I Guess This Means Avril Lavigne Is No Longer On Taylor Swift’s Shit List
Last week, the over-pulled piece of saltwater taffy that is Taylor Swift sort of got into a Tumblr fight with Hot Topic’s unofficial mascot Avril Lavigne. Taylor liked a Tumblr post comparing pictures of her hugging on her fans and making her signature “OMGI’mhavingsomuchfun!!!” open-mouthed face with several other famous types (including Avril) looking like they’d rather be getting dry burlap enema than doing a meet-and-greet with their fans. Then Avril hissed about it on Twitter. Then the Robert to Taylor’s Stacey McGill, Calvin Harris, jumped in and hissed at the Daily Mail for posting a photoshopped tweet that made it look like he had gotten involved. Basically = high school drama.
Well, it appears Taylor and Avril have kissed and made up (or at least their PR people told them to for the sake of publicity), because Avril was Tay Tay’s latest “Please welcome to the stage…” surprise guest at her show in San Diego last night. Avril and Tay Tay sang “Complicated” together, because of course they did. Taylor also does a little head banging around the 1:56 mark, because “Complicated” is clearly the most hardcore punk rock song she’s ever heard.
And today’s source of life is at the 2:00 mark, when Tay Tay reaches out to hold Avril’s hand and gets NOTHING. Excuse me while I HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH myself into a lung concussion. You know Taylor cornered her backstage and was like “I’m sorry, did you forget that part of your job as one of Taylor’s Super Special Stage Friends is that you’re supposed to kiss my ass? RUDE.”
You know, this is one of the times I’m glad time travel hasn’t been invented. Imagine if you went back in time to 2002 and showed tie-wearing badass mall punk teen Avril Lavigne that one say she’d be doing a duet with the snobby ballerina from “Sk8er Boi.” It would be like the ending of A Christmas Carol. “No…no, this can’t be real. Please, turn it off, it’s too embarrassing.”
Hot Slut Of The Day!
The iconique purple shell pasty that Lil’ Kim wore to the 1999 MTV VMAs!
Miley Cyrus pretty much declared herself the creator of the twerk and now she’s running around with sequins stickers covering her nipple knobs and some hos are acting like she invented pasties too. So let’s pay tribute to a truly important part of nipple pasty history. Back in the olden days of 1999 when Lil’ Kim was only on her second face (or was it her third?) and she didn’t completely look like a rejected Pokemon villain, she brought true glamour and elegance to the MTV VMAs when she showed up looking like the Birth of Venus if the Birth of Venus happened in the toilet of a bathroom in a Lisa Frank-themed strip club on Coney Island. (Miley paid homage to that stunning look on Slutoween a couple of years ago.)
That year, Lil’ Kim’s acid trip mermaid-looking ass presented the award for Best Hip-Hop Video with Mary J. Blige. They brought out the legendary Diana Ross to present with them and Miss Ross greeted the raver Wuzzle by molesting her left tit. Mary J. Blige was not amused. This is the moment when some of us wondered if all the Ecstasy and acid we took really jacked up our brains and caused us to hallucinate the image of Diana Ross dribbling Lil’ Kim’s chichi.
Those really were the days when Mary J Blige hadn’t whored herself out to Burger King yet, the VMAs still gave us real star power and Lil’ Kim was a vision of authentic sophistication. Now this is how to work a pasty.
Pics: Wenn.com, Getty
Birthday Sluts
Gabriel Aubry (40)
Trevor Jackson (19)
Andy Roddick (33)
Lisa Ling (42)
Cameron Diaz (43)
Frederique Van Der Wal (48)
Michael Michele (49)
Michael Chiklis (52)
Paul Oakenfold (52)
David Paymer (61)
Timothy Bottoms (64)
Lewis Black (67)
Peggy Lipton (69)
Elizabeth Ashley (76)
Warren Buffet (85)
Pic: Elisa Rolle
Open Post: Hosted By Tyson Beckford Serving Up Some Sexy Stripper Realness
When it comes to Chippendales dancers, my heart (and crotch) belongs to the red-hot pants-dampening pure sexuality that is SNL’s Adrien and Barney. With that being said, I’ve got to give credit where credit is due and admit that Tyson Beckford is working a pretty tight Chippendales game. Tyson was at the Rio hotel in Las Vegas last night to perform with the illustrious male dancers of Chippendales because…I’m not sure why, exactly. But he’s performing from now till September 27th, so if you’ve ever wanted to see the hotness that is Tyson Beckford bust out some Chocolate City moves in 1/6 of a chauffeur’s costume, now is your chance.
I’ve never seen the Las Vegas Chippendales show, because why do that when you can see desperate dudes take off their clothes in a Boulder City parking lot for less than half the price, so I have no idea what their act is like. But really, the only things I want to know about Tyson’s Chippendales set is if he goes by a stage name (Blayze? Riptyde? The Silencer? I need to know!) and whether or not he bounces those gorgeous man titties. What am I saying? Of course he does. It wouldn’t be an all-hunk review without some bouncing pecs.
Pics: Wenn.com
Tila Tequila Really Wants Back Into The Celebrity Big Brother House
Even though the people in charge of Celebrity Big Brother have made it clear they want nothing to do with her or her one-time Nazi-sympathizing ass, Tila Tequila is trying anyway. The former MySpace celebrity and current self-employed phone sex operator wants you to know that she’s very sorry for that time in her life when she was doodling Hitler’s name all over her Trapper Keeper, and that she hopes Channel 5 would be willing to give her a second chance in the CBB house. “Yeah, people aren’t usually so quick to forget that kind of stuff” said the ghost of Jesse James’ career.
People says that shortly after CBB kicked Tila Tequila to the curb, she had her rep draft up an “I’m so sorry, and here’s why” statement and released it to the world. According to Tila’s statement, her crush on Hitler was the result of depression and a drug addiction, and that she’s not about that life anymore because she wants to be a good role model for her daughter. She also throws in a part about slithering back into the CBB house, because Tila Tequila knows not of the word shameless.
Robin Wright And Ben Foster Called Off Their Engagement For A Second Time
I see the Summer of the Split has decided to move on from married people to almost-married people. Watch out, casually fucking, you’re next.
UsWeekly says that Robin Wright and her younger ginger piece Ben Foster have decided to call it quits on the whole “being engaged” thing. Again. A source tells UsWeekly that their love hit the rim of the trash can about a month ago after 7 months of being engaged. Robin and Ben reportedly stopped returning their wedding planner’s phone calls the first time because she couldn’t deal with their work schedules and the 14-year age gap between them. And this time…well, it’s pretty much the same shit. A source claims that Robin and Ben “were still having the same issues” after they joined the two-timer engaged club back in January, which means Ben is still 14 years younger than Robin and they’re both busy. Goddamnit Ben, would it have killed you to quit your job and focus on learning how to rapidly age 14 years? It’s like you don’t even care about this second engagement!
It’s really too bad that Robin and Ben have quit each other again. Robin has said in the past that Ben’s dick does her insides better than any other, so today you should be pouring one out for Robin’s down-lows and praying that she soon finds comfort in another. Good dick at frequent intervals is a terrible thing to lose.
Pic: Splash