Birthday Sluts

/ June 10, 2015

Gina Gershon (53)
Kate Upton (23)
Nick Adams (32)
Leelee Sobieski (32)
Princess Madeleine of Sweden (33)
Elyse Sewell (33)
Tara Lipinski (33)
Jonathan Bennett (34)
Hoku (34)
DJ Qualls (37)
Shane West (37)
Benjamin Millepied (38)
Dustin Lance Black (41)
Faith Evans (42)
Flesh-n-Bone (42)
Joel “JoJo” Hailey (44)
The Long Island Medium (49)
Elizabeth Hurley (50)
Kate Flannery (51)
Vincent Perez (51)
Jeanne Tripplehorn (52)
Tony Ward (52)
Carolyn Hennesy (53)
Kim Deal (54)
Kelley Deal (54)
Maxi Priest (54)
Eliot Spitzer (56)
John Edwards (62)
Shirley Alston Reeves of The Shirelles (74)
Prince Philip (94)

Pic: Timothy White

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Night Crumbs

/ June 9, 2015

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck took another “Our Marriage Hasn’t Bit The Dust” strut for the paps. If they’re going to keep doing these pap struts, can they please glamour it up a bit? Jennifer and Ben need to take styling tips from their son, because he knows what’s up – Lainey Gossip

Beyonce is trying to exude “vegan sexiness,” but she looks more like a drunk me on a 101 degree day – Drunken Stepfather

Brad Pitt’s next movie is going to Netflix  – Celebitchy

Excuse me, your honor, but I, Caitlyn Jenner, had nothing to do with this accident!”Caitlyn Jenner to the judge during the trial for her latest car crash lawsuit – Reality Tea 

Jep Robertson, one of the talking beards in Duck Dynasty, says he was molested as a kid – The Superficial 

Here’s Lady CaCa looking like an Angry Bird going to her side job at a strip club – Hollywood Tuna 

Um, I won’t believe that Colin Farrell is truly happy about same-sex marriage in Ireland until I see him take off all his clothes and scream for joy while doing the dick slappy dance – Towleroad

You know your mom’s favorite outfit to wear in the 70s? Diane Kruger stole it and is wearing it – Popoholic

A dude in China is suing an actress for staring at him too hard through the screen. Can we all get together and throw the same kind of lawsuit at Michelle Duggar? – Jezebel

Okay, but I need to know where oh where do moose and their moose children frolic freely in yards and shit? – The Berry 

Today in Cool Story, Bro: Joey from Full House knew about Caitlyn Jenner this whole time – OMG Blog

If you haven’t already, meet the newest little girl who will probably be on Ellen every single day for the next ten million years – SOW

Katy Perry’s Taylor Swift diss track isn’t called “1984” – HuffPo

In other words, Khlozilla totally had lipo – Just Jared 

Amber Heard is on the cover of Elle and I am not for that. The only members of that family who should be on the cover of Elle are Boo and PistolICYDK

Jaden Smith probably smokes so much of the good shit that he feels like he’s permanently trapped in a Baz Luhrmann production, so this makes sense – Pajiba

Leonardo DiCatchAHo and that model Kelly Rohrbach are in the “staged bike riding photos” phase of their relationship, which means that it’s totally true love and they’ll be together forever and ever (read: until she turns the geriatric age of 26 and he dumps her into the model recycling bin before getting himself a younger one) – Popsugar

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Open Post: Hosted By Chicken Cutlets On A Toilet

/ June 9, 2015

Dear Miley Cyrus, you tried it once again, but this is real art right here. Show me a trick who looks at this picture and doesn’t see pure art and I’ll show you a trick who obviously doesn’t know art at its purest, because this is obviously a portrait that will one day sell for millions at Sotheby’s! (Or sell for two quarters in postcard form in a truck stop adult video store in the middle of Nevada somewhere. That’s way more prestigious, actually.) Pee-peeing all over Jenny McCarthy’s stupid Candies ad: PP is.

Sometimes when I post about the hardest-working woman in Hollywood (next to the Rrrrrrrosas Lady of West Hollywood, of course), someone will email me and ask me what does Phoebe Price do exactly. I respond with a list of must-see movies from the past 15 years they need to catch up on (Glitter, Basic Instinct 2, Obsessed, etc…) since they’ve obviously been in a coma for well over a decade if they don’t know what Chicken Cutlets does for a living! Well, here’s PP doing what she does: striking poses that make amateurs like Gisele Whatsherface seethe with jealousy in a shoot for a very exclusive French fashion house. (Actually it’s for something I’ve never heard of called the Sassy Bikini campaign.)

So to answer their question: PP is an international supermodel and obviously a saint, because she was gracious enough to let the paparazzi document her taking a piss and getting her b-hole bleached (see: pic #3).

Pics: Splash

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Oh, You Know, It’s Just Miley Cyrus After An Alien Bukkake Party

/ June 9, 2015

Yesterday, Paper spit up the cover image of a sucio creature and a pig looking like something out of Charlotte’s Web: Wilbur’s Dark Years, and if you needed a hypnotist to rid your brain of that image, you better make another appointment with them. Because Paper squirted up more pictures from their Miley Cyrus cover shoot including this one of Alvin, Simon and Theodore’s backwoods third cousin looking like she’s anxiously waiting for Jabba the Hutt and his homies to finish up already. That is some serious Star Wars porn parody ART for your eyes.

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Brian Williams Probably Won’t Be Returning To NBC Nightly News

/ June 9, 2015

If what Page Six is saying turns out to be true, then NBC building security should expect to see this face asking them “Hey, can I just pop in real quick to collect my stuff?” sometime in the near future.

According to Page Six, “sources” claim there’s a very good chance Brian Williams is not coming back after his six-month suspension is up in August. Apparently important types at NBC will be deciding sometime this week whether they’ll allow him to return to the NBC Nightly News desk once he has finished his time-out for lying about his time in Iraq, and it doesn’t look good for BriWi.

“The talks are complicated and are ongoing, and there has not yet been a deal. But it is likely he won’t be back in the ‘Nightly’ anchor chair. A decision could be made as early as this week, if all sides can reach an agreement.”

Page Six is also saying that once Brian Williams is officially given walking papers, his suspension substitute Lester Holt will take over and be the new permanent host of the NBC Nightly News. But don’t cry for BriWi just yet; those same sources say that NBC wants to keep him around, just not at the Nightly News desk. So basically he’s fired, but not fired-fired, because they don’t want a messy lawsuit.

If NBC really wants to keep Brian Williams around, they should stick him in the fourth hour of the TODAY show with Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb. It’s pretty much a perfect solution for both parties. Perfect for NBC, because there’s no harsher punishment than having Kathie Lee screech into your ear for an entire hour. And perfect for Brian Williams, because once his mouth starts telling lies again, he can just blame it on the wine.

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The First Trailer For The Final “Hunger Games” Movie Is Here

/ June 9, 2015

I know I could have grabbed literally any screen shot from the first trailer for The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2but I decided to go with this one for two reasons:

1. Elizabeth Banks, as always, looks like she’s wearing something the costume department found in a box of my old skating carnival costumes. The only thing missing is a pair of thick orange Mondor over-the-boot tights and some lazy choreography to Glass Tiger’s “Rescued (By The Arms Of Love).

2. It sort of looks like Katniss is wearing black UGG boots. I feel like at any minute, Britney Spears is going to pop out from behind one of those curtains with a sharpened Slim Jim and be like “Surprise, y’all! Gimme them boots. I’m going to the Capitol tonight and I wanna look classy.

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2 doesn’t come out till the end of November, which means this will probably be the first of at least 2,394 trailers that will be released. And for something that will surely be the first of many, they sure do cover a lot of ground. It’s a real garage sale mish-mash full of Hunger Games imagery: there’s a wedding, a rally, Katniss looking sad, Katniss looking confused, guns, a fancy-ass dinner party hosted by Jack Bauer’s dad, Katniss looking worried, Woody from Cheers in a really bad wig, a mudslide that looks like Hexxus from Fern Gully (speaking of Tim Curry). It’s probably best not to play any kind of drinking game while watching this trailer, because there’s so much random shit in it, you will be drunk off your ass by the time it’s done.

Sadly, it appears the only person not in this trailer for THG:MP2 is real-life dystopian future times teen Jaden Smith. Four movies, and they couldn’t once offer him a walk-on or a non-speaking role? He would have been so perfect for it!

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