a guilty “Ahs Fixed Dah Brakes” look on his face?

Tobey Maguire and his wife thing, Jennifer Meyer, had one of those baby creatures yesterday in Los Angeles. Methinks they both fell asleep during labor, because even they aren’t susceptible to their own boredom. But thankfully, they woke up again and managed to push out their second BABY!!!!! Their spokeswhore told People that they had a baby boy. But of course, we don’t know the name yet.

Tobes and Jenny already have a 2-year-old daughter they call Ruby. Does this mean they are going to name their son Diamante? Or maybe Rhinestone? Or Dazzles? Yeah, I fucking wish. They are going to bring the bores with a name like Jacob, which is the number one baby name of 2008. AGAIN.

Jacob has held the top spot for boy names for ten years. Jacob is always keeping Michael down. The name Michael hasn’t been on top since ’98. Which is funny because that’s the last time this Michael was on top too if I ain’t being too subtle. Yes, I always have to go THERE!

Click here to see the top BABY NAMES!!! of ’08.