Goldie Hawn Wants Her Daughter To Stop Being Such A Slut!

/ June 8, 2009

You really wouldn’t guess that Kate Hudson passes her vagina around like pork dumplings at dim sum, but bitch is a mega slut. If I was her mother, this would bring tears of joys to my eyes, because she would be following in my footsteps. However, Kate’s mother is crying tears of SHAME! The Daily Mail says that Private Benjamin has begged Kate to give A-Roid’s peen the pink slip. Goldie thinks it’s time that Kate curb her pussay, put a lock on it and let it breathe a bit.

A source said, “Kate’s had a string of boyfriends since her divorce from Chris Robinson and it’s always the same pattern – she falls hard and fast, then gets bored or has her heart broken. Goldie hates the idea of seeing Kate getting hurt again.”

Kate’s vagina is howling too loud for her to hear her mother’s pleas, because she’s taking her relationship with A-Roid to the next level. Kate has apparently already introduced A-Roid to her son.

While I agree with Goldie that Kate needs blow a goodbye kiss to A-Rod’s roid rod, I disagree that she needs to stop her whore ways. If you don’t have a full-time fuck partner, why not take a few part-time jobs to keep the genital area active in the community. Kate just needs to learn that just because her chocha is smiling, doesn’t mean it’s true love. Bitch probably falls in love at first dick tip. She needs to work on that shit.

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Already Living Like A Married Couple!

/ June 8, 2009

In today’s holy Brangie news, they are getting married and also sleeping in separate bedrooms! The two go hand in hand. Let’s start with the latter…. And we’re off!

The Daily Mail says that St. Angie and Willy Pitt have been not only sleeping in different beds (early I Love Lucy-style), but in different houses! The holy family has been living at the Seacroft Estate on Long Island, NY while St. Angie films that movie about paprika or whatever. The property has an enormous main house and 8 surrounding houses. While Brad prefers to stay in the main house with their child army, St. Angie prefers to sleep in the beach house. A source said, “They would often sleep as far away from each other as possible, not even in separate bedrooms but in separate houses. Angelina spent most of her time in one of the annexes while Brad lived in the main house with its ten bedrooms.”

The source went on to say that Brad is hardly with his family which doesn’t help his toilet floater of a relationship with Angie, “Angie has been working really long hours on her movie and Brad hasn’t been there (on Long Island) all that much. It’s put a huge strain on them.”

I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation as to why they are sleeping in separate houses. I’m guessing that Jesus likes to visit late at night on the down low and gossip with Angie about the other saints. They make cookies, braid each other’s hair and giggle. It keeps Brad awake. And when Angie is ready to go to bed, it’s hard to fall asleep with Brad’s no-nut area whimpering at all hours of the night. Or maybe their egos together is too much for one house to handle.

On the other side of the coin, The Daily Mirror says their relationship is all kittens and rainbows, because they are getting married this summer in New Orleans! Well, maybe it’s not all cupcakes, because Angie only wants to make it legal to end the break-up rumors. A close friend said, “Usually it’s Brad who wants to talk marriage. But this time it was Angie. An aide sent them all the Press clippings about their ‘relationship problems’ and Angelina said it was probably best if they married to put an end to the stories. Brad’s face lit up – he was thrilled.

Well, they can’t stand to sleep in the same HOUSE together, so marriage seems like the logical next step! They’re already living like they’ve been married for years.

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The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNER For June 5th!

/ June 8, 2009

Kanye thought the girls he had a threesome with were pure solid gold, but found out that shit was fake when it turned his dick green. – madam s.

Runners-up:

We be linin’ up for Rock of Love auditions, bitches! My name’s gonna be No Brows and this is my girl Ill Fitting Tank Top! – mharker

God. Someone clap their hands and turn these bitches OFF! – Zanna

(Thanks Amy)

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

/ June 8, 2009

Quween on the Scene! – “Pos-a-rossi” fighter and defender of all celebwhores! Quween is a fixture on the streets of Beverly Hills and if you’re a celebrity who left their bodyguard at home (or can’t afford one), she is your savior! Below are just a few pictures of Quween with some of the hos she has rescued.

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Birthday Sluts

/ June 8, 2009

Joan Rivers (76)
Maria Menounos (31)
Kanye West (32)
Shilpa Shetty (34)
Julianna Marguiles (43)
Nick Rhodes (47)
Mick Hucknall (49)
Keenan Ivory Wayans (51)
Bonnie Tyler (58)
Sonia Braga (59)
Kathy Baker (59)
Nancy Sinatra (69)
Jerry Stiller (82)
Barbara Bush (84)

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Bret Michaels Almost Decapitated At The Tonys

/ June 7, 2009

Poison performed with the show Rock of Ages on the Tony Awards tonight and the theater gods were not amused with the idea of the keeper of the whores on Broadway. They gave Bret Michaels a warning by practically decapitating him and knocking him on his ass! HAHAHAHA! Who ever said the Tonys didn’t bring laughs?! I wonder if his “fine European extensions” survived? And I also wonder how long it took them to mop up all the douche water that splashed out of his ears? What a beautiful moment. Totally rock and fucking roll.

And here’s some pictures of Poison with Constantine before Bret almost got beheaded. I guess C.C. Deville couldn’t make it. It was nice of Phyllis Diller to fill in for him.

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