Many times when Hollywood does a big-screen biopic about someone, they wait until that someone has died. But Madonna is very much alive and since she has her internal organs regularly switched out with the pristine organs of the virgin teens she hunts, she’s going to live forever. Hollywood is going ahead with a Madge biopic anyway and this one will start in the early days of her career and take us up to her performance at the first MTV Video Music Awards in 1984. Madge is probably not going to be involved in it in any way, because she made it clear that she’d rather deep throat a hydrangea than give that shit her stamp of approval.
Almost two months have passed since Faye Dunaway became part of You Screwed Up history with Warren Beatty and the PwC Accountants when she accidentally announced La La Land as the Best Picture winner of the 89th Academy Awards. Two months seems like more than enough time to recover from such an embarrassing public moment. I’m of course basing this solely off of how long it took me to recover from my own most embarrassing moment (3 weeks for projectile vomiting at a friend’s boss’ house after their staff Christmas party). But apparently two months isn’t enough time to heal the wound that opened up on Faye’s ego on Oscar night.
Scott Baio, the corroded dick cheese nugget clinging to an ingrown hair on humanity’s right ballsack, has shit on “fake news” on Twitter before. But over the weekend, his dim dumb ass fell for fake news and he repeated a wrong rumor about how the Joanie to his Chachi, Erin Moran, died. Erin died at the age of 56 at her home in New Salisbury, Indiana on Saturday. Erin had a history of addiction, so it didn’t take long for a tabloid to burp up a story about how she died of an overdose. The Daily Mail said that a “source” told them that Erin died of a suspected heroin overdose. That rumor was picked up by others and Scott Baio eventually saw it.
Former “Bachelor” Chris Soules Has Been Arrested For Allegedly Hitting And Killing The Driver Of A Tractor
Chris Soules, aka Prince Farming from the 19th season of The Bachelor, contestant on The Bachelorette, and fourth runner up on the 20th season of Dancing with the Stars, is currently in trouble with the law for allegedly fucking up real bad in Buchanan County, Iowa. According to TMZ, Chris Soules rear-ended a John Deere tractor trailer with his pick-up truck on a road last night at around 8:20, sending the tractor and driver into the ditch. Instead of sticking around, he reportedly fled the scene in a panic; state patrol tells KWWL Iowa 7 that he left his truck behind. An ambulance arrived and took the tractor driver to the hospital, where he died.
Serena Williams is having a baby with her fiancé, Reddit co-founder Alexis Onahian. I’m sure some in the tennis world responded by congratulating her or getting on the phone with Wilson and ordering a dozen or so custom-made infant-sized racquets with “future GOAT” printed on the handle. Romanian tennis champion Ilie Nastase acknowledged Serena’s big news by keeping true to his nickname and telling a nasty-ish joke about the baby growing inside her. Not surprisingly, Serena is not here for it.
“Don’t cry, Tina. 4 out of 5 of us carry that virus…” – tim
Hall monitors sure have changed since my day. – BruinsBeaverOverlord