Hot Slut Of The Day!

/ December 19, 2014

Derby the dog with 3D prosthetic legs!

Derby was born with tiny, underdeveloped legs (he is the Dooneese of dogs), so he’s never been able to fully run and he’s had a shit of a time getting around. Tara Anderson of South Carolina took in Derby a few months ago, because she kept looking at his picture and reading his story on the site for the rescue group Peace and Paws and she wanted to help him. When she first fostered Derby, she got him a cart, but shit was clunky and he still couldn’t run with the wind the way that he wanted to. So Tara, who works for a 3D printing company, came up with an idea to make him 3D prosthetics that’ll let him run.

With help from her co-workers and an expert in animal prosthetics, Tara created a pair of prosthetics using some fancy 3D modeling software and a 3D printer. Sherry Portanova, who is now Derby’s adoptive human, was there when he put his 3D prosthetic legs on for the first time and she says everyone’s heart melted and slipped out of their pee holes when they watched him sprint. Sherry said, “The first time he was put on them, he took off running. I was absolutely amazed at how well he did.”

I have two perfectly good running limbs and Derby still runs 2 more miles a day than I do. Sherry says that he runs around 2 miles a day and he runs faster than them.

The clip of Derby running on his 3D legs not only made me feel some weird warmness in the area where my heart used to be, but it also got my gutter sludge of a brain thinking about the future of 3D printing. If us humans can print out 3D prosthetics today, then it’s only a matter of time before we can print out all sorts of 3D stuff at home including 3D dildos. The future can’t come soon enough!

And I fully expect Derby to win all the golds at the 2016 Olympics! (No Oscar Pistorius jokes, please!)

via HuffPo

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Birthday Sluts

/ December 19, 2014

Kristy Swanson (45)
Paulina Gretzky (26)
Lady Sovereign (29)
Jake Gyllenhaal (34)
Marla Sokoloff (34)
Alyssa Milano (42)
Amy Locane (43)
Tyson Beckford (44)
Criss Angel (47)
Jennifer Beals (51)
Til Schweiger (51)
Limahl (55)
Tim Reid (70)
Maurice White (73)
Cicely Tyson (81)

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Night Crumbs

/ December 18, 2014

Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer dismissed the idea of hiring Goopy Paltrow as a contributing editor because she didn’t finish college. “What a classist snob!” said Goopy Paltrow right before she screamed at her morning maid for not using the imported tears of dolphins to clean her outdoor wood-burning pizza oven – Lainey Gossip

“Um, we already do, where have you been, Lenny?Beyonce to Lenny KravitzCelebitchy

Phew, the feds did not seize all the Christmas presents that Teresa Giudice and Juicy Joe probably stole from a toy drive – Reality Tea

Dolly Parton visited Uncle Terry’s studio…… – Drunken Stepfather

Two push-up bras and a roll of duct tape does wonders for Parasite Hilton’s titty balls – Egotastic!

Azealia Banks thinks Igloo Australia needs to be sitting with the pop girls instead of the hip hop girls – Jezebel

Dear Stephen Collins, Jesus would like to see the receipts, because he doesn’t remember this – The Superficial

Carmen Electra shows the young hos that she’s still got it – Hollywood Tuna

The dude who threw a lawsuit (and later dismissed that lawsuit) at Bryan Singer for allegedly drugging and raping him could go to prison for 40 years for pulling some fraud shit – Towleroad

Here’s Sharon Stone’s nipples, because I know you’ve been wondering what they’re up to – WWTDD

Jennifer Lawrence, Jennifer Lawrence, don’t you know you’re not supposed to leave the house without the hot bodyguard? – Popoholic

Poke at me when there’s an LFO documentary – The Berry

And here’s the bare ass of a French actor I’ve never heard of, but who cares about that, because BUTT – OMG Blog

Jessica Biel‘s fetus dome makes an appearance and that’s great and everything but she really needs to give that onesie back to Justin BieberPopsugar

Say farewell to The Colbert Report with its greatest hits – Pajiba

Pop the sparkling pink champagne, because Bruce Jenner is officially  FREEEEEEEEEEEE – ICYDK

Paramount is scurred of North Korea too – HuffPo

The international movie-watching audience is racist, so says a producer in a hacked Sony e-mail – IDLYITW

Oprah loves dog shit, which explains why she likes Dr. PhilSOW

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And Now Diana Ross Will Be Tied To The Simpson Family FOREVER

/ December 18, 2014

It’s a week before Christmas and I’m sure you have a lot of crap to do, so don’t bruise your brain while trying to figure out what these three are wearing.

Ashlee Simpson and her pretty-faced husband of 3 months Evan Ross aren’t wasting any time. E! News says that the “singer” turned reality TV trick turned Melrose Place 2.0 “actress” turned (insert whatever she’s doing now because I have no clue) is knocked up with her second kid and Evan Ross’ first kid. Evan and Ashlee’s baby friend will be Diana Ross’ third grandchild. E! didn’t have any other info other than that and some words about children that Evan spilled into their ears at The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1 premiere last month.

“I would like [having kids],” he said. “As many as possible!”

Ross added, “I got married, I have new music and I’m part of Hunger Games. It’s been a great year.” And to think, 2015 looks to be even more of a life-changer.

Bronx Mowgli, Asslee’s kid with Pete Wentz, is already 6 years old. I don’t think she’ll go with the NYC borough + Jungle Book character route when naming her second kid. She’ll probably go the L.A. neighborhood + Lion King character route. They’re going to name their kid Echo Park Zazu.

That kid will probably inherit Diana Ross’ fabulous gene and its mother’s impeccable lip-synching skills. That kid will win season 25 of RuPaul’s Drag Race. I’m calling it now.

And here’s Evan and Ashlee at the farmer’s market in Studio City a few days ago.

Pics: Splash

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Open Post: Hosted By Betty White Shaking Her Chichis While Dancing With A Hippo And Craig Ferguson

/ December 18, 2014

If you still can’t listen to that weird children’s Christmas song “I Want A Hippopotamus for Christmas” without thinking of the desperate Falkor shaking her luck dragon tits like some kind of drunk, horny mom at her kid’s holiday pageant, then here’s an industrial-strength palate cleanser that will hopefully make that song safe again.

It’s Craig Ferguson’s final week as host of The Late Late Show and last night he had on one of his frequent guests, America’s sweetest sweetheart and universal treasure Betty White. Since it’s their last time being together on that show, Craig gave Betty a special gift. The red curtain opened to reveal a choir singing her favorite Christmas song, that hippo shit, and out came a dancing hippo. Betty White does everything better, but she really showed LeAnn Rimes that she does the chichis shimmy a million times better.

Why didn’t I have hallucinations like this when I did shrooms that one time? Why didn’t my brain produce the hallucination of Betty White shimmying next to a gay hippo while wearing sequins? Instead, I ended up with the fear of thinking that the trees were going to eat me and not in the sexy way.

This made my dead heart actually feel something, but I could’ve done without that cameo from Trace Cyrus at the very end. Why do the Cyruses have to ruin everything that’s happy?

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