That Mysterious Illness Avril Lavigne Had Was Lyme Disease

/ April 1, 2015

Avril Lavigne, who looks like a third-rate Amy Adams impersonator in a Coldwater Creek ad on the cover,  recently spoke to People about the mysterious illness that made her go MIA for the past couple of months. At the time, Avril never said what she was sick with, so naturally I assumed it was an allergy to some cheap black eyeliner. In reality, it was much worse: Avril Lavigne had contracted a serious case of Lyme disease.

According to Avril, it all started back in October during a trip to Las Vegas for her 30th birthday. Avril says while her friends were hanging out at the pool, she was hanging out in her bedroom feeling all kinds of sick. When she got home, she still felt like shit, so she went to the doctor and that’s when she was diagnosed with Lyme disease. Cut to Chad Kroeger breathing a huge sigh of relief that his wife’s illness wasn’t the result of listening to “She Keeps Me Up“.

After taking a bunch of time off to recover at home in Ontario with her mom, Avril says she’s “80 percent better” and that “This was a wake-up call. I really just want to enjoy life from here on out.” I just pictured Avril Lavigne diving into a swimming pool shaped like Hello Kitty that’s been filled with 30,000 gallons of hot pink Manic Panic.

The only thing I know about Lyme disease* is that Yolanda Foster and Miss Hoover had it, and that you get it from a tick bite. And since I have a major phobia of bitey things, Avril has all my sympathy. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to dump an entire bottle of bleach on my brain in an attempt to cure the severe case of the willies I got from looking up ‘What are spirochetes‘ immediately after ‘What are morgellons.

*Note from Michael: As most of you know, Allison is from Canada where The Real Word: Seattle never aired, so she does not know about important Lyme disease education advocate Irene McGee. And since whenever you think about Irene from The Real World: Seattle, you think about that “Irene! Irene!” slap down moment, here’s that clip.

Read more…

Hot Slut Of The Day!

/ April 1, 2015

The topless Australian blossom of Google Maps!

And a new Australian hero has emerged in all her big tittied glory. Australia announced today that their new country flower is a delicate and demure, wide-petaled beauty named Karen Davis of Port Pirie. When a Google Street View mobile made the rounds in Karen’s neighborhood back in January, she did what everybody should do when they see that shit: she pulled up her t-shirt and gave a Flowers Gone Wild titty show as either her neighbors or family members nearly exploded with pride nearby.

Before Google uploads the pictures their Google Street View mobile takes, they pass the pictures through some software that blurs out faces, license plates and anything that may be offensive to human eyes like Justin Bieber, CROCs and a dog wearing tiny UGGs. (Note: When I was in NYC over the weekend, I saw a dog wearing what looked like pink UGGs and if my phone’s battery wasn’t at 19%, I would’ve called 911 to report that crime against caninity.) But when Google ran the picture from Karen’s block through their software, it blurred out the license plate and headlights on the car next to her but it didn’t blur out the high beams on her chest. After the cut is the uncensored NSFW screen shot of the new pride of Australia and her magnificent chichi gourds.

Continue reading

Read more…
SHARE

Birthday Sluts

/ April 1, 2015

Susan Boyle (54)
Asa Butterfield (18)
Kid Ink (29)
Hillary Scott (29)
Matt Lanter (32)
Sam Huntington (33)
Taran Killam (33)
Bijou Phillips (35)
Jon Gosselin (38)
David Oyelowo (39)
China Chow (41)
Joe Francis (42)
Rachel Maddow (42)
Albert and Allen Hughes (43)
Chris Evans, the presenter (49)
Jane Adams (50)
Phillip Schofield (53)
Barry Sonnenfeld (62)
Annette O’Toole (63)
Ali MacGraw (76)
Debbie Reynolds (83)
Jane Powell (86)

Read more…
SHARE

Joni Mitchell Is In The Hospital After She Was Found Unconscious In Her Home

/ March 31, 2015

And all together now while putting on “River“: NOOOooooOOOOOO.

TMZ says that the legendary Joni Mitchell was found unconscious at her home in Bel Air this afternoon. Someone at her house called 911. Joni eventually came to and was “alert” during the ambulance ride to the hospital. 71-year-old Joni is now in ICU. Her Twitter account confirmed that she’s in the hospital, but they didn’t really have any details. TMZ says that they’re hearing it’s “serious.”

The Daily Mail also points out that in her memoirs, Joni wrote about how she was diagnosed with Morgellons, which is a condition where the sufferer believes that disgusting parasites are living under their skin. If you want to be able to close your eyes again, do not go to Google Images and type in “Morgellons.”

Now let’s resume the prayer circle.

Pic: Getty

Read more…

Night Crumbs

/ March 31, 2015

Panty Creamer of the Day: A beefy Billy Idol-looking ass Robbie Williams bent over, horned up, making a butt queef face and sticking his mic into an imaginary b-hole in Paris. Yes, yes, I’d hit it and by “it” I mean Robbie, not the mic. Okay, the mic too. – Lainey Gossip 

My favorite philosopher Megan Fox isn’t dumb and uneducated, okay? The PhD certificate in deep thinking she printed herself from PhonyDiploma.com says otherwise, bitches  – Celebitchy

Gigi Hadid was in Ad Week and that’s great and everything, but when is my favorite child of a Real Housewife of Beverly Hills, Giggy Vanderpump, finally going to get the modeling career he deserves?  – Drunken Stepfather

This is what Rumer Willis’ ass looks like in a bootleg “Brit Brit in Toxic” jumpsuit, in case you were wondering – Egotastic! 

Our Lady of Cheetos is a true fine literature lover who only picks the finest classics to read for Daddy Spears to read to her – WWTDD

Pic: Getty

WIGS and NeNe Leakes are trying to be the Nicole Richie and Parasite Hilton of 2015 – Reality Tea 

Disney is doing a live-action Mulan movie and watch them cast Kristen Stewart in the title role – Jezebel

Hugh Hefner ran an underground pussy railroad under the Playboy Mansion – The Superficial

Um, excuse me while I find out whose dick I have to suck to get into University College London. (Please tell me the answer is: the mathematical modeling lecturer) – Towleroad

Hannibal Buress definitely left a mark on that heckler – Hollywood Tuna

Taylor Swift is such copy cat trash, because I wore that same exact outfit to Target the other week – Popoholic

Goodbye to productivity! Not that productivity and I spent that much time together anyway – OMG Blog

Here’s something for those of you hos who are into man bun porn – The Berry

Vanessa Hudgens used to throw death glares at Zac Efron’s fan girls, because she wasn’t about to be replaced as his main beard – Popsugar

NBC is doing The Wiz as their next live musical and my dream cast is Basement Baby as Dorothy, La Toya Jackson as Glinda and Quween on the Scene (whatever happened to her?) as Evilene – HuffPo

Robin Williams’ wife and kids have ten days to figure out who gets what before their fight is completely aired out in court – ICYDK

I read this headline as “Scott Eastwood on Dad Clint: ‘He Doesn’t Give Hand Jobs'”Just Jared

Read more…
Tags:
SHARE

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >