The hoverboarding holy chanteuse from the Philippines!

When I was a kid, my abuelita would drag me to Christmas Eve mass at her Catholic church and it was at one of those masses where I learned the important skill of sleeping with my eyes open. Shit was boring. What those Christmas Eve masses really needed was a yodeling priest on wheels.

During Christmas Eve mass at Our Lady of Miraculous Medal Parish in Biñan, Rev. Albert San Jose entertained the people by singing a Christmas song while gliding down the aisle in a two-wheeled, lit-up skateboard that everyone insist on calling a hoverboard. The people at the mass loved it and the video of the priest bringing some drama to mass has gotten over 14 million likes on Facebook so far. But not everyone is into it. The hoverboarding priest’s boss, The Diocese of San Pablo, seem to think that one of those likes didn’t come from Jesus, because singing on a convertible Segway is an disrespectful act against God!

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Gong Li (50)
Gabby Douglas (20)
Bob Bryar (36)
Psy (38)
Donald Trump Jr. (38)
Joey McIntyre (43)
Nicholas Sparks (50)
Michael McDonald (51)
Scott Ian (52)
Val Kilmer (56)
Bebe Neuwirth (57)
James Remar (62)
Tom Hamilton (64)
Rita Lee (68)
Tim Matheson (68)
Diane von Fürstenberg (69)
Taylor Hackford (71)
Sir Ben Kingsley (72)
Sir Anthony Hopkins (78)

Pic: L’Officiel Magazine

And just like that, the My Life Got Shittier After The Release Of The Star Wars Prequels club gets its newest member. Following in the footsteps of Jake Lloyd and Natalie Portman, Hayden Christensen is calling out Star Wars for ripping a stinky fart on his career. During a recent interview with the Los Angeles Times, Hayden admitted that there was a reason why you went from seeing his dumb face everywhere to seeing it only when you searched the words “10 Worst Characters in Star Wars” on the internet. According to Hayden, he didn’t think he deserved to be famous, so he pulled an Irish Goodbye on Hollywood.

“I guess I felt like I had this great thing in Star Wars that provided all these opportunities and gave me a career, but it all kind of felt a little too handed to me. I didn’t want to go through life feeling like I was just riding a wave.”

“You can’t take years off and not have it affect your career. But I don’t know – in a weird, sort of destructive way, there was something appealing about that to me. There was something in the back of my head that was like, ‘If this time away is gonna be damaging to my career, then so be it. If I can come back afterward and claw my way back in, then maybe I’ll feel like I earned it.'”

Hayden didn’t retire from Hollywood completely; after Star Wars II and III, he made a couple films (like the trashy treasure Factory Girl). He recently slipped into some Sears catalog dad drag and tried to tip-toe back in with 90 Minutes in Heaven.

I wonder who will be the next to grab the mic and spit out some hot, sad truth about those Star Wars prequels? $20 says it’s Jar Jar Binks with an op-ed piece in the Naboo Sun-Times complaining about how the only acting work he’s gotten since Star Wars was an appearance in a promotional video for a herpes drug and a late-night commercial for a Gungan phone sex hotline.

Pic: Lucasfilm

The look IS that wet piece of tampon lint Marky Mark wearing a ball cap, a rosary and Starburst swim trunks in Hawaii.  Dude looks like if the definition of a Boston stereotype shat all over a Tommy Bahamas store – Lainey Gossip 

Woe is Teresa Giudice: She can take her greedy hairline out of her marble prison of pure class, but she has to get permission first – Reality Tea

FYI: Leonardo DiCatchAHo could’ve been Anakin Skywalker if he wanted to – Celebitchy

Liam Payne’s chest hair is sort of shaped like a cut dick – Towleroad

Like every other famous (and not really famous) trick, Brittny Gastineau is in a swimsuit – Hollywood Tuna

Rita Ora too – Drunken Stepfather

And Laverne Cox – Popsugar

Skip down mammary lane AGAIN with Heidi Klum – The Superficial

I was waiting for one of Mark Salling’s “friends” to scream “HACKED!” and they’re right on time – Just Jared

And now for a palate cleanser: the hot pieces who went viral for being hot in 2015 – The Berry 

Excuse me while I punch myself in the eyes for mistaking Emma Roberts for Charlize Theron – Popoholic

Ashley Benson went blonder. But I’m sure you already knew that after the news interrupted one of your TV shows to tell you – HuffPo

THE ROCK’S THIGHS – SOW

Pic: FameFlynet

At the Kennedy Center Honors, which happened earlier this month but aired last night, Queen Aretha casually strolled onto the stage in her fur coat and pocketbook in hand to pay tribute to Carole King by performing “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman.” There’s so much gold in Queen Aretha’s performance from her keeping her fur coat on like your auntie who is always ready to leave a party to Carole King prolapsing to President Obama feeling every single part of it. Obama felt things!

But the biggest piece of gold comes when Aretha pulls off her fur coat and drops it to the floor before really blowing everyone’s wig off. When Aretha dropped that coat, everybody got up. Even Queen Aretha’s arch rival Patti LaBelle felt that coat drop. In one second, Aretha gave all those amateur pop tricks a lesson in how to bring it like a true diva.

I’m sure everybody there would’ve pulled an Aretha by taking picture of the master at work, but their phone screens probably shattered when she yodeled out those notes. The only thing this performance was missing was a bored-as-fuck Cissy Houston in the background wondering when that shit would be over because she needs to go home and watch that Matlock marathon.

via Vulture

I haven’t seen Star Wars: The Force Awakens because I’m too busy working my way through my annual Catwalk marathon. But apparently one of the things fans are getting their banthas in a twist about is that (SPOILER ALERT!!!) Princess Leia no longer looks like the Princess Leia from 32 years ago. Maybe Princess Leia’s face looks different because Luke keeps using the last of her La Mer and replacing it with some cheap shit from the Galactic Empire’s version of CVS. Or maybe it’s because Carrie Fisher is 59-years-old and we should all lay the fuck off. If you ask Carrie Fisher, she’ll probably tell you it’s the second one.

Life legend and mother of legend-in-the-making Gary Fisher hopped on Twitter yesterday to swat at all the future Hell-dwellers (I’m pretty sure shitting on Carrie Fisher guarantees you a one-way ticket) who kept running their mouths about how old she looks and how she hasn’t aged well. RUDE! Really though, what were they expecting? A 30-years-old Princess Leia to show up with her face pulled tighter than BB-8’s ball?

Please stop debating about whetherOR not👁aged well.unfortunately it hurts all3 of my feelings.My BODY hasnt aged as well as I have.Blow us👌🏼

— Carrie Fisher (@carrieffisher) December 29, 2015

My body is my brain bag, it hauls me around to those places & in front of faces where theres something to say or see pic.twitter.com/T2TXiEyl17

— Carrie Fisher (@carrieffisher) December 29, 2015

Youth&BeautyR/NOT ACCOMPLISHMENTS,theyre theTEMPORARY happy/BiProducts/of Time&/or DNA/Dont Hold yourBreath4either/ifUmust holdAir/takeGarys

— Carrie Fisher (@carrieffisher) December 30, 2015

I’m not sure what “air” Carrie is talking about, but I’m going to assume she means Gary’s farts. With that being said, “Hold my dog’s farts” is totally my new “Go fuck yourself.”

Carrie recently admitted that she was pressured to replace her meals with water-flavored air in order to slim down before shooting Star Wars: The Force Awakens, so really, it sounds like no one wanted Carrie Fisher to look like Carrie Fisher. Apparently no one got the memo that not everyone in the Star Wars universe ages backwards like forever-sexy goddess Sy Snootles (although if we’re being honest, she totally had her lips done).

Pic: Splash