Hot Slut Of The Day!

/ January 2, 2016

In-N-Out Pie!

After New Year’s Eve, hos left and right go on and on about how 2016 is the year they’re going to stop shoving tons of delicious carbs into their eating holes and start “eating right” (whatever that means). Well, the best way to drown out the sound of people around you talking about boring diet and exercise shit is to make your bowels and arteries scream by wrapping your mouth around a giant piece of  In-N-Out pie.

The fuckery food chefs at Foodbeast, who obviously work for the makers of Lipitor, made Southern California dreams come true by baking up an In-N-Out pie that looks like the inside of a Port-A-Potty at a chili festival. It also looks one of ‘Murica’s artery clots. To make an In-N-Out pie, all you need is a pie crust, animal sauce, a whole lot of fries, a few 4X4s, some other sauce, grilled onions and enough cheese to keep your ass constipated for days. Throw it all together, bake and voila! You’ve got a pie that looks like an alien abortion!

The In-N-Out purists are probably sending that video to the FBI since doing that to an In-N-Out burger should be illegal. Yeah, it’s blasphemy and In-N-Out pie looks and sounds like something that oozes out of Mama June after an anal orgy, but I still would.

via Mashable (Thanks to everybody who sent this in!)

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Birthday Sluts

/ January 2, 2016

Gabrielle Carteris (55)
Shelley Hennig (29)
Kate Bosworth (33)
Erica Hubbard (37)
Karina Smirnoff (38)
Paz Vega (40)
Dax Shepard (41)
Will Kirby (43)
Taye Diggs (45)
Sheree Whitfield (46)
Christy Turlington (47)
Cuba Gooding Jr. (48)
Tia Carrere (49)
Jón Gnarr, the former Mayor of Reykjavík (49)
Todd Haynes (55)
Christopher Durang (67)
Jack Hanna (69)

Pic: Fox

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Open New Year’s Day Post: Hosted By Canadian-American Rose Pamela Anderson

/ January 1, 2016

And here’s Hepatitis C-free pristine blossom Pamela Anderson looking like Peg from Lady and the Tramp while partying on New Year’s Eve with drag queen Elaine Lancaster and photographer David LaChapelle at Ultra Lounge at the Viceroy in Miami. Bitch is looking broke off and dozed off and I don’t know if she wants to take a nap in somebody’s lap or have an intimate conversation about love and dreams with that delicious glass of booze (see: picture 1 in the gallery).

This is pretty much how I spent my New Year’s Eve too. Only I guzzled from a plastic cup full of pink wine from Target instead of a glass flute full of champagne. And instead of partying with a drag queen, I partied next to a farting dog. And I wasn’t at some club in Miami. I was in a living room in Denver wishing that the local weed shop delivered late at night because I needed more of the good shit to deal with staring at Jenny McCarthy’s albino predator-looking ass on TV. But other than that, same!

Pics: Splash

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ICYMI: The Taylor Swift Video That Almost Cost A Bunch Of Endangered Birds Their Lives!

/ January 1, 2016

While dead-eyed drop of lukewarm tap water Kendull Jenner and Gymboree’s answer to Mick Jagger Harry Styles cuddled for the paps in St. Barts, Taylor Swift premiered the video for the song she supposedly wrote about him even though they had one of those short-term contracts.

That shifty troll frog Ryan Seacrest premiered the video on Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve last night, but I’m just getting around to posting it now, because I’ve been traveling today and my laptop shut the hell down when I tried to watch it again at the airport. That was a sign.

The video for “Out Of The Woods” was shot in New Zealand and a bunch of environmental activists got mad at Taylor’s ass, because her crew drove their cars near a spot on the beach where the nests of endangered birds are. If you listen closely, you can hear the sound of a dozen shrieking endangered birds screaming at those bitches to get away from their asses. But then again, that could just be Tay Tay’s singing voice.

If The Chronicles of Narnia was re-written as a cheesy young adult romance novel by Stephenie Meyer, the trailer for the movie version of it would look this video. TayTay runs from CGI wolves, she shows off her junior high school theater acting skills and she turns into some kind of tree that you just want to chop down. And she does all of that while wearing a dress that’s really similar to the dress she wore when she broke up with Harry Styles and took a boat ride for one to LonelyBitchVille. Subtle.

And tattoo artists everywhere better be ready to say, “Um, I’m going to need to see your ID,” because hundreds of 12-year-old Tumblr girls are going to come in to try to get “She Lost Him But She Found Herself” tattooed on their tramp stamp area.

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Natalie Cole Has Died

/ January 1, 2016

So, here’s a big way to start 2016 on an extra shitty, shitty note. TMZ says that legendary Natalie Cole has died at a hospital in Los Angeles and is now singing with her dad Nat King Cole for the angels in heaven. She was only 65.

Natalie recently had to cancel a bunch of shows, including a New Year’s Eve concert in L.A., because she had to be hospitalized. TMZ says that Natalie died of congestive heart failure. Natalie had Hepatitis C and she recently suffered from complications from a kidney transplant.

Natalie won several Grammys including a few for Unforgettable…With Love, which was the Adele’s 25 of its time. Everybody had that album and I’m glad YouTube wasn’t around in the 90s, because if it was, there’d probably be a video of my young gay self badly singing the Natalie part in “L-O-V-E.”  Her last album Natalie Cole en Español came out in 2013.

In 2000, Natalie released her memoirs Angel On My Shoulder where she talked a lot about her troubles with the bad shit during much of her life. It was later turned into a TV movie for NBC.

Natalie’s rep released this statement:

“It is with heavy hearts that we bring to you all the news of our Mother and sister’s passing. Natalie fought a fierce, courageous battle, dying how she lived..with dignity, strength and honor. Our beloved Mother and sister will be greatly missed and remain UNFORGETTABLE in our hearts forever.”

Natalie is survived by her son Robert Adam Yancy.

Rest in peace, Natalie Cole.

And since I’m a child of the 1980s, this is my favorite Natalie Cole song ever.

Pic: Getty

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

/ January 1, 2016

JOAN FUCKING COLLINS!

A disturbing and shameful fact hit my head the other day: The goddess of all goddesses Joan Collins has never been Hot Slut of the Day. During the almost 11 years since Dlisted was born behind a dumpster in the back alley, I have slobbered out a Pacific Ocean-sized worth of praise about Joan Collins and I can’t believe I never properly bowed down to her. I should text you all the GPS coordinates of my corner so you can take turns slapping my face with a satin glove-covered hand for committing an illegal act by never making Joan Collins HSOTD.

But since it’s a brand new year, it’s time to finally right this wrong. I don’t need to say anything about Joan Collins because she’s Joan Fucking Collins. If you need to know more about her, just go to your local church, because I’m sure the preacher there is giving a sermon solely about her being our lord and savior.

My only wish and resolution this year is to give Joan Collins the attention and respect she deserves! (Okay, that’s my second wish. My main wish is to get into a polygamist marriage with a weed farmer and a liquor store owner.)

Happy New Year, hos! Here’s to another year of Joan Collins hitting us with a whole lot of glamour.

Pic: Joan Collins Collection

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