Seen above making her way to a post office box to mail the mortgage check that is probably going to bounce thanks to the conspiracy that is ruining her residuals*, Phylicia Rashad is doing a little bit of backtracking after her comments about the Bill Cosby scandal went everywhere yesterday. Phylicia needs an Olivia Pope in her life to teach her how to properly clean up a mess, because she’s not so good at backtracking.

At a luncheon for the movie Selma in NYC the other day, Phylicia was asked about the Bill Cosby allegations by Showbiz 411’s Roger Friedman and he claims that she said “forgot those women” and went on to say that she believes the allegations from the 20 plus women are all part of an evil conspiracy to destroy a legacy. Phylicia tried to clarify her comments during an interview with ABC News. She played the “misquoted” card and if really wanted to play that card, she should’ve said, “We were at a luncheon! What I really said was, ‘Forget this low-mein. It’s inedible!'”

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13 months after the birth of her first baby and 13 months after becoming married to someone, People says Jennifer Love Hewitt is knocked up with her second baby. Damn, bitch is motivated! In a little over a year, she’s managed to rent her womb out twice and get hitched. Meanwhile, I’m sitting here still trying to decide what to have for lunch yesterday.

A rep for Jennifer (Max Conners, I wish) says Jennifer and her husband Brian Hallisay are “thrilled” to be expecting a second baby. That’s it, just thrilled. Frankly, I’m shocked; Jennifer Love Hewitt always struck me as an “over the moon” type. She also totally strikes me as the type to post a picture of her Clearblue pregnancy piss stick to Instagram or vajazzle the words “WE’RE EXPECTING!” over her c-section scar, but that didn’t happen either. Jennifer Love Hewitt, are you ok?

Jennifer and her husband gave their 13-month-old daughter a name soaking in 70s glamour – Autumn James – so I’m really hoping that 9 months from now, they give us glamour pt. 2 by naming their baby something like Tuesday St. Cloud or Julie Stevens or Vicki LaCroix. And if it’s a boy, it should be just a whole mess of abbreviations, like T.J. Hallisay or B.J. Hallisay or R.J.J.R. Hallisay. Then again, having two kids named after seasons is cool too. Autumn and Summer? That actually sounds like a long-lost track from Let’s Go Bang. It’s perfect!

As expected, Pope Fracis met one of his bosses and God’s second-in-command at his palace in Vatican City. It was reported yesterday that Brad Pitt was supposed to tag along, but he wasn’t there for the most important religious moment in history, because Shiloh and Zahara went with St. Angie Jolie and the Vatican can only hold in so much holiness.

Dame St. Angie Jolie was at the Vatican to screen Unbroken and after the screening, she was summoned to the throne room in The Pope’s house to meet Pope Franny. E! News says that the meeting didn’t last that long. They gossiped about that saint-hating trick Scott Rudin and Pope Francis told St. Angie that he always sees her in pictures with a greasy hobo and she truly is a saint for helping the homeless. They touched hands for a second and afterward Pope Francis shook like a fangirl and was overheard saying, “Girl, I’m never washing this hand again.” The Pope should’ve paid proper respect to St. Angie by literally kissing her ass, but since she’s humble and gracious, she kissed his ring instead. That ring has since been protected in a vacuum-sealed bag and The Pope will cuddle with it every night. After the Catholic kiki with Pope Francis, St. Angie released this statement:

“To be invited to screen Unbroken at The Vatican is an honor and a tribute to Louie’s legacy as a man of faith and someone who exemplified the power of forgiveness and the strength of the human spirit. These are universal themes at the heart of the human experience everywhere.”

St. Angie, Zahara and Shiloh (who is giving me “hipster going to a job interview”) also took this group picture in front of a portrait of a dove getting ready to attack The Pope’s face.

Well, Pope Francis hasn’t even been Pope for a year, but he had a good run. Now that he’s met St. Angie, he’s going to resign as Pope, turn in his white chichi hat, replace his wardrobe with all-black clothes and convert to Brangeloonieism.

Pic: Wenn.com

I’m sure my 94-year-old neighbor Mrs. Lee saw this tender moment between Betty White and Chris Evans at the 2015 People’s Choice Awards and was like “Oh, that Spider Man – such a gentleman” (because everyone is Spider Man to grandma types).

Because I stopped giving my brain exercise a long time ago, I watched the People’s Choice Awards last night. Or at least as much as my brain could handle, till it began screaming “ENOUGH!!!” and made me change the channel to something more mentally stimulating, like Pick A Puppy. But what I did see was 93-year-old life legend and sassy lil’ slice of lemon meringue pie Betty White accepting the award for Favorite TV Icon (how kind of Bruce Jenner to decline the award and give it to the next in line). Of course, an icon like Betty should never walk anywhere without a hot entourage, so hot hottie Chris Evans popped out of his seat and escorted her to the stage. Not shown: what I assume was at least 50 other dudes behind him fighting over the privilege of offering their arm to one of the Golden Girls.

But it wasn’t all about Betty. How rude, I know. Other people took home awards too, including 2014’s version of Jenna Elfman Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting for Favorite Comedic TV Actress, The Big Bang Theory for Favorite TV Show and Favorite Network TV Comedy, Melissa & Joey for Favorite Cable TV Comedy (wait, WHAT?), Tay Tay Swift and her BFF Ed Sheeran as Favorite Female and Male Artist, and Maleficent for Favorite Movie. Unfortunately, Angelina Jolie couldn’t be there in person to accept her award, because she was too busy working miracles for the Pope in Italy. You can see the whole list of winners is here, if you need that in your life.

Sadly, Betty didn’t walk the red carpet before or after the show (probably because a true icon gives the poor 2s and 3s of the world a moment in the spotlight every once in a while), but everyone else did, so here’s all the famous types from the People’s Choice awards, including Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting wearing some kind of sheer-paneled classy/slutty jumpsuit culottes thing, Anna Faris looking like a fancy Vegas bride, and Kat Dennings working that A+ goth brothel madame game:

Pics: Wenn.com

You should see what he’s doing with the Maraschino Cherry and the little paper umbrella. – JalapeñoBusiness

Upvote winner:

coke head – daisy100

Pic: Izismile

Cookie Lyon (as played by Taraji P. Henson) from Empire!

Fox’s new show Empire had me as soon as critics started calling it the “hip hop Dynasty.” I will watch anything that is compared to Dynasty. If a new Kartrashian show terrorized our screens and you told me it was the “Dynasty of reality TV,” I’d report you to the proper authorities for committing illegal acts of defamation and vicious verbal assault, and then I’d secretly watch it in shame to see if you’re right.

So, I watched the pilot last night and managed not to barf every time steaming asshole Terrence Howard was on the screen, which was a lot since he’s the main character. (Side note: Every time Terrence was in a scene with a woman, I hoped that her down low parts didn’t smell Baby Wipes fresh, because that scent feeds his evil!) But I perked up and paid attention every time Cookie Lyon graced the screen. Cookie is the best part. Cookie Lyon is the glamorous, cutthroat, badass goddess we need AND deserve.

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