The humanoid silicone space goddess known to us mere mortals as JWoww recently revealed on her blog (via People) that she treated herself to a boob tune-up. JWoww says that her boob job journey began 10 years ago when she was inspired by her “girl crush” Carmen Electra to get a fake pair of 34F tits installed in her chest.

Unfortunately, shortly after the birth of her daughter Meilani, her gorgeous plastic titties became all warped and fucked up from breastfeeding. Obviously JWoww would never, ever want to look like a pile of messy plastic surgery, so she went back to her doctor and had him swap out her old busted boob inserts with some brand new 34Fs (seen above, looking like a pair of over-inflated Pogo Balls).

JWoww says that thanks to her amazing doctor, her tits still have a “soft, natural look to them”, which leads me to believe that JWoww’s home was built on the site of an old abandoned Fun House and she might want to call the New Jersey equivalent of the Ghostbusters, because clearly all her mirrors are now haunted.

But this isn’t the last time JWoww’s boobs will be replaced. She says that after she’s done breastfeeding her second child (that doesn’t currently exist, but she’s apparently trying to make happen), she’ll swap out her busted beach ball tits for brand new ones once again. And good news for any of you who are looking at JWoww’s plastic chichis and thinking “Hmm…that is some truly exquisite craftsmanship“, she’s linked to her doctor’s Twitter and Facebook on her blog.

I’m glad JWoww is upgrading her titties and all, but I’m a little concerned about that comment she made about Carmen Electra being the reason she got fake ones in the first place. As someone who bought all 5 volumes of Carmen Electra’s Fit To Strip on DVD 10 years ago, I’m starting to think Carmen Electra has some kind of psychic mind control power we’re not aware of. I’m on to you, Carmen!

Pic: Instagram

I was going to scream, “FREEEEEEEEE HEATHER CHOOOO,” but then I realized that I don’t mind nuts in a bag. At this point, I’ll take nuts any way I can get ’em.

Former Korean Air executive Heather Cho instantly became GOOP and Anna Wintour’s unofficial hero of the year last December when she flew into a full-blown entitled ass rage after a flight attendant served her macadamia nuts in a bag, instead of on a plate, in first class on a flight from JFK to the South Korean city of Incheon. Heather eventually resigned as VP of the company. Heather’s father, Korean Air president Cho Yangho, told the press at the time that he blames himself for raising her badly. An investigation was launched, because Heather made the pilots take the plane back to the gate so she could kick off the chief flight attendant for not training their staff to serve macadamia nuts in a dish. That chief flight attendant should also be disciplined by the law for not throwing a DEEZ NUTS joke at Heather Cho when they had the chance.

During the trial, witnesses testified that Heather Cho hit the chief flight attendant with the service manual, and a flight attendant testified that he was told by a Korean Air manager to keep his lips shut about her nut-induced cuntastic tantrum. Prosecutors asked the judge to throw Heather Cho in jail for 3 years, because she broke aviation law and tried to mess with their investigation. The judge gave her one year instead. The Korean Air manager who told that flight attendant to shut their mouth was also sentenced to eight months in the chokey. via BBC News

Judge Oh Sung-woo said it was a case where “human dignity” had been “trampled upon”.

Judge Oh said Cho had treated the flight “as if it was her own private plane”.

“It is doubtful that the way the nuts were served was so wrong,” he said.

The judge said Cho, who is also known as Cho Hyun-ah, had failed to show enough remorse even after she submitted letters to the court apologising for the incident.

CNN says that the trial got a lot of attention in South Korea, because the people are sick of nepotism and sick of wealthy, powerful families getting away with all sorts of shit.

South Korea does not play. Heather Cho’s nut rage only happened in December and she’s already lost her job and is heading for prison. Can we as a people get together and lie and say that Conrad Hilton was actually on a Korean Air flight in South Korea when he thew that King Joffrey-approved tantrum so that Judge Oh Sung-woo can sentence him to one full of year of serving macadamia nuts in a bag to Heather Cho in prison?

Pic: AP

Stop whatever it is you’re doing, because this is EXTRA EXTRA BREAKING NEWS. Surgeons, put down your scalpels – that liver transplant will have to wait a moment, because this is very important. Because Blake Lively is still searching for the perfect Civil War-era Chantilly lace baby bonnet and an 18th century daguerreotype photographer, she has yet to introduce the world to the 2-month-old baby girl she made with Ryan Reynolds. So far, Bland’s baby is a mystery, right down to the name.

Some people thought her name was Violet, but Ryan said that was a lie. But according to E!, everyone can stop guessing the names of random flowers and field herbs, because a source has told them that the Lively-Reynolds baby is named James. Is it just me, or does Blake, Ryan, and James sound like the names of three dudes who got kicked out of their frat house for digging a home-made swimming pool into the front yard?

Bland and Van Wilder haven’t commented on whether or not that’s what they named their baby, and until someone from the new baby name office releases a picture of themselves holding up a birth certificate that says JAMES LIVELY REYNOLDS in one hand and a newspaper with today’s date on it in the other, we can’t be sure what the hell they named their baby. So don’t count yourself out if you had $20 on Apothecary Milkthistle in your office’s Blake Lively Baby Name Pool.

Danny Masterson is a born and bred Scientologist and he’s married to Scientologist Bijou Phillips (Side note: Thank you to the Dlisted commenter who once said, “Ugh, Bijou Phillips would fuck a snake,” a million years ago, because every time I type her name I think of her fucking a snake. A snake with Danny Masterson’s face and neckbeard), so of course he has strong feelings hating  on Scientology.

Paper Magazine talked to Hyde from That 70s Show at Sundance about Going Clear, the HBO documentary that EXPOSES some of the crazy and possibly criminal shit those crazies have done. Danny goes full Tom Cruise and made it perfectly clear that his body is empty of blood and only barley-flavored Kool-Aid runs through his veins, because ho doesn’t have one bad thing to say about Scientology. It’s as if L. Ron Hubbard’s ghost shoved his fist up Danny’s ass and moved his mouth while talking for him. Danny told Paper that Scientology is better than college, Scientologists don’t hate gay people (cut to John Travolta falling through a trap door into a dungeon after trying to bring up Grindr in the Scientology Centre) and how people suffering from mental illness don’t need meds when Scientology can fix them! Take it away, Danny!

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Pinocchio’s long-lost bulgy-pantsed brother Brian Williams is currently public enemy no. 1 with most people he knows after he admitted to “misremembering” a bunch of stuff he said he did. Tom Brokaw is over his lying ass, NBC News told him to clear out his desk for the next 6 months, Lester Holt and the NBC News team took a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser to his identity. Even the NBC Peacock is like “yeah, I don’t know that guy…“. But there is one person out there who is standing behind Brian Williams in solidarity, and that person is Captain Crazy of the S.S. Meth Mouth, Charlie Sheen.

Charlie Sheen just couldn’t bear to remain silent on the unfair treatment Brian Williams was receiving, so he took a break from thinking about running for President in 2016 to write a letter to his favorite former news anchor explaining that he knows the TRUTH: that this is nothing but a “vile witch hunt” against American Hero Brian Williams. Charlie gave said letter to TMZ (aka he was found in the TMZ parking lot screaming “HEY, SOMEBODY WRITE THIS DOWN” into a broken bullhorn) and it’s long and it’s crazy, so it’s after the cut.

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Not to be outdone, Jared Leto finally enslaved the Hammaconda. – Joe Allen

Upvote winner:

Conchita’s wurst. – potrapetey

Pic: Imgur