Iggy Azalea’s ride from “da rillest rappuh in da game” to da rillest Dancing with the Stars contestant got a boost yesterday when she announced that she’s no longer going to headline Pittsburgh Pride on Saturday. As soon as Iggy was announced as the headliner, several LGBT groups came out against the decision, because she’s not exactly known as being a champion of the LGBT community and they pulled out some of the offensive tweets she’s shat up in the past. At first, Delta Foundation, the organization that runs Pittsburgh Pride, defended their decision to give the Pig Latin rapping chanteuse the headlining spot. But after several groups dropped out of Pride and Pittsburgh City Council President Bruce Kraus spat on the decision, the city has screamed: I-G-G-BYE! Iggy tweeted this announcement/apology, which she totally didn’t write because there’s not one “dat” in there.

First Iggy’s entire arena tour and now Pittsburgh Pride. At this rate, the only gig she’ll be lucky to book is the opening spot for Lil’ Kim at the Plastic Surgeons of Fort Myers Beach Convention in a conference room at a Best Western. (“Shut up, asshole, we don’t want her either.” – The Plastic Surgeons of Fort Myers Beach Association) Since we all love a big comeback, I wouldn’t be surprised if Iggy busted out a big comeback next year. But as someone who’s been waiting for Stacey Q’s big comeback for centuries, I’ll be pissed if Iggy has a big comeback before a true artist like Stacey Q does.

And Delta Foundation announced this afternoon (no, they didn’t) that they are replacing Iggy with Chris Brown!

Here’s Iggy taking her new face and engagement ring for a little stroll in L.A. the other day.

Pics: Wenn.com

Great news for those of you who got really bummed out after learning that your fap/tap visual of chubby Chris Pratt had a defective dingus last week. The real-life Andy Dwyer would like you to know that when he told Men’s Health UK that being a couple pounds heavier had a negative effect on his dick (i.e. he was “impotent“), he didn’t realize that “impotent” meant “no more boners.” And so it begins!

Chris Pratt clarified what he meant during an interview with Access Hollywood on Saturday and probably because he felt bad for everyone who spent the weekend praying for his poor penis of the past using a rosary made from shady internet Viagra pills:

“I’m not sure I knew what ‘impotent’ meant when I said it,” he said, laughing. “I had a lower sex drive, to be honest with you. Everything about my spirit was dull. I didn’t feel great, and I think people will relate to that. And I don’t want to ever come out against sounding like I’m talking smack about people who have issues with their body weight, or don’t have issues with their body weight. To each their own, but to those who felt the way I felt at that time, there’s really hope.”

Okay, so now we know that Chris Pratt’s wiener worked, but that it was a real struggle. His penis was sort of like me every morning; eventually I get up, but it takes at least 45 minutes of desperately slapping the snooze button and hissing drowsy expletives into my pillow before I do. I’m sure I could do it quicker if I dropped some chunk, but since Brownie Batter Oreos may be a thing soon, I’m not ready to make that sacrifice just yet.

It’s a good thing that Jerry Seinfeld doesn’t need to play colleges for extra cash since he can just squat, spread his cheeks and shit some out into his solid gold toilet. Jerry Seinfeld says that, like Chris Rock, he doesn’t really take his act to colleges, he doesn’t want to deal with the politically correct college students who will call for a boycott on his ass and start petitions over the ~edgy~ and ~ohSOoffensive~ jokes (you know, the kind of jokes he’s known for) that fly out of his mouth during his set. Jerry wants all the PC kids to get off his lawn.

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Even Kris Jenner is like “Hahahahah! That’s a good one! All jokes aside, don’t forget to remind me to transfer your $19,500 weekly allowance from my bank account in Hell to yours when we get back from whatever event I’m pimping you out at here.”

Today’s reason for pulling out that trusty old “Sure, Jan” GIF is brought to you by Kylie Jenner, who recently admitted to InStyle UK (via UsWeekly) that she hasn’t seen any kash from Pimp Mama Kris since 2012. That would mean that according to Kylie, Pimp Mama Kris kut her off when she was 14 years old. Uh huh.

“My Mom cut me off financially three years ago so I pay for everything – my car, my gas and food as well as my clothes. There are so many outfits I bought in the past that I just think now are NOT cute – but there’s not very much I can do about it!”

“In the past“? Girl…

But really, does Kylie think we’re all dumb enough to believe that a 17-year-old bought a $2.7 million house with the money she made selling hair extensions? And that she pays for her lip fillers, how – with the loose change she finds in between the couch cushions of Khloe’s ass? Rich teenager, PLEASE. Who does she think negotiates her KUWTK kontrakt every year? PMK may not be handing her an envelope of kash every month, but she’s still on PMK’s payroll.

If Kylie is telling the truth and she hasn’t seen a penny from her mom in years, at least we know there’s still an adult in her life who can cover the bill if money’s tight that month. Speaking of, here’s Kylie’s adult boyfriend Tyga taking her to the movies last night.

Pics: Splash

His gang name was Narcissus. – A_Noun

Upvote winner:

Rebel Without a Blind Spot. – FluffKitteh

Pic: Tosh.0

Shirley Clements, a 60-year-old Canadian teacher who can stretch, kick, stretch and do a bunch of other moves. She’s SIXTY!

I’m almost half the age of Shirley Clements, whose students call her Mama C, and I get sore and need to soak in a tub full of cold packs when I walk from the couch to the refrigerator one more time than usual. But the only thing Mama Clements uses ice packs for is to press on the eyeballs of the people who get hit with the scorching hot moves she spins out. Mama Clements tells Global News that she’s been dancing since she was 4 years old and a little thing called “the Metamucil phase of life” isn’t stopping her from setting the gym floor on fire with her dance skills.

Mama Clements, who teaches P.E. and dance at a school in Surrey, BC, recently became an internet star after a video of her laying down hip hop and breakdance moves with her students at a performance in January went viral. Mama C is showing Madonna that there’s more than one memaw out there who is breaking it down better than hos half their age. Mama C is the breakdancing grannies from Don’t Be A Menace (but she does it without a dance double).

And Mama C can burn up the mic too:

Mama C can dance and rap. Somebody get her a North American tour now! I hear there are some arenas that suddenly have an open spot to fill.