There were a lot of faces being pulled in the audience at last night’s Emmy Awards ceremony. Most of the cringing and eye rolling caught on camera (Merritt Wever staring into the camera with the dead eyes of a bored teen, Chrissy Teigen ducking out of way) appeared to be in reaction to Colin Jost’s invisible lips and Michael Che’s invisible charm. But one member of the audience looked like he was having the time of his life. In a surprise appearance, the legendary Teddy Perkins somehow managed to leave his palatial home in Atlanta and fly halfway across the country to attend the ceremony! I didn’t even realize he was still alive. I thought he had choked on a globule of ostrich egg.
Scarlett Johansson and Colin Jost have yet another set of precious memories to paste in their Celebrity Relationship Milestones book that your agent gives you when you hook up with another famous person.
Last night’s next step took place at the Emmys, where Colin co-hosted with his SNL Weekend Update partner Michael Che. Scarlett and Colin made their first official red carpet debut back in April at the Avengers: Infinity War premiere, then went a little fancier a month later at the Met Gala. Last night was their official awards show couples walk on the…what color would we call the Emmy’s carpet last night? Rice Krispy Treat beige? Sure.
Scarlett wore a Balmain dress, while Colin continued to look like that one groomsman at his high school buddy’s wedding who can’t wait to run to his car and trade in his dress shoes for sneakers. But all that really matters here is ScarJo’s dress, which looks what a housekeeper at a resort would do if asked to fold bath towels into a gown instead of a swan.
Once inside, it wasn’t about Scarlett anymore. Here’s Colin and Michael’s monologue, in which they began with a shout out to the #MeToo movement.
Then they went on to talk about TV’s diversity problem. That’s when I’m sure Scarlett considered standing up and volunteering her services as a recently-woke diversity expert. “Pro tip, television: In the event you do create more diverse characters, try not to hire people that look like me to play them.”
Since bitterness and cynicism are the not-so-secret ingredients that keep the frostbitten bag of rotten vulture gizzards I call a heart nice and frozen, I truly let out an, “Oh my fucking GOD no!“, while watching last night’s Emmys when I realized that a live wedding proposal was about to go down. And also because bitterness and cynicism are the not-so-secret ingredients that keep the frostbitten bag of rotten vulture gizzards I call a heart nice and frozen, I screamed, “Please let her say NO,” right after. But she didn’t, and the icy turd in my chest may or may not have melted a little when she said yes. DAMMIT! I hate feeling things.
If you’re the type of person who doesn’t watch TV shows on Amazon, then The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel might sound like a film about a magical British nanny starring Dame Judi Dench. But as of today, it’s the reason why the show’s creator Amy Sherman-Palladino hauled a giant sack of trophies out of the Emmys last night.
Marvel decided that because The Emmys were last night, the heterosexuals of America also deserved a lil something, something, so they released the Captain Marvel trailer today for all of the nerds out there.
Brie Larson, who plays the titular Captain Marvel (how many of you giggled at the words “titular”?), was on Good Morning America today to reveal the trailer herself. This is the first Marvel Studios project with a female lead since they started making movies 10 years ago with the release of Iron Man, so it’s kind of a big deal. Cut to Scarlett Johansson screeching into a pillow somewhere: “Why couldn’t it have been me?!”
The Emmys introduced the category of Outstanding Reality-Competition Series back in 2003 and since then literally three shows have ever won it: The Amazing Race won 10 times, The Voice won four times and Top Chef won once. Well girl, that all changed last night. When they announced: “Category Is: Outstanding Reality-Competition Series”, Mama RuPaul stood up, Vogued for a little bit, and then sashayed over to that stage to claim her crown, honey!