I’ve never understood why people in Hollywood get so secretive about who they’re fucking. At some point, just by six degrees of separation, they’ve all fucked each other at least once. Case in point, everyone pretty much knows that Jamie Foxx has become Katie Holmes’ dick of choice for a while now, but they still like to keep shit on the hush hush tip, because we’re all idiots, apparently.
Thrush medicine’s new favorite sort-of couple Bella Thorne and Scott Disick left Los Angeles for Cannes on Monday, because they obviously needed to be where they could get the most possible exposure. Since arriving, they wasted no time in stealing a little attention away from all the other fame whores currently in Cannes. UsWeekly says 33-year-old Scott and 19-year-old Bella Thorne were seen “pouvez-nouille-ent” (that’s my attempt at translating “canoodling” to French) at a villa in Cannes yesterday.
— Us Weekly (@usweekly) May 24, 2017
That picture was taken after Bella and Scott jumped in the pool with their clothes on. After they got out, Bella stripped down to her swim suit, but I see Scott didn’t. Smart move on Scott’s part; there’s nothing unsexier than watching someone struggle to pull off a pair of wet jeans.
A source tells Entertainment Tonight the obvious:
“They’re just hooking up. It’s nothing serious. They have known each other for a while now.”
Scott was later seen alone at a club just down the street from the club where Kourtney Kardashian and her current boyfriend were hanging out. Scott is going to get in so much trouble when Kris Jenner finds out about that. He had the opportunity to be photographed “accidentally” showing up at the same club as his reason for relevance, with his latest reason for relevance, and he didn’t? The nerve! What’s the point of even going to Cannes if you aren’t going put in the fame whore effort? Honestly, Scott, I’m starting to think you don’t even want to start unnecessary drama anymore.
“I should have just listened to my father and become a life insurance salesman” – the Pope – Tanagra
Three whores and a priest walk into a bar…. – bkmn
Mrs. Schumacher (as played by the late Paula Trueman) from the original Dirty Dancing!
Because I was helping my mom move yesterday and her TV situation hasn’t been set up yet, I was spared from witnessing ABC take the original Dirty Dancing, shit all over it, butcher it to pieces and shit on it some more before setting it on fire and then shitting on its ashes. Everyone on the internet and beyond seem to agree that if Patrick Swayze was buried in a grave, his grave-rolling moves would’ve had more rhythm and charisma than that pile of cold trash that ABC aired last night. It seems like the cut-off pieces of Jennifer Grey’s old nose skin would’ve done a better acting job than Abigail Breslin and the wooden Count Von Count with abs figurine who played Johnny Castle. All of the awful reviews for that not-needed shit make me want to see it more, because hate-watching is one of my favorite forms of cardio.
Sir Ian McKellen (78)
Aly Raisman (23)
Neon Hitch (31)
Roman Reigns (32)
Thorgy Thor (33)
Esmé Augusta Bianco (35)
Terra Jole (37)
Joe King (37)
Cillian Murphy (41)
Ethan Suplee (41)
Molly Sims (44)
Lindsay and Sidney Greenbush (47)
Octavia Spencer (45)
Jamie Kennedy (46)
Anne Heche (48)
Stacy London (48)
Mike Myers (54)
Connie Sellecca (62)
Eve Ensler (64)
Jacki Weaver (70)
Frank Oz (73)
Leslie Uggams (74)
Ann Robinson (88)
We’ve head about a sequel to Top Gun happening before, but now Tom Cruise says that it’s really happening and will probably come out in 2019. Two things: I bet the boys in the Scientology bath house still giggle at the “top” in Top Gun. And I also bet that in the sequel, we will learn that Kelly McGillis’ character was in a major plane accident and got total face and body reconstructive surgery. What I’m saying is that her character will be played by a 19-year-old – Lainey Gossip
Pippa Middleton should’ve seen this coming and given People an exclusive picture of her throwing the bouquet into Future Princess Meghan’s hands. Rookie mistake! – Celebitchy
The year is 2017 and Mischa Barton is at Cannes – Drunken Stepfather
Noted gay haters Migos don’t hate drag queens after all. Or, they didn’t show their hate for drag queens during Saturday Night Live, anyway – Towleroad
The Giudices are opening a money laundering operation, I mean, pizza shop – Reality Tea
Salma Hayek thankfully trashed that pink wig and served up some magnificent chichis at Cannes – Popoholic
Jessica Lowndes still exists – Hollywood Tuna
Things I would trade in my sister and dog for: that cha cha heels-carrying Divine doll – OMG Blog
Panty Creamer of the Day: A showered, de-greased and de-dick cheese’d (I’m guessing) Colin Farrell in a tux – Popsugar
Ariana Grande is reportedly going to pay for the funerals of the 22 victims of the terrorist attack at her show – SOW
She’s also officially put her tour on hold – Just Jared
And here’s more shitty news and sadness, Lisa Spoonauer from Clerks died at the way-too-young age of 44 – Pajiba