I know, I’m following up a post about the Khloe Kardashian of the Jenner sisters being accused of doing blackface with a post about Mindy Kaling’s brother pretendiing to be black to go into med school. And on Easter Sunday, nonetheless! I was going to spend time making Peep-tinis, but now I’m just going to throw the Peeps to the side and guzzle the vodka straight. It’s one of those days.

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I know – that’s an OFFENSIVE amount of body shimmer. No! That’s not the reason people are kicking out chairs and motioning to Kylie Jenner to have a seat today. According to E!, Kim’s slightly irregular outlet mall equivalent pissed off the internet after she decided to Instagram a picture of herself from a recent photo shoot looking a couple shades darker in the skin. Then, to make matters messier, she captioned it: “What I wish I looked like all the time.”

Of course, it didn’t take long before some people started throwing side-eye at what appeared to be Kylie Jenner in So In Style doll drag. So she yanked the picture and uploaded a new one of her looking a little more like herself, then proceeded to swat at everyone accusing her of doing herself up in blackface by describing her look as follows:

“This is a black light and neon lights people lets all calm down.“

Ha! Says the white girl who wears gold grills and goes by Kylizzle. At least now she has an excuse on hand for the next time someone accuses her of injecting too much silicone into her upper lip. “OMG its just lights people lets all calm down.”

I’m sure Kylie was hoping that by replacing the original picture with two different ones from the same photo shoot, everyone would hush up about Kylie trying to not look like Kylie. But I’ll be honest – these new ones aren’t much better. I mean, since when did Kylie Jenner look like a Cylon Centurion stripper from Battlestar Galactica?

Pics: Instagram

Bean Bunny, bullied icon and star of one of the greatest Easter TV specials of the 80s!

The Tale of the Bunny Picnic was a Muppet TV special from the mind of Jim Henson that was created in 1986 and played every year during Easter times on HBO, usually. Because the part of my brain that stores memories has been eaten by weed, other drugs and traumatizing images (example: the Fred Durst sex tape), I don’t remember where I watched it but I remember watching it several times. We didn’t have HBO, so I must’ve watched it at the house of one of my friends who were either rich or had a descrambler box.

Anyway, that beautiful mess of a special told the story of Bean Bunny, a slightly annoying, smaller bunny rabbit who wants to help with putting together the great big annual bunny picnic. But Bean Bunny’s asshole piece of trash older brother thinks that he’s too small to help and will only be a bother. None of those bunnies should be talking shit about anybody, because they all look like frazzled meth heads in dire need of a VO5 hot oil treatment.

So, Bean Bunny shuffles into the lettuce patch where he hallucinates about being king of the bunnies (Uh huh, lettuce patch my ass. More like lettucesmokethemarijuanainthispatch patch) and he comes nose-to-nose with a raggedy dog. Bean Bunny runs back to the bunny land to warn all his family and friends about the dog who can eat them all. None of those dumb ass bunny bitches believe him. To make a long ass story shorter, the bunnies find out that the dog is only trying to catch them because his evil ass owner is making him. They all work together to take down the evil farmer. Throw in a giant janky bunny costume, allergies and many musical numbers and that’s the Tale of the Bunny Picnic!

Here’s the opening number, which will be highly entertaining if you’re 6 years old or stoned. It will be beyond highly entertaining if you’re 6 years old AND stoned.

Yup, after watching that opening number again, I can confirm that all those bunnies are fucked up on “lettuces.” You can watch the rest of this Easter jewel here.

Happy Easter, everyone! And if you got a chocolate dildo in your basket today and used it, a Happy Yeaster to you too!

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Leave it to Beyonce to try to upstage Jesus on HIS weekend. For shame! Today, Beyonce queefed up a brand new video for a song called “Die Without You” on Tidal (pronounced: Fuck Spotify), the Illuminati hypnotizing tool masquerading as a streaming service that Jay-Z and other multi-millionaire artists own a piece of.

The song was probably written by at least 18 writers including Beyonce who should totally get a writing credit since I’m sure the “oooohs” were her idea. Beyonce dedicated the song to Jay-Z, because today is their 7th wedding anniversary. And while yodeling out the song in front of a painting that looks like a pink unicorn’s period, Beyonce threw sex-me eyes at the cameraman who happened to be Jay-Z. The video was released EXCLUSIVELY to Tidal and it was exclusive for about 6 seconds until it was ripped and posted all over the Internet.

And that razor sharp eyebrow arch. Beyonce better watch it, because every time she lifted her brow, that razor sharp arch came dangerously close to cutting a piece of her weave off.

If that video gets yanked down, click here to find one that hasn’t been killed.

If you know someone who runs one of those charities that donates eyeglasses to the needy, now would be the time to point them in the direction of Lindsay Lohan, because bitch is clearly going blind if she can’t see how truly messy those stairs are behind her.

Yesterday, the itchy drug-resistant rash America gave to England posted a picture of herself wearing one of those waist trainers to Twitter. And just like the last time she tried to post a sexy body selfie, the right side of her body was lousy with janky Photoshop fuckery and a bunch of people called her ass out for it. Sidebar: you know you’re dealing with a truly busted photo when the giant pair of pastel green spandex-wrapped pussy lips aren’t thing first thing your eyes are drawn to.

Of course, once the Apricot Ashtray realized that she’d been caught trying to shrink her waist with the liquify tool, she yanked the picture. A little while later, she uploaded it once again, this time with a set of stairs that didn’t look like they weren’t built by Salvador Dali. But it was too late. Everyone already saw those warped stairs and floor tiles. Sweet Jesus, those floor tiles! If that’s not the result of shitty Photoshop, then HGTV’s Scott McGillivray better get his hot ass to whatever severely flood-damaged basement Lohan took this picture in and fix it.

How many times does this kind of crap have to happen before famous vain types will finally learn to stop posing in front of stairs if they plan on sneakily Photoshopping the hell out of themselves? Stairs will rat you out every time!