Hot Slut Of The Day!

/ January 24, 2016

Tian Tian, the snow-loving giant panda of the National Zoo in DC!

The giant icy pussy known as Winter Storm Jonas wreaked havoc on the Northeast and the Mid-Atlantic yesterday, but you wouldn’t really know that by watching this video of 19-year-old giant panda Tian Tian getting several lives by rolling around in the snow.

Since I live in California now, the only time I’m covered in the white stuff is when some cokehead mess accidentally sneezes on me at a bar. So I was a little jealous of you tricks on the East who are covered in Snow Miser’s jizz until I remembered how many times I nearly broke my face while trying to drunkenly walk on the ice in NYC. But Tian Tian didn’t give a fuck about any of the winter storm woes when he woke up yesterday to a whole lot of snow.

I’ve watched this video at least 13,000 times since yesterday. It’s hypnotizing. Tian Tian is paying homage to the Lohans (by losing it over all that white powder), Quentin Tarantino (by biting on his toes) and Madonna (by serving up the same moves she served up in the video for “Burning Up“). Tian Tian is so damn happy that he’s biting his panda foot to make sure this heavenly wonderland is real-life!

I haven’t seen a panda that happy since Lu Lu, the Wilt Chamberlain of pandas, humped on some panda cooch for over 7 minutes.

via @NationalZoo (For Andy and P.J.)

Read more…
SHARE

Birthday Sluts

/ January 24, 2016

Neil Diamond (75)
Mischa Barton (30)
Frankie “Social Media Mogul” Grande (33)
Nicole Lenz (36)
Tatyana Ali (37)
Kyle Brandt (37)
Kristen Schaal (38)
Ed Helms (42)
Beth Hart (44)
Kenya Moore (45)
Matthew Lillard (46)
Mary Lou Retton (48)
Phil Lamarr (49)
Nastassja Kinski (55)
Jools Holland (58)
Yakov Smirnoff (65)
Daniel Auteuil (66)
Gennifer Flowers (66)
Aaron Neville (75)
Jerry Maren, the last surviving original Munchkin from The Wizard of Oz (96)

Read more…
SHARE

Open Post: Hosted By John Travolta’s Softly Squared-Off Hair

/ January 23, 2016

There’s a reason why John Travolta has earned a reputation as the hardest working scalp in show business. There’s no hairpiece too old, too thin, too tired, or too busted that he couldn’t slap it on his head and work like the rent was due weeks ago. Case in point: whatever was on his head at the 13th Annual Living Legends of Aviation Awards last night.

Up close it’s not that bad, but when you pull back a bit, it’s pretty square. It’s like a Magic Eye picture, but the hidden image is a man modeling a toupee that just came out of the package and hasn’t been fluffed yet. I’m not sure why John Travolta’s stylist went with that particular model, but they really should have given it some volume on top before they let him leave the Scientology basement beauty salon. Did his Bumpit™ fall out in the limo on the ride over? Or maybe he did just pull it from the package, and he’s trying not to break it in too much because he’s planning on returning it tomorrow? Oh John, you sneaky devil, you.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Read more…
SHARE

But How Does Nick Cannon Feel About Mimi’s Engagement?

/ January 23, 2016

Because we all want to know what the one-time owner of a giant Mariah back tattoo thinks about Far Far Away’s upcoming royal wedding spectacular, Mariah Carey’s second husband Nick Cannon hopped on Instagram and congratulated his future ex-wife on her recent engagement to her billionaire boyfriend James Packer. Nick threw up a picture of himself lying in a hospital bed from an episode of Real Husbands of Hollywood with the words “It’s just a ring Nick…” (raise your hand if you also read that in Kevin Hart’s voice) along with a caption that read:

Ha! This made me laugh out loud for real!!! HILARIOUS! #AllLove Congrats to @MariahCarey and James! May God Bless Your Future Union… #GreatPeople #GreatCouple

For those of you thinking “DUH – I’d write the same thing if I was looking to score an invitation to a billionaire’s wedding“, E! says that Nick is legitimately happy for Mariah. A source says Nick didn’t know James was going to slip a gerbil-sized diamond on her finger, but he wasn’t that shocked, since he figured it would happen eventually. The source goes on to say that Mimi and Nick’s kids (excuse me, Dem Babies) like James and James treats them well, and that’s all he cares about.

Now, I don’t know if I’d respond to my ex-piece getting remarried with an LOL, but I don’t doubt that Nick did. I bet Nick started laughing the second he realized he was about to be replaced as the person Mimi calls when she needs help fishing a Hello Kitty doll out of her bathtub drain. “It’s James’ problem now! Hahahahaha!

Pic: Instagram

Read more…

Now In “Things That Should Be Illegal” News: A Labyrinth Reboot Is Happening

/ January 23, 2016

Somewhere in the afterlife, the ghost of David Bowie just called a meeting with the ghost of Jim Henson to discuss the best way to haunt the shit out of whoever thought a Labyrinth reboot was a good idea.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, the latest nugget of nostalgia from your childhood to get the unnecessary remake treatment will be Jim Henson’s 1986 film Labyrinth. In case you’re not familiar with the life-changing magnificence that is Labyrinth, it’s a musical puppet fantasy movie starring David Bowie as Jareth the Goblin King, a sexy baby-stealer who looks like what you’d get if Elvira Mistress of the Dark and a pound of coke had a baby, and a young Jennifer Connelly as Sarah, the sister of the baby he steals. Also, tons of fucked-up puppets. It’s basically the most perfect movie from the 80s. And now Hollywood is going to give it the Jem and the Hollograms treatment! All together now:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

And if you’re still standing after that “NOOOOO!“, feel free to follow it up with a “WHY, GOD, WHYYYYYYY????” while falling to the floor and curling up into the fetal position like I did.

Here are the details on Hollywood’s latest example of shameful disrespect for feathered hair and puppets. TriStar (the company responsible for the first Labyrinth) worked out a deal with The Jim Henson Co. to produce a new Labyrinth. They’ve hired one of the co-writers of Guardians of the Galaxy to write it, and it will be produced by Jim Henson’s daughter Lisa Henson. No word on who will be cast in this mess, but one thing is for sure: no matter who they get to play Jareth, there’s no way they’ll be able to work a goblin king crotch bulge like David Bowie could.

BowieBulge

I don’t blame The Jim Henson Company for throwing a giant ugly watermark over Bowie’s dick; if I was responsible for one of the most important and stunning pieces of visual art of all time, I’d want my name all over it too.

Pics: TriStar, The Jim Henson Co.

Read more…

Holly Madison Is Going To Be A Mom For The Second Time

/ January 23, 2016

I used to watch The Girls Next Door (something my brain still hasn’t forgiven me for), and I always thought that if anyone was going to run full-tilt towards a normal life when the show ended, it would be Bridget Marquardt’s chronically not-into-it dog Wednesday. I never counted on Holly Madison being the married-with-two-kids type; she really seemed more like the crushing-boner-pills-into-Heff’s-apple-sauce-till-death-do-them-part type. But here we are.

Holly called up People and spilled the news that her husband of two years, Pasquale Rotella, put a second baby into her body. Holly and Pasquale are already parents to a two-and-a-half year old daughter named Rainbow Aurora Rotella. Holly says she’s “so excited“, and that her second pregnancy will be more enjoyable than the first because she’ll know what to expect this time around. She went ahead and confirmed that she was pregnant again on Instagram by throwing up an old picture of her kissing newborn Rainbow with the caption: “Can’t wait for another little one to join the family in August!

Because she was lucky and her call was picked up by a receptionist instead of going straight to People’s general voicemail box, Holly gave more information about the baby living inside her. Like that she thinks it’s a boy. She also confirmed that Rainbow Aurora won’t be the only one in the family with a WTF-worthy name. Holly says she already has a few names picked out for Baby #2, but won’t say what they are. Since her first kid’s name sounds like it was picked at random from the toy section of a 1980’s Sears Wish Book, I’m going to guess that Holly’s new baby will be named either Jenga He-Man or G.I. Glo Worm.

In the event you really want to see what a barely-pregnant Holly Madison looks like, here she is strolling the red carpet at the opening night of Jennifer Lopez’s Vegas show on Wednesday.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Read more…
SHARE

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >