Back in December, it was announced that Amy Schumer would be playing Barbie in Sony’s live action Barbie movie. Amy was playing a version of Barbie who doesn’t fit in with all the other Barbies. That minor detail didn’t matter to some people on the internet who though she was too big to be playing any Barbie. Amy didn’t care; she claimed she was “so honored” to be playing such an “icon.” Sony is going to have to find someone else who would be honored to step into Barbie’s iconic hard plastic pink heels, because Amy Schumer is out. Jennifer Coolidge, call your agent!
Amy tells Variety she’s “bummed” about not being able to play Barbie, and she blames it on scheduling conflicts. Production on Barbie was supposed to start on June 23, but that’s right in the middle of her promotional tour for Snatched. After that, Amy begins shooting She Came to Me with Steve Carell and Nicole Kidman. Amy adds that Sony and Mattel have been great partners, and she can’t wait to see the film when it comes out.
Variety says Sony needed to stick to that schedule, because Mattel has merchandise to move. Sony chimed in regarding Amy’s departure. They say they respect and support her decision to leave, and that they look forward to sharing updates on casting.
Not only was Amy supposed to play Barbie, but apparently she also punched up the script. Variety says they have no idea if Sony will keep Amy’s script changes. I have a feeling they probably won’t. An Amy Schumer-ized script really only works if Amy Schumer is saying the words. It’s going to be really awkward hearing whoever ends up playing Barbie warn Ken that her plastic no-crotch smells like a barnyard animal.
Jell-O Spoon Candy!
Spoon Candy sounds like a cutesy name for coke or cooked heroin, but for a brief minute in the 1970s it was a decadent dessert from Jell-O. In the late-1960s, Jell-O gifted mouths with the magical desert that was like a cloud sitting on top of two layers of unicorn barf. They gave us Jell-O 1-2-3, which I always thought came out in the 1980s, because to me, it was the flavor of the 1980s. Jell-O 1-2-3 lasted long enough to turn some of us into complete 1-2-3 addicts (yes, you can sometimes find me asking the stock people at any grocery store if they got any old 1-2-3 in the back), but it didn’t last as long as it should have (read: FOREVER!).
Spoon Candy was kind of like another Jell-O 1-2-3, only it didn’t last nearly as long. J-O -1-2-3 was around for almost 30 years, while Spoon Candy was apparently only around from 1972 to 1974ish. It was basically pudding with a hard candy topping, and it was supposed to be a candy bar in a bowl. You’d just add milk, blend a little and BOOM: instance dessert decadence.
Spoon Candy was before my time, so sadly for me, I never got to have it. But I guess I sort of get the experience every night when I shovel pudding into my mouth while squirting Magic Shell in there.
And well, if you’re going to Heaven, at least you have something to look forward to, because I’m sure the Jell-O Cafe up there has endless supplies of Spoon Candy and 1-2-3. And if you’re going to Hell, prepare for an eternity of heaving, because I’m sure the Jell-O Cafe down there serves nothing but celery-flavored Jell-O.
Pic: Pinterest (For Joan)
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Tall glass of Swedish leche Alexander Skarsgard and Alexa Chung are still together, but something doesn’t seem right. If you’re fucking ASkars full-time, you don’t walk around with a sour ass look on your face. You do naked cartwheels down the street while singing about how you’re fucking ASkars full-time. That’s a natural reaction! – Lainey Gossip
Even though her dog is panting, Katharine McPhee is the thirstiest one in that pic. And for John Mayer nonetheless! – Drunken Stepfather
Have a teen daughter and want her to hate herself and her body? Get her the new book by soulless workout troll Tracy Anderson – Celebitchy
Yes, Christina Milian wore one of Kylie Jenner’s wigs last night, but the most question mark-inducing thing about her look is that chichi chain thing – The Superficial
Blondie put out yet another new song, and would I drunkenly dance to it at a bar? Probably. Would I be asked to leave that bar because my dancing was scaring the other customers? Definitely. – Towleroad
The Shat is really into Dancing with the Stars, and is also really into hating on The Bachelor – Reality Tea
If Olivia Wilde’s character is pregnant with a basketball, then they nailed her look – Popoholic
Bella Thorne is still Bella Thorne-ing – Hollywood Tuna
“Eating an anointed cake” sounds like another way to say that you ate an ass so sweet it made you see God – OMG Blog
I must’ve missed the teaser for the teaser for the trailer for Justice League – Pajiba
The Candy Crush game show just got a million times worse and I didn’t think that was possible – Just Jared
Demi Lovato doesn’t care that a hacked picture of her tit cleavage is out there – IDLYITW
Memaws and Pepaws are going to party all night (read: until 9:58pm) tonight because CBS renewed a ton of shows – SOW
Panty Creamer of the Day: This hot piece from Iron Fist – Popsugar
The embarrassing fight between Dean McDermott and his ex-wife Mary Jo Eustace over his unpaid child support is finally over. It didn’t end with Dean leaving a goodbye note to Tori Spelling on the kitchen counter (“Adios, mamacita!“) and running away to Tijuana to live as long as possible under an assumed name (El Ojos de Possum). E! News says that The Deaner has actually agreed to fork over the money he owes to Mary Jo.
Mary Jo agreed to withdraw her lawsuit against Dean earlier this month after he allegedly cried poor in court, claiming he had fallen on “hard times.” She won’t be re-filing any time soon. A source tells E! that Dean and Mary Jo recently came to an agreement outside of court. Dean reportedly owed Mary Jo $100,800 in unpaid child support, interest, and attorney’s fees, and he has agreed to pay her in installments until his debt is cleared. Dean cut Mary Jo a check for $6000 last Monday, and will send her another $2500 by the end of the month.
E! News says that Dean has until July 1, 2020 to pay it off. Sure, I totally see that happening. If Mary Jo wants to actually get paid, she’s got to threaten him with a penalty for missed payment. Like making sure every tattoo shop is mysteriously too busy to hook him up with any more dirt bag ink. You’ve got to hit him where it hurts. And we all know that’s not his bank account, since that lost feeling ages ago.
Empire’s spring premiere episode aired last night, and earlier in the day, TMZ coincidentally burped up a story about how guest star Nia Long and Taraji P. Henson got along about as well as Terrence Howard gets along with an asshole that hasn’t been freshly touched by a baby wipe. Today, TMZ has burped up more details about Nia’s alleged rampage on the Empire set, and E! News has also joined in on the foolery with info of their own. This is giving me shades of Dynasty gossip, but I’m not sure who’s the Krystle and who’s the Alexis? What am I saying? Taraji is the Alexis, Dominique, Sable and Krystle. Nia is one of the party extras.