Island Mother

/ June 6, 2009

When Amy Wino isn’t swallowing tequila bottles whole, she’s holding court with the locals of St. Lucia and teaching them the ways of the crackie. Seriously, what in Crackie of the Flies Hell is going on here? All I see is Wino sucking her thumb and the locals looking at her with “bitch you crazy” eyes. They are probably wondering why she’s suckling on her thumb like that. The answer is simple. If you were filled with 95% crack, you’d be sucking on your thumb too for a quick fix. And that little girl who is hugging on Wino better dip herself in holy water, because she’s been touched with the crackie fevah!

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Looking Sessy?

/ June 6, 2009

My eyes haven’t gotten an erection for Jude Law in a long ass time, so it was a pleasant surprise to feel them perk up while looking at these pictures of him in London last night. Jude is playing Hamlet, but in this version the Danish prince has a puzzle piece hairline. Speaking of, I’m beginning to accept that shit. Now, I’m not going to start a Facebook fan page for his “Lombard Street” hairline anytime soon, but I’d still run my ass all over it.

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Woe Is Phil Spector

/ June 6, 2009

When Phil Spector was stuffed into a prison cell to serve 19 years for killing Lana Clarkson, he left behind his 28-year-old (don’t choke) wife of 3 years Rachelle. During the trial, Rachelle wasn’t allowed to whore herself out to the media, but now that it’s over she can barf words from her mouth all she wants! Rachelle’s first stop was the Los Angeles Times. Even though Rachelle loves to show off the 9-carat diamond ring on her finger, she wants the world to know that she’s not a gold miner. Nope, she married Phil for *love*. Gag me with a fucking crimping iron.

Rachelle said that if she was a gold digger, she wouldn’t be visiting Phil in prison any chance she could and she also wouldn’t be licking on his soggy worm dick as much as she used to. Rachelle said, “We had sex. We were doing it all the time.” Maybe that would explain why Rachelle looks like a middle-aged truck stop pussy peddler who has had more troll crotch on her ass than a horse at the Kentucky Derby. Not to mention that her eyebrows also look like they’ve been traumatized by the whole experience.

Rachelle also went on to say that she’s not just with Phil for his coin, because she can easily support herself if she needed, “I can weed whack. Rip out walls. Lay tile.” Obviously, she can’t weed whack for shit, because look at her husband’s hair.

Proving that she’s just as gross as her husband, Rachelle says that living in the house that Lana died in doesn’t bother her. Rachelle and Phil even got married in the same foyer Lane’s body was found. Rachelle even sits in the chair Lana bled to death in. It doesn’t bother her.

But what does bother her is that her gnome of a husband has been locked in a tiny cell for 24 hours of the day. Rachelle moaned, “He’s locked in a 5-by-9 cell, 23 1/2 hours a day. They treat people worse than animals. I want that known.” And I want it known that you are not a certified member of the Gold Diggers Club, but I’m sure the Dumb Stupid Skank Bitch Whore Club will gladly accept you. Their club president, Paris Hilton, will be contacting you any day now.

Seriously, crying about a 5-by-9 cell? That’s bigger than most NYC apartments!

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Chicken Cutlets vs. “A Drunk Stupid Bitch”

/ June 6, 2009

Since international supermodel sensation Phoebe Price has kissed and made up with her arch rival Quween on the Scene, she needs a new nemesis to battle with on the mean streets of Famewhoreville. That’s where this blonde lady comes in. We’ll call her Tina Yothers for now. Yesterday at The Grove, Tina Yothers went after our very own Miss Hot Babe of 2007. Tina Yothers accused PP of treating her mother/umbrella handler like shit! That’s when PP’s cutlets started boiling and she let the hag have it with some Dlisted-approved phrases like “pyscho bitch.

As if my cutlet obsession wasn’t already at a Level 10, this has skyrocketed it off the charts! Seeing and hearing PP say “Hi whore”, is a spiritual experience. Seriously, this video has become my new Sunday mass! Chicken Cutlets chirping to Tina Yothers “you’re a drunk stupid bitch” is so my new ringtone. That’s how people greet me anyway, so it might as well be my ringtone friend too! Fuckery to my eaaaaars…..

AND AND AND AND AND Phoebe Price also revealed that she’s going to be a guest judge on season 2 of RuPaul’s Drag Race!!!! !!! !! ! !!!! !!! ! God, you really have been listening to my drunken prayers in the middle of the night. You really have……

VIA The Genius Machine

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

/ June 6, 2009

Randy, the fashion director at Manhattan’s Kleinfeld bridal store, STAR of TLC’s “Say Yes to the Dress“, and brow plucking enthusiast. If you want to see Randy’s swish and sway in action, there’s a bunch of un-embeddable (DAMN THEM) videos on YooToob. Yes, I got caught watching a few episodes of this show last night. It made me want to drop my Mike’s Lemonade, rush over to Kleinfeld and gaze at Randy’s spectacular eyebrow arch in person.

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Birthday Sluts

/ June 6, 2009

Jason Isaacs (46)
Stacy Keanan (34)
Uncle Kracker (35)
Max Casella (42)
Paul Giamatti (42)
Colin Quinn (50)
Sandra Bernhard (54)
Harvey Fierstein (57)
Holly Near (60)
Robert Englund (62)

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