T.I. Cutting All Business Ties With Iggy Azalea Is News To Her
T.I. made it perfectly clear during a radio interview this morning that he and his one-time protégée Iggy Azalea are over in the professional sense. T.I. should’ve maybe dropped a trick a “see ya” text or maybe sent her a quick “bye bitch” DM. Because apparently, Iggy found out that her business relationship with T.I. is over when everybody else did. In the words of Iggy, “Well-a-well-a-well adfkljadslkfjdsaf-well-a-well-a-adsafdfdsffd-elp.” That’s Iggy freestyle for “welp.”
Open Post: Hosted By Alec Baldwin And His Newborn Baby Sitting Front Row At A Fashion Show
Note to fashion people in New York: You better make sure that you came out of a famous person’s vagina, or the vagina of a famous person’s wife, because that’s what it takes to get a front row seat at a fashion show these days. Anna Wintour is just thrilled.
Alec and Hilarious Baldwin’s son Rafael Baldwin was born just 3 months ago, but he already has his own tag on Getty, because he was front row at the Carmen Marc Valco show on Tuesday. Judging by that picture, Rafael is either already a true fashion critic and is pushing out his review of the show into his diaper or he’s thinking to himself, “The hell is this? This doesn’t look like my crib at all.” Because he doesn’t look amused at all. Sorry Rafael, but photo-ops don’t happen on their own. Such is the life of the baby of two thirst buckets. But Rafael still wasn’t the biggest baby at New York Fashion Week. That title will forever belong to Kanye West. Speaking of….
It’s a good thing Kim Kartrashian isn’t due to birth out her next accessory for a few months. Because if she was due now, she would’ve definitely topped Alec and Hilarious by birthing out her baby on the catwalk.
Pics: Getty, Splash
The Rock Is Going To Be A Daddy Again
Do you smell what The Rock is cooking? If you smell a mixture of boiling goat milk and Muscle Milk, then you do smell what The Rock is cooking, because that’s probably what his fertile jizz smells like.
Lauren Hashian, The Rock’s girlfriend of around 9 years, is baking a bundle of muscles in her womb after one of his sperm fish body slammed into one of her ovary eggs. Some source tells UsWeekly that The Rock and Lauren are “really excited” about becoming parents to their “little pebble.” (Side note: Santo dios, they’re totally naming their kid The Pebble.) Lauren doesn’t have to worry about spending hours in labor, because whenever The Rock’s child is ready to come out, it’ll crash through her stomach skin the same way The Rock crashes through a brick wall in his house when he forgets his key.
The Rock and Lauren (who is giving me Heather from Real Housewives of New York City with a drop of Giada De Laurentiis) are already parents to a bunch of Frenchies, but this is the first human child they will raise together. The Rock also has a 14-year-old daughter with his ex-wife Dany Garcia.
When The Pebble is born, The Rock doesn’t have to worry about Instagramming pictures of his new child, because we already know what that kid is going to look like:
I know, that was offensive. Like The Rock’s kid is just going to have a six-pack. Please. That child will be nothing but a 10-pack with eyes and a mouth.
Bitch Got Pranked: The Elton John Edition
When Elton John recently said, “Yeah, I TOTALLY talked to Putin about gay rights in Russia,” Putie Tang responded with, “кто.” (Rosetta Stone’s drunk, dyslexic second cousin Google Translate tell me that’s “who?” in Russian.)
Three days ago, Elton posted an Instagram post where he thanked President Vladimir Putin for calling him on the phone to talk about the awfulness that’s happening to the LGBT community in Russia. The Kremlin sharted up a thousand question marks over Elton’s Instagram post and they denied that Elton talked to the President of Russia. I figured that Crank Yankers was about to launch in Russia and Elton was their first victim. I was right, sort of.
Royal Harlot Alert: Duchess Kate Flashes A Thigh In Public. GASP!
On a rug in a room in Buckingham Palace somewhere, THE QUEEN is laid out after she clutched her pearls and fell over from her genteel senses getting rocked by the scandalous sight of Duchess Kate’s bare thigh in public. The royal family’s pristine image was just recovering from the royal ESCANDALO that was Duchess Kate’s nalgas being caught on camera and then this happens! Once THE QUEEN is awakened by her Corgis licking her face off, she’s going to order Duchess Kate’s ladies-in-waiting to replace all knickers with the thigh-covering bloomers.
Just four months after Duchess Kate birthed out Prince Hot Ginge’s future boozing partner (because neither of them have to worry about dumb crap like being the future queen or king of England), she was back to work as a professional hand shaker, smiler and waver. DK showed up at the Anna Freud Centre in north London today and she wore a dress and a pair of Kristin Calawhatever’s Secret Bangs. Duchess Kate could wear a potato sack race bag and every Lowe’s, Sam’s Club and Party City would instantly sell out of them. But UsWeekly says that the $1,595 Ralph Lauren dress she wore today still hasn’t sold out yet.
The “Austin” shirtdress by Ralph Lauren Black Label is shockingly still available in a variety of sizes on Ralphlauren.com as of press time. The black-and-white belted style will set you back a cool $1,595, however.
Shockingly! DK’s powers of selling out the most basic of dresses just by wearing it must be weakening! No, I’m sure it’ll sell out soon. It’s just taking her loyal fan club of basics a little while to sell their child’s kidney on the black market so they have enough money to buy a Ralph Lauren dress that looks like something you can find for 1/30th of the price at any Dress Barn.
Brad Pitt Dropped Almost $400k On A Nazi Motorbike From World War II
Oh, the rich…. While us regulars have to save up to buy a real rare collector’s item, like a still-in-the-packaging Catra action figure, the rich just have to shake out the loose gold coins in their ass cheeks to buy a rare motorbike thing from Nazi times.
The Mirror (via the NYDN) says that Brad Pitt spent his bi-monthly weed budget ($385,000) on a hard-to-find German bike from 1942. Apparently, after filming Fury, Brad Pitt got into collecting expensive war shit. The guy who sold Brad the latest piece in his collection of war stuff tells the Mirror that the bike is extremely rare and it was used by the Nazis in reconnaissance missions in Greece. Brad is SAVING THE GREEK ECONOMY because he bought it in Greece. The bike seller went on to say this about the vehicle that’s perfect when carpooling with Jesse James:
“There are only around 500 of these bikes worldwide so they are collectors pieces like paintings and go up in value all the time. It’s a way for wealthy people to invest their money and also enjoy their hobby. Even the parts are expensive if they are original. I had to replace a small piece of metal on this bike and it cost me £1500.”
Just because Brad bought a Nazi bike, doesn’t mean St. Angie Jolie has taken pictures of him sitting in the bike doing the Nazi salute while dressed up as Hitler before going to play World War II times with Maddox and Pax in the backyard. First of all, Brad probably doesn’t dress up as Hitler to play war times and second of all, Maddox and Pax are probably too old to want to play war times with their dad. Brad has to play by himself.
And since Brad is into collecting rare artifacts from wars, I may have something of interest to him. In a cardboard box, somewhere in my mom’s garage, is an extremely, extremely rare and million-of-a-kind yellow and green plastic gun that was used in the Battle of the Grade School Playground in 1989. I’ll give it to Brad for HALF of his bi-monthly weed budget. That is a steal.