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George and Amal Clooney went to Kentucky and I guess she figured for some reason that a trip to his homeland called for her wearing the dress in a Pocahontas costume from Walgreens – Jezebel

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen had a little fight on the carpet at the CFDA. What does it mean???! – Lainey Gossip

Broadway soft-core porn for your eyes: Alan Cumming feels up Kristin Chenoweth – Drunken Stepfather

Cara Delawhatever gets deep – Celebitchy

This is supposedly Kate Upton in an ugly clearance sale swimsuit from a Land’s End catalog circa 2002 – The Superficial

Kim Richards didn’t leave The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. She got fired. Bravo should just go ahead and fire them all and replace them with the cast of Dynasty – Reality Tea

Eastenders should respond to the fans grossed out by the gay kiss by doing a gay salad tossing scene – Towleroad

Jessica Alba went to dinner with Cash Warren who dressed like the cool substitute English teacher in a show on The CW – Popoholic

I don’t know who Chloe Sims is, but I do know that dressing like a go-go dancer at a Buck Rogers-themed club in Reno IS the look – Hollywood Tuna

Jim Bailey is now in heaven, singing as Liza Minnelli during a duet with Judy Garland – Boy Culture

Sorry, friendly bear, but Chris Christie’s FUPA still wins FUPA of the week – The Berry

Ludacris and Eudoxie, which sounds like a cocktail of anti-depressants, are parents now – Popsugar

I watch Nichelle Nichols‘ Truck Turner scenes at least once a week, because it’s part of my religion, but I’m going to watch it them over and over again today while praying for her to fully recover so she can get these tricks in line – HuffPo

Jason Alexander is sowwy he was an ass to the actress who played Susan on Seinfeld – Pajiba

Madonna looks like Kesha Lavigne on her MS Paint-looking single cover – OMG Blog

The show that gave us Wheelchair Jimmy is going away – SOW

Sarah Palin goes KANYE while dragging Little Critter’s sister Lena Dunham into the Duggars disaster – Just Jared

Pic: Facebook

If you’re squinting at that name while saying, “Doesn’t ring a bell” (aka the same thing North West thinks to herself when her weekday nanny asks her if she misses Kim), then you’re probably not an abuelo of the internet like some of our old asses around here.

Latarian Milton drove into the heart of the internet a million years ago (7 to be exact) when he was just 7 years old and stole his grandma’s SUV to take it for a joy ride around Palm Beach Gardens, FL. Dude was obviously Lindsay Lohan’s driving instructor, because he hit two mailboxes, two parked cars and two moving cars during his short ride. Latarian became an overnight internet star, because when he was interviewed by the news, he made it clear that he subscribes to Florida’s motto: We Just Don’t Give A Fuck!

When asked why he did it, he said, “I wanted to do it, because it’s fun. It’s fun to do bad things like drive into a car.” He was also asked if he knew he could possibly kill someone, “Yes, but I wanted to do hood rat stuff with my friends.”

Latarian took Hollywood by STORM after that and by that I mean he was on Tosh.0, was almost on Judge Judy and The Boondocks did an episode about him. Latarian continued with that hood rat stuff way of life by getting into trouble for beating his grandma at a Walmart over some chicken wings two months after his joy ride. Latarian became abuelita enemy #1, but then he sort of disappeared after that. I still quote him today, because he’s one of my favorite poets along with God Warrior.

Well, we FINALLY have a Latarian Milton update. WESH Orlando says that Latarian has officially retired from doing bad things and he’s now a 14-year-old who just graduated from middle school. Latarian still lives with his grandma who said that she straightened him out and she may or may not have used the chancleta to do so. Latarian is going to play football in high school and he hopes to play football in college too. If he plays football the same way he drives, he’ll knock them all down.

This is what Latarian looked like on graduation day:

Look at Latarian now! RT @WESH: Child who took SUV on joyride graduates from middle school http://t.co/pklHDD0Hny pic.twitter.com/c4jdUwEqAw

— Andrea Dennis (@AndreaKDennis) June 4, 2015

If you look at that certificate closely, you will see the words: “Latarian Milton Is 14 Years Old. You’re All Older Than Dust.” If you looked closely and still didn’t see those words, put your bifocals on, you old bitch.

(Thanks Alyssa)

More like “Full House of Oriental Trading Company Wigs.”

Since Full House is so in again right now, Lifetime decided to follow the trend by making an unauthorized Full House movie called The Unauthorized Full House Story. (Lifetime’s title maker really deserves all the raises.) I’m surprised Lifetime wasn’t stopped from using the Full House name and had to call their future mess The Unauthorized Story Of That Sitcom From The 80s Whose Title Rhymes With Bull Mouse. Today, Lifetime released the first picture of the cast of people you don’t know and the dude who used to do Miley Cyrus as John Stamos. I only have one word for this:

MESS!!!!!

So far, this looks like it’s going to be even more god awful than the unauthorized Saved By The Bell movie and I really cannot wait. That cast looks like a cult who broke into the Tanner family house, tied everyone up in the attic and took over their identities. I think the casting director said “fuck it” and let Mr. Bear choose the cast while they went out to get drunk. I can’t even call this the 99 Cent Store version of Full House, because the 99 Cent Store at least tries a little to create generic ass knock-offs that are somewhat similar to the thing they’re copying. This isn’t even close and I love it. This is the perfect cast!

But really, it’s all fun and games until I see the Kimmy Gibbler knock-off.

via The Wrap

If this picture of Jada Pinkett Smith making a choreographed LOL face while Will Smith shows off the Popsicle stick he stuck in her bra strap as a prank hasn’t convinced you that Will and Jada are still gunning for that Perfect Couple Realness trophy, then Jada gushing about Will to Howard Stern…probably won’t either. But at least they keep trying, right?

Jada appeared on Howard Stern’s SiriusXM show on Wednesday (via THR) and, surprise surprise, she started talking about her husband. Thankfully she saved all the “OMG isn’t my husband such a super sexy stud?” talk for another interview (set 10 minutes on the countdown clock for that one). Instead, Jada started talking about how Will is free to do whatever Will wants to do, and she’s cool with that, because she trusts him to not make a fool of himself.

“You gotta trust who you’re with. At the end of the day, I’m not here to be anybody’s watcher. I’m not his watcher. He’s a grown man. I trust that the man that Will is is a man of integrity. He’s got all the freedom in the world, and as long as Will can look himself in the mirror and be okay, I’m good.”

This is the second time Jada has talked about looking in a mirror and being OK with yourself. Watch out Stuart Smalley, Jada’s coming for your game.

I know this sounds like Jada’s way of saying “Will fucks his and I fuck mine and we both make it home by dinnertime“, but she never really says anything about having an open marriage. Just that Will Smith has freedom and she’s not sniffing his dick when he gets in the door. That’s good, I guess. I mean, it sure beats finding a stain while you’re doing the laundry and spending the next four hours on Facebook wondering who it came from. “Was it that skank Sheila?? Get in that bathroom and look in the mirror, damn it!”

Pic: Facebook

Mimi and CoCo better step their meaty pussy game up, because a cuntender has arrived out of absolutely nowhere and is threatening to steal away their title as masters of the suffocating crotch.

Chris Christie, the Governor of New Jersey and possible presidential candidate, played in a celebrity softball game for charity at Yankee Stadium yesterday and he answered the question, “What would it look like if a camel and a moose held hooves while watching a sunset together?” Chris Christie’s got the entire pedicure department of a zoo up in his baseball pants. That’s a camel toe/moose knuckle situation that could stop traffic on a bridge.

Usually, when you see someone with a crotch that looks like a tightly-wrapped soft fortune cookie, you take a picture for your Camel Toe and Moose Knuckle Hall of Fame scrapbook and then you wonder if anybody told them about the tangled mess that’s happening down below. Maybe somebody did tell Chris Christie that those tight baseball pants made his balls look like two newborn hamsters spooning. Maybe he didn’t care. Maybe his crotch looking like donkey lips blowing a kiss is his way of throwing shade at the Democrats.

If Chris Christie don’t care, he should put that on his campaign poster, because being proud of his juicy camel toe game is a selling point.

Pics: Getty, AP via The Superficial