Pour out a jar of lace front bonding glue and begin mourning the loss of NeNe Leakes giving us fucked-up looks like the one above, because the last remaining original member of The Real Housewives of Atlanta is leaving the show that made her a legend (in her own wig-covered mind). After 7 seasons, NeNe has packed up her trunk of wigs (including my favorite, the Dutch Boy scarecrow on meth wig above) and said BLOOP! to those messes.

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After failing to win back Charlize Theron with a drunken late-night booty call (emoji of hot dog, emoji of screaming angry face, emoji of broken dish, emoji of winky face), it looks like Sean Penn has decided to run his crusty overcooked pot roast lothario game on someone new. TMZ says the lucky lady is Minka Kelly, aka Derek Jeter’s former long-term girlfriend, aaka that two-timing Riggins-riding tramp Lyla Garrity from Friday Night Lights. All together now: “RUN GIRL, RUUUUUN!!”

Minka semi-confirmed her future mistake by showing up at The French Laundry in CA’s Napa Valley with Sean Penn last Tuesday night. TMZ says 54-year-old Sean treated 35-year-old Minka to a birthday dinner along with three other people, who no doubt kept giving her “Him? Really?” eyes all night long. According to Sean Penn, who was talking loud enough that other tables could hear, he met Minka at a charity event for Haiti.

So far, neither has said anything about whether or not they’re grinding greasies, but Minka did Instagram this picture of her French Laundry birthday dinner and captioned it: “Birthday festivities off to a pretty magical start #thankyou #napa.”

What in the hell am I looking at? From what I can gather, I’m looking at a tiny-ass cup with a candle in it, a decorative tampon, and a spoon holding a gold glob of something. Is that what passes for a first date birthday cake these days?  I hope Minka took one look at that yard sale plate of whatever, hissed “Call me when you get your hands on a Carvel” at that cheap bastard, and got up and left.

Pics: Wenn.com, Instagram

This isn’t what I had in mind when I asked you to toss my salad. – johnny boy

Upvote winner:

Everyone laughed when Jethro said he wanted to get circumcised. – Vernicious

Pic: The Morning Call (Thanks Mary)

The hot cop who made everyone say “Carol Channing Tatum O’Neal, WHO?” at NYC Pride on Sunday!

At Pride events in NYC over the weekend, several cops got caught serving the people some nipple boner-inducing, sweet glazed hot dance moves, but this Officer McPantyCreamer took the cake and freak danced on it. During the parade, the hot cop and his lucky dancer partner, who is a member of the New York LGBT softball league, brought the dirty and got down to Michael Jackson’s “Don’t Stop Til’ You Get Enough.” They obviously didn’t listen to the lyrics of the song, because they stopped before I got enough. I wanted them to go full Dirty Dancing by recreating the lift.

Prepare to pucker as you watch a few seconds of this hot cop bust out some moves that are a cross between “nervous dude stripper on his first day on the job” and “Donkey Kong on Ecstasy.” If they ever make a Magic Mike 3, this cop needs to be its star:

And this is totally my idea of “stop and frisk.”

via Reddit

Big Ang (55)
Allegra Versace (29)
Michael Phelps (30)
Fantasia (31)
Cheryl Cole (32)
Gugu Mbatha-Raw (32)
Patrick Wolf (32)
Willam Belli (33)
Lizzy Caplan (33)
Rick Gonzalez (36)
Karen Gravano (36)
Monica Potter (44)
Phil Anselmo (47)
Peter Outerbridge (49)
Mike Tyson (49)
Vincent D’Onofrio (56)
David Alan Grier (59)
David Garrison (63)
Leonard Whiting (65)
Nancy Dussault (79)

Pic: Splash/INF

Christmas in June: E.L. James, the Hedy Carlson to Stephanie March’s Allison Jones, did a Q&A on Twatter and it went horribly, horribly right! – Lainey Gossip

Since we’re on the subject of Real Housewives lawsuits, Demi Moore needs to sue Kyle Richards for blatantly stealing her look for years – Reality Tea

In “Just because you can doesn’t mean you should!” news, Sam Taylor-Johnson dyed her hair pink. I wonder if the carpet matches the drapes? I’ll gladly take one for the team by checking and by “checking” I mean check Aaron Taylor-Johnson’s dick for pink hair dye stains – Celebitchy

One of the old Bachelors interviewed a crying Avril Lavigne about her Lyme disease on Good Morning America – Drunken Stepfather

Caitlyn Jenner and her E! camera crew were the belles of NYC pride – Towleroad

I wish that when Igloo Australia said that she was taking a Twitter break, she meant it, because now my brain is tainted with the image of her tongue up Brit Brit Spears’ Cheetos dust-covered asshole – Jezebel

The time I mistook Jonah Hill for a bearded Chris Christie – The Superficial  

Here’s Ariana Grande Latte looking like a go-go dancer at an underage S&M club – IDLYITW

Who cares if Conchita Wurst’s nipples ripped off when someone pulled that tape off! Bitch brought the glamour and that’s all that matters – OMG Blog

Chrissy Teigen freed the nipple in W Magazine – HuffPo

John Corbett’s hair has entered Yanni circa 2006 territory, but I still would – ICYDK

John Travolta sure knows how to spend a hot afternoon – The Berry 

Jensen Ackles has a beard now – Popsugar

Shia LaPlagiarist struck again! And I need to get struck with a heavy object for actually getting hard in the nipple area for a topless Shia looking like he just spent the night in a Port-A-Potty at the Gathering of the Juggalos – Consequence of Sound 

Tommy Girl will be in the Versatile Bottom Gun Top Gun sequel – Pajiba

Katy Perry is the highest paid female celebrity in the world, according to Forbes. In a girls bathroom in Hollywood somewhere, Taylor Swift is scratching the words “Katy Perry Sucks Dick 4 Forbes Spots” on the wall of a stall – Just Jared

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