Well, She Is Getting Up There In Age 

May 18, 2017 / Posted by:

Victoria’s Secret and Sports Illustrated model Nina Agdal turned 25 on March 26, 2017. And 25 is usually the expiration date for Leonardo’s girlfriends. So I’m sure Nina was starting to get that old lady smell about her and 42-year-old Leonardo DiCaprio just had to toss her before he really got grossed out from seeing a wrinkle on her face or from watching her spend an hour trying to open a Werther’s Original. I mean, Leo’s no granny fucker!

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Every Bathroom Is A Private Bathroom To Jennifer Lopez

May 18, 2017 / Posted by:

I find the best way to humanize famous people is to remember that famous people sit on a toilet and pee and poo like the rest of us. There’s no getting around it. The only difference is, when they use a public bathroom they sometimes do it in a fancier way than we do. For example, Jennifer Lopez doesn’t wait in a long line for the bathroom with her kegel muscles clenched with more pressure than a hydraulic press.

According to Page Six, JLo had to use the bathroom at the Robin Hood Foundation Benefit in NYC on Monday. A witness claims four security guards closed it down so  JLo could have complete privacy. There was a huge lineup outside the ladies’ room, which caused everyone to speculate who was inside. They finally figured out it was JLo when they saw her possible future husband A-Rod loitering off to the side checking his phone.

Once JLo strolled out, security opened the bathroom to the general public again. JLo and A-Rod’s security wasn’t just for the bathroom; a source claims they were surrounded by security all evening to prevent them from getting mobbed by people.

Another source, commenting on the private bathroom situation, added: “It’s really awkward when someone asks for a selfie when you walk out of a toilet stall.” That’s true, but it’s still less awkward than realizing there’s no toilet paper mid-piss and yelling out to your security team to hook you up with some Charmin. That’s the benefit to having someone on the other side of the stall in the ladies’ room; you just put your hand under the stall whisper “Hi…uh…” and your stall sister will come through.

Pic: Wenn.com

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Yup, The CW Completely CW-fied “Dynasty” 

May 18, 2017 / Posted by:

I shouldn’t say that the Dynasty reboot has been completely CW-fied. I don’t think there’s a superhero in this one. Although, I wouldn’t be shocked if the first episode ends with Cristal revealing that she’s a secret DC superhero. The CW has to find a way to shit out a Dynasty/Supergirl/Arrow/The Flash crossover episode.

The CW held its upfronts in NYC today and announced that us worshipers of the original Dynasty have just a few months to prepare for the night when we’ll scream, cry and slap down our TVs as though we’re Alexis and its Krystle. The CW’s Dollar General reboot of Dynasty will stink up Wednesdays when it debuts after Riverdale in the fall.

The CW farted out the first trailer and the show’s first catfight, and Jesus be a last-minute cameo appearance by Dame Joan Collins, because it looks like a bland, boring dried turd. That “when you order something online vs when it arrives” meme was made to compare the original Dynasty to this basic Dynasty reboot. The original Dynasty was a flawless 10 carat diamond whose sparkles were so bright they burned retinas, and this shit is a dull counterfeit diamond made of off-brand peanut butter.

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Alan Thicke’s Widow Claims They Were Trying To Have A Kid

May 18, 2017 / Posted by:

Alan Thicke’s widow Tanya Callau is currently at risk of being sued by Alan’s oldest two sons Brennan and Robin Thicke for alleged acts of gold digging. Brennan and Robin claim that Tanya is trying to get more money from Alan’s estate five months after his death. They also accuse her of threatening to go to the tabloids with her story unless they gave her more money.

Tanya’s lawyer Adam Streisand released a statement yesterday accusing Robin and Brennan of being the ones to run to the press with their family drama, and denying she has gold digger motivations. Tanya has more to say about those allegations, and she said it to TMZ.

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Roger Ailes Is Dead 

May 18, 2017 / Posted by:

Ten months after Fox News gave Roger Ailes a mountain of money (reportedly $40 million) to go away as the sexual harassment claims against him kept coming, he died in Florida at the age of 77.

TMZ says that the one-time Godfather of Fox News smacked his head on the floor after falling in his Palm Beach home on May 10. Ailes reportedly got a blood clot from falling and he was put in an induced coma. He died today. Ailes also had all sorts of other ailments (sorry) that lead to his waltz into the afterworld with the Grim Reaper.

Roger Ailes was a political consultant who worked on campaigns for Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush before becoming the founding CEO at Fox News in 1996. As anyone who can never look at raw hamburger meat the same way again knows, Roger Ailes’ last days at Fox News were filled with allegation after allegation after allegation from past and current Fox News female employees (like Gretchen Carlson, Andrea Tantaros and Megyn Kelly) who say that he sexually harassed him.

Reporter and author Gabriel Sherman, who wrote a biography on Roger Ailes, said that one of the Fox News employees, who claims to have suffered gross sexual abuse by the hand of Ailes, said this about his death: “Justice.” And his wife of 19 years, Elizabeth Ailes, said this:

“I am profoundly sad and heartbroken to report that my husband, Roger Ailes, passed away this morning. Roger was a loving husband to me, to his son Zachary, and a loyal friend to many. He was also a patriot, profoundly grateful to live in a country that gave him so much opportunity to work hard, to rise — and to give back.”

Pic: Wenn.com

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