Hot Slut Of The Day!

January 17, 2018 / Posted by:

The big pink peen that was slapped on a weather map by the Gulf Coast Storm Center!

No storm in this country would be complete without a dick shape ending up on a weather map and letting the people know that they’re about to get pounded hard repeatedly and left wet and worn out. A winter storm has hit parts of the South, and on Monday, the Gulf Coast Storm Center warned people that it was coming (pun intended) and went on Facebook to post a color-coded map to show the parts that were going to get hit the hardest.  They added this note about the storm with their pink dick pic. It was nice of them to type these words even though they probably knew that nobody was going to read them since we’d all be too busy making dick jokes or licking the screen (GUILTY!):

(4:57 PM CST) – A Winter Weather Advisory has now been posted for Southwest Louisiana, part of Southeast Louisiana, and the remainder of Southwest Mississippi (excluding coastal Mississippi counties).

Most of the comments on that Facebook post weren’t about the storm, but were dick jokes, because we the people always focus on what’s really important.

Mother Nature is definitely a lover of peen (and really, why wouldn’t she be? Peen is nature!) because she has a way of turning storm formations into beautiful dick shapes. But that dick, well, I hope there’s a condom big enough to cover Louisiana, Arkansas, Texas and Mississippi, because those bumps on the shaft and weirdly-shaped balls tells me that it’s got a fat file at the free clinic.

And I’m really going to need Blaine Stewart to share his professional thoughts on this.

Pic: Gulf Coast Storm Center/Facebook


Birthday Sluts

January 17, 2018 / Posted by:

A post shared by Betty White (@bettymwhite) on

Betty White (96)
Connor Cruise (23)
Frankie Cocozza (25)
Willa Fitzgerald (27)
Max Adler (32)
Calvin Harris (34)
Dwayne Wade (36)
Ray J (37)
Zooey Deschanel (38)
Maksim Chmerkovskiy (38)
Freddy Rodriguez (43)
Lil Jon (47)
Kid Rock (47)
Bart Freundlich (48)
Naveen Andrews (49)
Tiësto (49)
Shabba Ranks (52)
Denis O’Hare (56)
Michelle Obama (54)
Jim Carrey (56)
Susanna Hoffs (59)
Steve Harvey (61)
Paul Young (62)
Mick Taylor (69)
Maury Povich (79)
James Earl Jones (87)
Andy Kaufman (1949-1984)
Muhammad Ali (1942-2016)
Eartha Kitt (1927-2008)
Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)


Night Crumbs

January 16, 2018 / Posted by:

If you’ve ever wanted pictures of yourself where you look like a softcore porn star from the 1970s, take a tip from this Allure cover with Dakota Johnson and get yourself an out-of-focus camera, your grandma’s biggest panties, an old bra from The Salvation Army and the sheer sequined table runner your mom brings out at Christmas time – Celebitchy

Speaking of Dakota Johnson, she and Chris Martin brought their bland oatmeal love to the beach – Lainey Gossip

I guess the producers of Real HouseWrecks of Orange County really don’t want people to watch next season – Reality Tea

George Michael didn’t only have the voice of a sexy angel, he was also an angel to an AIDS charity – Towleroad

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January Jones Might Be Getting With One Of The Bachelors

January 16, 2018 / Posted by:

January Jones has reportedly hooked up or dated the likes of Ashton Kutcher, Bobby Flay, Jason Sudeikis and Jeremy Piven, and I guess she still loves herself a yeast infection in the form of a human man. Because Page Six says that January is bumping fuck parts with one of the Bachelors. And not even one of the fancy Bachelors, like that Italian royal whose princess grandmother founded my abuelita’s favorite luxury cosmetics brand Borghese! January is instead slumming it by dating Nick Viall.

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Kandi Burruss Denies That She Tried To Go Down On Kim Zolciak

January 16, 2018 / Posted by:

It’s safe to assume Maxine Waters and Donald Trump will share a Caesar salad at Mar-a-Lago loooooong before everyone on Real Housewives Of Atlanta will all get along. As y’all have probably figured out by now, Sunday church services for me come at the end of the day when those sloppy Georgia peaches roll out to accuse each other of everything from home foreclosure to not being able to afford payment on a Spirit flight to Kissimmee. Apparently, nobody learned from Phaedra Parks getting fired and having to pimp her house out on Airbnb, because Kim Zolciak is stepping into Phaedra’s shoes this season to accuse Kandi Burruss of being a little freaky in the sheets. Continue reading

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