Birthday Sluts
Morris Chestnut (47)
Meryl Davis (29)
Eden Riegel (35)
Elin Nordegren (36)
Lauren Silverman (39)
Jonah Peretti (42)
Carmen Ejogo (43)
Danny Lloyd (43)
Tameka Foster (45)
Mr. Lawrence (47)
Verne Troyer (47)
Spencer Tunick (49)
Dedee Pfeiffer (52)
Grandmaster Flash (58)
Nicole Miller (64)
Max Azria (67)
Frank Langella (78)
Pic: Muscle & Performance
New Year’s Eve Crumbs
Katy Perry and John Mayer are still humping on each other and last night they were papped leaving a restaurant together. Nothing says “true everlasting love” like Katy Perry hanging her head in pure shame, because she can’t believe that she’s still fucking that giant genital ulcer – Lainey Gossip
That confused look…. That cane… Those lawyers helping him walk… Bill Cosby laid it on thick during his perp walk – The Superficial
Jabba the Trump thinks that President Obama is trying to yank his pink can of AquaNet from his slimy paws – Towleroad
Gavin Rossdale’s one-time secret daughter is at the beach like every other rich ho – Hollywood Tuna
If you’ve been thinking to yourself, “You know, 2015 can’t end without me seeing Rita Ora in another bikini one last time,” you’re in luck – Popoholic
Why am I staring deep into Tara Reid’s skeletal and silicone abyss? – Drunken Stepfather
This kid’s reaction to getting a new sister is pretty much my reaction to anything new – The Berry
Renee “Squinty No More” Zellweger is still with that fancy-named dude – Celebitchy
If Kendall Jenner and Harry Styles had dinner together in Anguilla and they were not “caught” by the paparazzi Pimp Mama Kris called, did it really happen? – Popsugar
Chris Rock says that Jennifer Lawrence would really be crying about the gender wage gap if she was a black woman – Just Jared
Pic: FameFlynet
George Lucas Came For Disney During An Interview With Charlie Rose
Sorry, I should have been more clear; he came for the Disney corporation, not Walt Disney himself. Although the mental image of George Lucas cussing out the ghost of Walt Disney in a parking lot while Mickey Mouse shouts “Get him, Walt! Whoop his ass!” from the hood of a car isn’t the worst thing my brain has thought up today.
George Lucas’ interview with Charlie Rose happened on the 25th, but since we all spent Christmas day in a turkey coma (we = me, and anyone else who mainlines gravy), we’re not getting to it until today. However, I think you’ll consider it was worth the wait in the event you really wanted to kiss goodbye to 2015 with a story about a jowly old billionaire reading Disney to filth.
Since I’m pretty sure there’s a journalism law that says you can’t interview The Father of Star Wars without asking him about the newest Star Wars movie, Charlie Rose brought up Star Wars: The Force Awakens. And guess what? George didn’t like it. According to George, Star Wars: The Force Awakens was a “retro movie” and a cash-grab that pandered to the fans. George says that if George was still in charge, his idea for Star Wars: The Force Awakens would have been to make it “completely different, with different planets, with different spaceships, make it new.” But George couldn’t do that because George sold the Star Wars franchise to the house of mouse back in 2012 for $4 billion. Although as you’ll hear around the 2:00 mark, he uses a completely different nickname for them.
“The white slavers“? Oh boy. Somewhere on Naboo, George’s best pal Jar Jar Binks is like “Err…meesa don’t know him.”
You can watch all 55 minutes of Salty George’s interview here. Or if you’d rather be the one saying “This is such a crappy cash-grab” for 55 minutes, skip George’s interview and watch the first 55 minutes of the Star Wars holiday special instead.
Open Post: Hosted By The Most Elegant New Year’s Eve Ball Drop Of All-Time
Since it’s the last Open Post of the year, we should end on a truly elegant note, so here’s Chinese swan Bai Ling delivering her final act of demureness for 2015. We can all say that we’ve had enough servings of Vitamin E (for elegance) to last us until December 31, 2016 thanks to these gorgeous portraits of the pristine human orchid holding a sparkly red ball with her suction cup pussy lips on the docks.
Bai probably wanted to shoot that red ball out of her precious oyster, but decided that us mere mortals wouldn’t be able to take it and she has to save something for next year’s ho stroll photo shoots. That sequined red ball is probably what an angel’s period clot looks like in heaven.
Before my sweet nectar’d up ass passes out after partying all night tonight (read: passes out on the couch at 9 while waiting for The Silver Fox on CNN), I’m going to say a little prayer for another year of modesty and gracefulness brought to us by Bai Ling!
Happy New Year’s Eve, whores!
Miss Colombia Thinks Her Crown-Snatching Moment Might Have Been A Publicity Stunt
Former Hot Slut and owner of an on-point [Screaming Internally] face Miss Colombia (real name: Arianda Gutierrez) has some thoughts about that time Steve Harvey caused a million beauty pageant contestants at home to clutch at their hearts and dramatically scream “OH HEAVENS NOOOOOOOOOO!” by crowning the wrong winner. Shortly after that mess happened, Miss Colombia pulled a page out of her How To Be A Gracious Beauty Pageant Runner-Up book and congratulated Miss Philippines on Instagram. But eventually the extra-strength hairspray high wore off, and started thinking that maybe she got played.
According to Latin Times (via People), Miss Colombia recently spoke with Colombia’s W radio, and it sounds like she isn’t exactly drawing hearts and smiley faces around the pictures in her Miss Universe pageant scrapbook.
“It was very humiliating for me, but also for the whole country and for all the people not only from Colombia but the other Latinos that were in the auditorium.” Gutierrez added that as everything was going down, she only thought “this is going to be a joke, because in the rehearsals he used to play around with questions and I thought he was going to continue with that same tone to make people laugh.”
When asked if she thought the mistake was a shameless publicity grab, she replied: “If that was the goal, they succeeded.” Apparently when they took the crown off Miss Colombia’s head, someone replaced it with a tinfoil hat.
Miss Colombia also shot down the dreams of anyone hoping to see her appear in a hardcore porno with a dude named Steve Horny. Miss Colombia says she was recently offered $1 million by Vivid Entertainment to launch her career with a fuck film, but that she’d never do it because “my parents would kill me.” Kim Kardashian is like “Honey, no – if your mom is anything like mine, she’d be thrilled.”
I love a good conspiracy theory, so I’m 100% on board with Miss Colombia side-eyeing the powers that be at the Miss Universe pageant over her de-crowning. The only problem with it is that it wasn’t nearly scandalous enough to be a shameless publicity stunt. If they really wanted through-the-roof ratings, they would have taken her crown and given it to the animal serving up crazy coke-eyed beauty on the crotch of Miss Canada’s totem pole dress.
Pic: Splash
Caitlyn Jenner Has Settled One Of The Three Lawsuits Against Her
It looks like Caitlyn Jenner can go ahead and cross one of the names off her “People Who Want Me To Pay Up For That Malibu Car Crash” list. TMZ says that Caitlyn and Jessica Steindorff have settled their lawsuit. Jessica was the driver of the Prius that was rear-ended by Caitlyn’s Escalade and hit Kim Howe’s Lexus, which resulted in her being struck by an oncoming vehicle and killed back in February.
At the time the lawsuit was filed, Jennifer was asking for lost wages, personal injury, and more than $25,000 in damages and medical fees. TMZ doesn’t say just how many dollars Jennifer ended up stuffing into her purse, but one thing we know for sure is that none of them came with the dirty stink of Kardashian money. A source says the settlement was paid for completely by Caitlyn’s insurance.
Caitlyn still has two more lawsuits to deal with: one from Kim Howe’s stepchildren, and one from the family who was driving the Hummer that collided with Kim Howe’s Lexus. So, start saving those pennies, Caitlyn Jenner’s insurance company. And I guess don’t worry about saving any pennies, Caitlyn? “You might not need any extra kash, but that doesn’t excuse you from your familial obligations, so get your ass back to strolling for the paps in front of the DASH store” whispered Kris Jenner. I don’t know if they actually make money every time they’re photographed waddling to and from their cars, but I would assume so, since why else would they do it? Oh, right – attention.
Speaking of family, here’s Caitlyn’s hottest kid (don’t worry, I’m deeply ashamed every time I say those words out loud) in Las Vegas last night with his girlfriend, who is giving off some major bootleg Kylie Jenner vibes.
