Vanessa Hudgens (27)
Tori Kelly (23)
Mike Fuentes (31)
Jackson Rathbone (31)
Sophie Monk (36)
Tammy Blanchard (39)
KaDee Strickland (40)
Natascha McElhone (44)
Tia Texada (44)
Michaela Watkins (44)
Beth Orton (45)
Ted Raimi (50)
Alice Ripley (52)
Cynthia Gibb (52)
Ginger Lynn (53)
Celia Weston (64)
Cliff Williams (66)
Dee Wallace (67)
Jane Birkin (69)
Patty Duke (69)
Abbe Lane (83)

Pic: Splash

Back in July, Demi Lovato hit the deck hard during a performance of “Cool For The Summer” at a pool party. Then on Friday night, she decided to bust out her signature ass-on-the-floor dance moves at iHeart Radio’s Jingle Ball in New York during, YOU GUESSED IT, a performance of “Cool For The Summer.” How many times does something have to happen before you can safely assume that it’s cursed? Is it two? I’m going with two.

It all happens around the 23:14 mark, but sadly (because who doesn’t love watching a good fall) you don’t see it. The camera cuts away as she eats shit on stage. But you can hear it, and you can see Demi lying on her back and flailing her limbs like a distressed turtle while a roadie runs out and comes to the rescue of the mic stand she knocked over.

Demi later acknowledged her issues with remaining in an upright position by Tweeting: “Guys don’t you get it by now? Only cool kids fall on stage.” Okay, but for real, Demi, you need to stop performing “Cool For The Summer“; you’re one on-stage fall fracture away from becoming this generations “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” lady.

Here’s Demi before the show walking the red carpet. I don’t know if she made it all the way to the end without wiping out, but I’m going to assume the answer is no.

Pics: Wenn.com

In case you couldn’t tell from the Every Kiss Begins With Kay signature engagement pose and the giant ring on her hitchin’ finger, Eva Longoria and her current man are getting married. Wow, it feels like just yesterday that George Clooney was trying to work his way into her Preference box, and now here we are. Time really flies.

Eva confirmed that she was going to make Jose “Pepe” Antonio Baston her third husband by throwing up a picture of them smooching and showing off her engagement ring in Dubai to Instagram with the caption: “Ummmm so this happened…#Engaged #Dubai #Happiness.” Ummm, let’s stop acting like it was a totally spontaneous thing that happened; I can practically see the “Are we almost done here?” eye-rolls from the lighting crew from here.

Eva and Jose have been together for a little over two years. She was previously married to Tony Parker (speaking of things that remind me of the Kitson years) and the dude who played Nikolas Cassadine on General Hospital. Jose is the president of Televisa, and I can’t be sure of his checking account situation because I don’t know Jose like that. But anytime I see the word “president“, I automatically picture someone in a caviar-filled hot tub, scooping up chip dip with a crisp $1000 bill. So, get it, Eva! Get that president of Televisa cash!

I don’t really have that many questions about Eva Longoria’s engagement moment (sorry, Eva), but I am curious about this: what the Hell is with that makeshift living room in the middle of the desert? Oh my god, imagine how awkward it would have been if Jose got down on one knee and Eva said no? “Okay, well, can you at least grab a couple couch cushions on your way out? Like, I sort of have to clean this up before the sun sets, and I’ve only got two hands.”

Pic: Instagram

But unlike the time two other famous actress types wanted to wear the same dress to an awards ceremony that ended with one of them cursing the other out as they slipped their nipples into a boxy pink mess at the last minute, they’re actually planning to do it on purpose.

While pimping out Joy (aka Wigs), America’s coolest older cousin Jennifer Lawrence told E! News that she wants to roll up to the Golden Globes red carpet in the same outfit as America’s coolest older second cousin and her current best friend, Amy Schumer. Both JLaw and ASchu are nominated for Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Comedy, and apparently they want to pull a Single White Female on each other that night.

“We’re going to try to figure out to wear the exact same thing. That’s my mission. I really want us to wear the same thing. She’s going to have to wear Dior. I’m just going to have to have Dior make two of whatever they’re making for me.”

Obviously, they’re both going to end up wearing some tight jewel-toned satin thing or something that looks like a fancy pastel 80s throw pillow (aka like 98% of awards show dresses). But I would love it if Dior was like “Fuck it, let’s do this” and created some insane conjoined couture for Amy and JLaw. I want to see them sashay down the red carpet joined at the crotch, like Katya and Mrs. Kasha Davis.

Speaking of BFFs, here’s JLaw with her second bestie, David O. Russell, after a screening of Joy in New York last night. He’s obviously her second, because a real friend would never let her bottom bitch leave the house in a sloppy suit-and-sneakers ensemble.

Pics: Instagram, Splash

For those of you thinking “What in the ever-loving hell is a Swiftmas“, allow me to explain: it’s a made-up word that might soon get your ass sued into the poor house by Taylor Swift’s team of trademark lawyers if you dare utter it. Even though Tay Tay’s monthly bank statements read “Current Balance: $$$RICH AS FUCK“, UsWeekly says the world’s wealthiest American Girl doll has gone ahead and decided to trademark some more words.

According to a blog called Tantalizing Trademarks (which totally sounds like a burlesque club for patent attorneys), Tay Tay’s people have applied for trademarks for the words “Swiftmas“, “Blank Space“, “And I’ll Write Your Name“, “A Girl Named Girl“, and “1989“. Good lord, you know your Get Money Game is out of control when you try to trademark a year. While we’re still allowed to talk about it without receiving an angry cease-and-desist letter, Swiftmas is the annual holiday tradition where Taylor Swift creeps on a bunch of her fans and puts together Christmas presents for them. And now their Swiftmas gifts will come with a legal document about trademark violation taped to the top of the box and directions to the nearest notary public.

If the trademark office stamps APPROVED on Tay Tay’s list, they’ll join her collection of trademarked phrases, which includes her name, “T. S.“, “Party Like It’s 1989“, “Cause We Never Go Out Of Style”, “Could Show You Incredible Things“, “Nice To Meet You. Where You Been?“, and the most cringeworthy jewel in her Pretty Pretty Princess crown, “This Sick Beat.”

That is so many goddamn words. When will it end? You’re right, it never will. It’s only a matter of time before Tay Tay owns the rights to so many phrases that we’re forced to cut her a check every time we open our mouths. Here’s the future owner of 1/25th of the words in the dictionary arriving from Australia at LAX last night.

Pics: Instagram, Splash

And the 2015 She Don’t Love Herself award goes to….

Back in October, Kourtney Kardashian – the stale old fashioned plain donut of the Kardashian family – was seen getting her single mom party on at a club with humanoid blue raspberry Go-Gurt tube Justin Bieber. At the time, I assumed Justin was interviewing for an entry-level position in the Kardashian Khorporation as a babysitter for Kourtney’s kids (you know, so she can get out to the clubs more than twice a week). But according to Gossip Cop, it turns out the only entry-level position she was auditioning for was – you know what? I can’t even finish that joke because it’s making me too nauseous just thinking about it.

36-year-old Kourtney and 21-year-old Justin were seen leaving a club on Friday night and going to Justin’s room at the Montage in Beverly Hills, where she didn’t leave until 4am. A source who’s name I’m sure doesn’t rhyme with Piss Penner tells Gossip Cop that they have been “casually hooking up” since hanging out in October. Yes, as in more than once. Even Kourtney’s deadbeat douchebag baby daddy Scott Disick is probably reacting to this news like “Him? Really?” Well, that or he’s flattered that his ex is rebounding with the Micro Machines version of himself.

This situation is all kinds of NO, but on the bright side, Kourtney won’t have to plan much if Justin decides to sleep over at her house on Christmas Eve. She still has a few days to write a letter to Santa and ask if he could throw a couple extra Legos in his sack. You know, so Justin doesn’t get jealous of Kourtney’s kids on Christmas morning and pout in the corner.

Here’s Kourtney and Justin leaving The Nice Guy on Friday night. I have no idea why Kourtney is dressed like an extra from Dynasty, but whatever the reason, I’m really bummed she didn’t go all out and feather the shit out the front of her hair. Ugh, so lazy this one.

Pics: Splash/INF