Cool Nip – A new nondairy whipped cream brought to you by Cool Whip – texas rose

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I can’t help it. Everywhere I look, I see Ben”. ~ The Nanny – Karen Carpenter

Pic: Break

Vipra from BraveStarr!

Seeing Benedict Cumberbatch looking more alien and more lizard-like than ever in Zoolander 2 reminded me of the serpentine glamour and amphibian beauty of Vipra from BraveStarr! BraveStarr came from the long acid trip we all know and love as the 80s. It lasted one season.

BraveStarr was a space western that took place on a planet called New Texas where the hero of the show, a Native American cowboy, used the spirit of animals to give him powers that helped him take down villains and help the people. (File this under: Reason #569,854 for why it’s obvious the air during the 80s was filled with PCP.) One of the villains was Vipra who was sort of like Catra from She-Ra. But instead of being an extremely hot cat woman who purr-talked, Vipra was an extremely hot snake woman who hiss-talked.

You’re probably assuming that Vipra’s power was the ability to stun bitches with her sexiness, huge chichis and charisma, and you’re soooort of right. Vipra could hypnotize tricks and put them in a state I like to call “me on a Friday night.” Once Vipra hypnotized them, they were stoned as shit and couldn’t move their body. Here’s Vipra showing BraveStarr, that homely ginger and a standing horse (who needs to give Tina Turner her Mad Max wig back) not to mess with her.

BraveStarr probably only lasted one season, because the creators made the major mistake of not naming the show VipraStarr and making it all about. Because what the audience (read: me and only me, probably) really, really wanted was more Vipra!

Jodie Foster (53)
Tyga (26)
Laura Osnes (30)
Adam Driver (32)
Daria Werbowy (32)
Lil’ Mo (37)
Kerri Strug (38)
Jack Dorsey (39)
Billy Currington (42)
Savion Glover (42)
Sandrine Holt (43)
Erika Alexander (46)
Rocco DiSpirito (49)
Jason Scott Lee (49)
Terry Farrell (52)
Meg Ryan (54)
Matt Sorum (55)
Allison Janney (56)
Charlie Kaufman (57)
Ann Curry (59)
Kathleen Quinlan (61)
Ahmad Rashad (66)
Calvin Klein (73)
Dan Haggerty (74)
Ted Turner (77)
Dick Cavett (79)
Larry King (82)
Alan Young (96)

Pic: Getty

The full trailer to the sequel of Snow White and the Huntsman (SANS Kristen Stewart as Slow White) called The Huntsman: Winter’s War is out and when youngins’ see Emily Blunt as the Snow Queen, they’re going to be really, really confused as to why her ass is not singing that “Let It Go” song – Lainey Gossip 

The fetus in Chrissy Teigen’s body is growing – Popoholic

Zayn Malik would like everyone to know that none of the dudes in One Direction are in a relationship with each other. Sure, they butt bone each other any chance they get, but they are not in a relationship with each other. Got it? Good! – Towleroad

Justin Bieber is either a shit head who thinks you can catch HIV by breathing in the same air or he doesn’t want Charlie Sheen to ask him for a loan – The Superficial

David Beckham is People’s Sexiest Man Alive AND Avril Lavigne and Ryan Cabrera are living together as roommates. Okay, if it’s going to be the year 2004 again, can I please go back to my 2004 weight too? – OMG Blog 

Um, if Snooki and her husband got a show flipping Ewok huts, shouldn’t it be on SyFy instead something called the FYI Network? – Reality Tea 

Gwen Stefani wishes her marriage didn’t end. Translation: Gwen Stefani wishes her slut whore husband didn’t fuck the nanny – HuffPo

Vintage elegance and pristine glamour brought to you by the Daytona Beach Florida Erotica book – Drunken Stepfather

RIP Details Magazine. It’s a sad day, because when a gay angel loses his wings – Jezebel

Khlozilla got a staph infection – Just Jared

Charlie Sheen basically kept the hooker industry in L.A. alive for years – IDLYITW

I guess dolphin hybrids and humans can mate because Michael Phelps is going to be somebody’s daddy – Popsugar

Adele is a honey card carrying-member of the Beyhive – Celebitchy

Rita Ora giving you 90s truck stop hooker glamour – Hollywood Tuna 

Pierce Brosnan is just like you! He thought Spectre was way too damn long – Pajiba

Internet issues have been stabbing at my last nerve today, so I really needed this G-rated donkey show – The Berry 

Oh look, Mimi and I have the same work ethic! – SOW

Right after the curtain was lifted on the adventures of Josh Duggar’s rogue peen, a porn star named Danica Dillon (government name: Ashley Stamm-Northup) admitted to InTouch Weekly that he paid her $1,500 to do him and the sex was far, far from Christian missionary position stuff. Danica says it was rough and no, it wasn’t rough because she had to dig deep to keep from barfing while humping on Josh Duggar. Danica says that Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar’s oldest got violent with her. Danica is now suing Josh for $500,000, because she says he got so rough that he traumatized her in more ways than one.

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One Vine user saw Starbucks’ red Satan cups and raised them an army of Lucifer-worshipping adorable snowmen.

Because he was probably sick of hearing “Happy Holidays” and “Merry Christmas” this damn early, a Vine user lined up a bunch of snowmen toys that repeat whatever you say and got them to hail Satan in unison. Well, they weren’t totally in unison. The one in the middle is obviously not dark-sided enough, because it had to think about it for a minute before it spit out those words. They sound just like the Kardashian Kristmas Koir!

Apparently, these annoying-but-kind-of-cute toys have been around for a while. If you make them face each other, you can get them to repeat one another on a loop for the rest of eternity. You know, if these plushie torture devices don’t sell out, the makers should tweak their look a little and release them as The Ladies of The View dolls.

via SF Gate