Glamberace smokes pot! SHOCKING! MIND-BOGGLING! ……..And he also likes a giant peen with his morning coffee.

This is the big “NO SHIT” issue of Rolling Stone where Glamberace reveals that he’s as gay as….well…as Glamberace. I mean, butterflies flutter into his peen hole! I’m gayer than a Rooty Tooty breakfast and butterflies don’t fly into my peen hole! And why is that snake having a conversation with Glamberace’s magic stick? Or is it trying to get a piece?

So Glamberace says that he decided to wait to come out, because he felt doing it on the cover of Rolling Stone would be “cooler.” Glamberace puckered his precious lips and said, “I don’t think it should be a surprise for anyone to hear that I’m gay. Right after the finale, I almost started talking about it to the reporters, but I thought, ‘I’m going to wait for Rolling Stone, that will be cooler.’ I didn’t want the Clay Aiken thing and the celebrity-magazine bullshit. I need to be able to explain myself in context (ed note: NO YOU DIDN’T, GURRRRL!). I’m proud of my sexuality. I embrace it. It’s just another part of me. I’m trying to be a singer, not a civil rights leader.”

You can thank some kind of mood-altering drug for leading the glittery unicorn to American Idol. Glamberace said he had a “psychedelic experience” at Burning Man which made him realize that Idol was the quickest way for him to be taken seriously in the music industry.

He didn’t want to declare his gayness while competing on Idol, because he wanted the focus to remain on his talent and not the fact that he likes dick. Glammy added, “I’m an entertainer, and who I am and what I do in my personal life is a separate thing. it shouldn’t matter. Except it does. It’s really confusing.”

And there you go. Glamberace is gay. The world keeps spinning. Well, not my world, because I’m still kind of upset that butterflies don’t fly into my no-no. Maybe I need to drizzle a little hummingbird juice on it?

Time out. Mark-Paul Gosselaar needs to dress like this for the rest of his life! Katie Holmes needs to take notes, this is how you wear rolled jeans the right away. Under the lip.

Last night on Jimmy Fallon, Zack Morris returned to our lives! Zack appeared to promote some basic cable show he’s on and to also confirm that he will be a part of The Saved By The Bell reunion Jimmy has been trying to put together. Kelly Kapowski and Screech are the only hos who have not yet agreed to the reunion. How has Kelly not RSVPed yet? She knows in her heart of hearts that she belongs with Zack. ~True love~

Below is Zack’s entire appearance on the show. He even sings “Friends Forever.” It’s kind of not the same without the original members of Zack Attack, but it will do for now until we get the real thing. To be honest, this is kind of effing with my head. I’m so excited….I’m so excited…I’m so….scared.

Remember how Vadge was denied adopting little Mercy, because they said she needed to have lived in Malawi for at least 18-months? Well, that was all just a silly mistake, because suddenly three appeal judges have allowed the adoption to go through! The African baby snatcher WINS! Your child is NEXT!!!!

The Sun says that two judges have already turned in reports stating that the adoption should go ahead and the third judge is right there with them. They will announce their decision this Sunday in court. Vadge’s lawyer already gave her the news.

The judges apparently agreed that the 18-month rule is “out of date.” I wonder when it suddenly became out of date? Before or after the rhinestone-covered Bentley, solid gold toilet and suitcase of money arrived at their doorsteps?

Well, this is good news for Baby Jesus. Rocco and David always give him shade in the playroom, because he’s the new bitch. At least he has someone to play with now.

Chernobyl Athletes in training. – El Bastardo

Runners-up:

It may look stupid, but did you really want to see Travolta and Cruise kiss in public? – jazzfish_77

9 months later Bronx Mowgli was born. – Chantal

This is all very sweet but, personally, I’ll wait for Levis to come out with their version. – Suze

Source: Eat Liver

Ferrari Guy of Chicago! – This piece of raw sex will show you the sights of Chicago in his totally awesome Ferrari for just $300/hour! That’s a small price to pay to be in the presence of such unadulterated hotness. I wonder how much more it will cost to shift his stick. Ow! And according to his website, he’s the “most photographed man in the country next to the President!” I believe it!

If you can only visit one website today (well, two websites), visit Ferrari Guy’s! Yes, this dude exists in 2009! As is! It truly is a beautiful world.

(For Matt)

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Natalie Portman (28)
Gloria Reuben (45)
Michael J. Fox (48)
Aaron Sorkin (48)
Patricia Cornwell (53)
Jackie Mason (73)
Les Paul (94)