A while ago, Wanda Sykes announced that the peen wasn’t for her and the vag is where it’s at it. Now Wanda has announced that she is a mommy to not one, but two BABY!!! friends. Wanda and her wife, Alex, welcomed twins into this cruel world on April 27th. That’s what her rep told People.

I didn’t know Wanda was married either, but it’s not like I’m all up in her life. Apparently, Wanda and Alex managed to make it legal on October 25, 2008 before Prop 8. crashed the party and killed the fun.

Wanda’s wife gave birth to a girl they named Olivia Lou and boy they named Lucas Claude. “All are happy and healthy and at home,” says Wanda’s spokeswhore.

Yeah, normal names. What kind of GD celebrity does Wanda think she is? Didn’t she get the memo that celebwhores are only allowed to give their babies names of things found in the produce section of your local grocery store? Or of Disney characters nobody cares about? Shit Wanda, get with the program.

But seriously, a million congratulations to Wanda, her wifey and their new bundles of diarrhea and barf. I’m sure she’s happy now, but wait until they start ruining her wet dreams with their crying and eating her shoes. Oh, wait do babies eat shoes? That might only be puppies.

Like all Disney child stars, Dumbo fell into a downward spiral of indiscriminate sex and poor career moves. – jazzfish_77

Runners-up:

Sombody didn’t follow the Allstate 3-second rule – Provolone

No matter how they try to rehabilitate them, you can always spot one of the wild animals that were removed from Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch. – NitWitty

Looks like “somebody” hacked into Dumbo’s computer and released his sex tape…the things hos do to get a headline! – jppuertorico85

I don’t know if elephant fornication is NSFW, but the full monty is after the jump just in case. JUMP!!!!

Thanks D

Chiara – It’s Eurovision time which means beautiful disasters all over Europe dust off their fuckery and take the stage to dazzle the world! This is Chiara with the winning song from Malta called “What If We?” What if we cuddled up next to her gorgeous eyebrows and watched the stars sparkle in her eyes? They should give her the trophy for those brows alone! Call it a day. And the song. The song! It is sending me on a ride through the clouds on a giant porkchop!

For David

Tim Roth (48)
Miranda Cosgrove (16)
Amber Tamblyn (26)
Sophie Anderton (32)
Martine McCutcheon (33)
Natalie Appleton (36)
Shanice (36)
Gabriel Mann (37)
Sofia Coppola (38)
Danny Wood (40)
Cate Blanchett (40)
Raphael Saadiq (43)
C.C. DeVille (47)
David Byrne (57)
Robert Zemeckis (57)
George Lucas (65)