The magnificent Jeff Goldblum statue in London!
Yes, that pug is pregnant now. Pray for those pug’s down-low parts, because in (insert however many months it takes for a statue/canine fetus to fully bake) a giant metal statue with a puppy pug face is going to come out of there.
Chace Crawford (33)
Derrick Barry (35)
Ryan Cabrera (36)
Priyanka Chopra (36)
Michiel Huisman (37)
Kristen Bell (38)
Kelly Reilly (41)
Elsa Pataky (42)
Grant Bowler (40)
Vin Diesel (51)
Jim Bob Duggar (53)
Wendy Williams (54)
Elizabeth McGovern (57)
Audrey Landers (62)
Margo Martindale (67)
Richard Branson (68)
Martha Reeves (77)
James Brolin (78)
Paul Verhoeven (80)
Dick Button (89)
Nelson Mandela (1918-2013)
Red Skelton (1913-1997)
Lupe Vélez (1908-1944)
Molly Brown (1867-1932)
The full trailer for Bohemian Rhapsody starring Rami Malek as Freddie Mercury (but why does he look like Pete Davidson there?) is out, and yes, it still looks like a sanitized Hollywood bore with zero flavor. But what’s really offensive is that The Mercury bulge isn’t nearly magnificent enough. They should’ve stuffed Rami’s jumpsuit with two actual disco balls and a baguette. I should be in the ER right now from getting hit in the eye with that bulge while watching the trailer. Burn every copy of the movie and start again! – Lainey Gossip
But for real though, Amanda Seyfried’s husband is probably jealous because of that whole “how you get them is how you lose them” thing – Celebitchy
Wait, slap me until I’ve got Andy Cohen eyes, Vicki Gunvalson has had plastic surgery? – Reality Tea
Like a bowl of Jell-O in an earthquake…. Although, Jell-O is much more natural – Drunken Stepfather
David Lynch’s Dune got not-great reviews when it came out in 1984. I have no idea why; it has prime 1980’s hotness Kyle MacLachlan and Sean Young, tons of leather, and Sting in a 3D printed-looking bikini, which basically makes it perfect. And about two years ago we learned that Dune was finally about to get remade by Denis Villeneuve. Today we’re learning that the Dune remake could star Timothée Chalamet.
I’m saying it could star Timmy, because according to Deadline, he’s currently in talks to play Dune’s lead character, Paul Atreides (previously played by Kyle MacLachlan). Deadline says Timothée is in final talks, which means there’s a very good chance you’re about to see Timothée with a tube up his nose, if that’s the direction Denis decides to take this film.
Dune is complicated as all get out, so it’s in Denis’ best interests to have a cutie like Timothée up on the screen to help distract everyone in the audience from thinking “What the hell is this shit all about?” For those who don’t know, Dune is set years in the future where people have created these wormholes allowing them to travel between solar systems. Also they’re really into this drug they call “the spice.” Paul Atreides is an aristocrat with superhuman powers. Additionally, there are literal giant sandworms that live on the drug planet. See what I mean? It’s confusing. But no more confusing than the worms will be when Timothée’s character tries to avoid getting eaten by offering the worms a peach. (Cut to a worm looking uncomfortable) “Uh…yeah, I think I’ll pass.”
The animal kingdom’s reign over the Hot Slut of the Month crown hasn’t let up. Sorry, humans and non-living things, but those animal friends’ furry grasp on the HSOTM title is much too strong for your weak asses to take. For the fourth month in a row, creatures who are too good for this destroyed-by-humans world have beat the other Hot Sluts.
Dog The Fish-Selling Pussy won Miss Hot Slut of March, Karamel The Two-Wheeled Squirrel won Miss Hot Slut of April, The Badass Flying Pussy won Miss Hot Slut of May, and now Officer Poncho has won Hot Slut of June. The life-saving cop puppy from Spain, who caused us all to fill with the awwws from watching his impeccable CPR skills, is now our reigning HSOTM thanks to getting 34% of the votes. Officer Poncho took out Mark Kanemura (28%), The Canadian Bonnie Parker (also 28%), and Veronica Recinos (10%). Officer Poncho killed the competition, but because he’s devoted to a career in life-saving, he brought them back to life by giving them CPR. A saint and a hero.
If you want to relive one of the only good things to happen in this world this year, here you go:
Thanks to all who voted! And if you’ve ever got a HSOTD idea you don’t think I’ve done, lube it up and toss it in email@example.com.
Mark it down in your calendars. Today is the single moment in history when it’s more likely that you’ll die eating a salad from McDonald’s than anything else. Take THAT vegans!
GrubStreet is reporting that Ronald McDonald done farmed the wrong lettuce. After a huge romaine lettuce E. coli outbreak finally was given the all clear back in May, the FDA has more bad news for lettuce-lovers. They released some statements saying they were investigating an outbreak of cyclosporiasis, which is an illness caused by an intestinal parasite. The FDA says the outbreak was “likely linked” to McDonald’s salads. In response, McDonald’s said on Friday that it was voluntarily removing all salads from the menu of 3,000 locations across 14 states. A spokesperson said: “Out of an abundance of caution, we decided to voluntarily stop selling salads at impacted restaurants until we can switch to another lettuce blend supplier.” “Abundance of caution” could also be worded to: “Avoid getting sued.”