Birthday Sluts

/ July 20, 2015

Kim Carnes (70)
Scout Willis (24)
Brooke Candy (26)
Julianne Hough (27)
Gisele Bundchen (35)
Elliot Yamin (37)
Erica Hill (39)
Judy Greer (40)
Simon Rex (41)
Omar Epps (42)
Vitamin C (43)
Sandra Oh (44)
Josh Holloway (46)
Chris Cornell (51)
Terri Irwin (51)
Donna Dixon (58)
Dwayne Wayans (59)
Carlos Santana (68)
Diana Rigg (77)
Sleepy LaBeef (80)
Sally Ann Howes (85)

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Open Post: Hosted By A Baby Chameleon Popping Bubbles

/ July 19, 2015

Since I posted about a pool drowning, Cosby’s gross ass and the Duggars today, I figured we could all use a level 10 palate cleanser that will power wash the layer of UGH from our eyeballs and this may be it. In this world exists a 4-month-old chameleon named Laura who is shit at popping bubbles, but looks adorable while trying to do it as she surfs on her human’s hand. Laura the Baby Chameleon’s human Nick DeBakey says that this video wasn’t even planned, but that magic was made when she got hypnotized by all the bubbles.

“This was the first time I noticed Laura’s interest in bubbles. I didn’t even plan this video, I just had her out and she was crawling over me and then my mom started blowing bubbles because my dog likes to pop them as well. Then, I noticed Laura was watching them with both eyes (which means chameleons are extremely interested because they have the capability to move their eyes in different directions), so I just moved her closer and almost instinctively she tried popping them.”

And here’s the video:

I’m not sure if Laura looks more like a grandpa on acid trying to catch the lights in the air at a fireworks show or if she looks more like Larry King conducting a symphony. But I do know that on the list of things I didn’t know I needed in my life, “a video of a baby chameleon popping bubbles” is at the top.

via Tastefully Offensive

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4 Kids And Counting: Josh Duggar Is Somebody’s Father Again

/ July 19, 2015

The Duggars don’t have a reality shit show anymore, but those creepy wrecks have a reason to celebrate. They have added another baby girl to their army who will grow up to live a fulfilling life and by that I mean she’ll grow up to take care of the next batch of babies her fetus machine mom will pop out.

People says that admitted child toucher and owner of one of the most punchable faces in America, Josh Duggar, and his wife Anna Duggar are parents for the fourth time. 27-year-old Josh and 27-year-old have a 5-year-old daughter named Mackynzie, a 4-year-old son named Michael and a 2-year-old son named Marcus. I guess that Josh and Anna ignored the restraining order I threw at them on behalf of the letter M, because they are continuing to terrorize the letter M the same way Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar terrorized the letter J. They have named their newest daughter Meredith Grace Duggar. They should’ve named the poor child MyGodWhy Duggar since that’s probably what she thought after finding out that she’s related to those messes.

Josh also tweeted this picture of poor Meredith:

That’s a “Why the hell me?” side-eye that only a baby girl whose father is Josh Duggar could throw.

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The New York Times Published More Excerpts From Bill Cosby’s Vomit-Inducing Deposition

/ July 19, 2015

If your Sunday hangover has given you the dry heaves and you need something to inspire you to barf everything in your stomach out, here’s the perfect thing!

Around two weeks, The Associated Press was able to get a judge to unseal the 2005 deposition that speckled lump of grossness Bill Cosby gave when he was sued by Andrea Constand who claimed that he drugged and assaulted her in 2004 at his home in Pennsylvania. In the AP’s piece, they said that Bill Cosby admitted to buying quaaludes to give to women for “sex.” Well, The New York Times threw up more pieces from the 1,000-page deposition and it’s a great thing to read if you’ve been looking for an excuse to dunk your head in a giant pot full of boiling ammonia.

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A Man Was Found Dead In Demi Moore’s Pool This Morning

/ July 19, 2015

TMZ says that early this morning, cops were called to Demi Moore’s house in Beverly Hills after the body of a 21-year-old man was found in her pool. Demi wasn’t home at the time and is out of town.

Tallulah Willis (not Rumer and not the other one who is a nipple baring crusader on Instagram) has Instagrammed pictures of pool parties during the past couple of weeks and Demi’s neighbors say that the Willis daughters have been partying there hard almost every night, but they weren’t there last night. They were in NYC. TMZ is hearing that Demi’s assistant threw the pool party and invited the 21-year-old man. The police don’t think anything shady or murder-ey went down. They believe it was a sad, tragic accident. Law enforcement sources tell TMZ that Demi’s assistant and their friends left the house last night, leaving the 21-year-old man behind. When they got back early this morning, they found his body at the bottom of the pool. It looks like he slipped, fell into the pool and drowned. He apparently couldn’t swim.

When I first saw this story this morning, I got shades of Michael Barrymore and also figured that this may have been a “dangers of boozing and night swimming” accident. But TMZ says that the pool party wasn’t exactly a sweet nectar fiesta and there was “limited alcohol” there.

The man’s name hasn’t been released yet. Demi  also hasn’t released a statement yet and probably because she’s busy getting ready for her close-up. The investigation is ongoing.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

/ July 19, 2015

Lucy (as played by Aida Linares) from Clueless!

The cinematic masterpiece of the 90s that was blatantly robbed of Oscars, Clueless, turned 20 years old this weekend and yes, typing that put a liver spot on my wrinkled ass ring and made a white hair sprout out of my nipple plate. I’m sure you already celebrated by making out with your stepbrother in the parking lot of Circus Liquor in North Hollywood while wearing an Alaïa before taking a love ride in your BMW convertible on the FREEEEWAY!!!, but now let’s celebrate by paying homage to one of my favorite characters in that shit.

Lucy the maid wasn’t in many scenes, but she was in one of the most important and educational scenes in the movie. In the scene, Lucy multi-tasks by doing her job and she schools that uneducated rich bitch Cher on Latin America studies at the same time and she does it while working a head full of gorgeous 1950s ginger housewife helmet hair. School that pendeja, Lucy!

My mom’s side is from El Salvador, so Lucy was memorable to my ass. And I quote “I am not a Mexi-can!” all the time, especially when a friend points out the last line on Dlisted’s Wikipedia page.

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