Ludivine, the dog who ran a half-marathon without even trying and won a medal.

When some people decide to do a marathon, they train for a looooong time and they suffer through sore body parts, busted toe nails, bloody nips and worn out fingers from posting Facebook post after Facebook post about their marathon woes (that goes out to my marathon-running FB friends who go on marathon FB sprees about their training and shit ). Ludivine, a two-and-a-half-year-old bloodhound, is looking at those marathon runners like, “Weak bitches!” Because on Saturday, Ludivine casually ran a 13.1 mile half marathon in her town of Elkmont, Alabama and she came in 7th.

Ludivine’s human, April Hamlin, tells Runner’s World that her pooch’s journey to becoming a marathon winner started on Saturday morning. When April let Ludivine out to piss, she snuck out of the backyard and strolled on over to the downtown area where the marathon was about to start. Ludivine sneaks out and goes to downtown from time to time, so the people of Elkmont know her. Ludivine hung out with the runners before the marathon and when it started, she joined in. One runner, who came in 4th, said that Ludivine didn’t run the marathon straight. She ran off the course to mingle with other animals, sniff at roadkill and play in streams. She kept on running, though, and finished in 7th. She was just behind the 6th place winner who came in at 1:32. Ludivine was given a 7th place medal and she posed for pictures afterward. Not pictured: The 8th place finisher who is throwing “I need to see her damn registration papers!” looks at Ludivine.

April says she was surprised that Ludivine didn’t quit because that dog is lazy, “She’s laid back and friendly, so I can’t believe she ran the whole half marathon because she’s actually really lazy.”

Well, that lazy is now a marathon winner. Next stop, Rio 2016! Go, Ludivine!

Pics: Elkmont Half Marathon Facebook (For Kelly, Manja, Spaulding and Jo)

Gilles Marini (40)
Cameron Bright (23)
Manti Te’o (25)
Christopher Massey (26)
Emily Hughes (27)
Layla Kayleigh (31)
Colin O’Donoghue (35)
Sara Rue (37)
Kirk Franklin (46)
Paul Johansson (52)
Wayne Gretzky (55)
Anita Baker (58)
Ellen Degeneres (58)
Eddie Van Halen (61)
Lucinda Williams (63)
Mimi Leder (64)
David Strathairn (67)
Christopher Hampton (70)
Scott Glenn (75)
Bob Uecker (82)
Ann Jeffreys (93)

Chris Pine strut his ass through LAX while wearing a pair of nerd glasses for all you kinky “cum on glasses” fetishists out there – Lainey Gossip 

The Peter Facinelli-looking Prime Minister of Canada wants Leonardo DiCatchAHo to tone down his words about the oil industry – Celebitchy

Monty Brinson, Kim Richards’ ex-husband, died after a long battle with cancer – Reality Tea

After the sadness above, here’s a video of John Barrowman and Stephen Amell ending their Phantom of the Opera duet with a tiny peck. I know, it needed a lot more tongue – Towleroad

James Deen is still winning porn awards – The Superficial

Jason Biggs’ thirsty wife showed Hilaria Baldwin how to get really get likes by doing pantless pilates – Drunken Stepfather

Those Golden Globes people are pieces of shit for spelling Jon Hamm’s name wrong on his award. Hey, morons, it’s spelled H-A-M-M-A-C-O-N-D-A! – Jezebel

Selena Gomez’s SNL performance was supposed to look like a sexy threesome but it looked more like some kind of weird double massage – Hollywood Tuna 

Kanye West writes like a serial killer with Rheumatoid Arthritis – IDLYITW

Ronda Rousey isn’t engaged – Just Jared

Courtney Love circa 1987 sort of looks like a morph of Who’s That Girl Madonna and Kelly Osbourne – OMG Blog

Kate Beckinsale is dressed like a Bond villainess from the late 90s and I’m into it – Popoholic

Chelsea Handler’s interview with Justin Bieber made her feel like she was going to end up on a list – Popsugar

Speaking of ending up on a list, Madge spanked and grinded on donut-terrorizing toddler Ariana Grande Latte – Boy Culture

Something for everyone: Lara Stone’s nipples in a white wet shirt and a male model hot piece in a wet white Speedo – The Nip Slip

Hide yo stuffed animals because this Corgi is snatching all of them through doors – The Berry 

Ryan Reynolds says that Chris Evans has a very powerful ass….. Do with that what you will – Pajiba

Pic: Splash

Deadline says that Woody Allen has cast the hillbilly chipmunk Miley Cyrus and Elaine May in his new show for Amazon. Woody Allen is also going to star in it. Elaine May is way over the age of 30, so she’s obviously not going to be the pervy turtle’s love interest. That’s probably going to be Miley. This is really good news for the makers of Pepto-Bismol, because hos are going to need to swallow several bottles of that pink stuff to deal with the heaves they’ll get after watching Miley rub her chicken paillard ass cheeks on Woody Allen’s face. I don’t think the world will ever be ready for Miley Cyrus as Woody Allen’s new muse. Here’s a few details about Woody’s new show.

“Allen has set the principal cast for the six half-hour-episode series that will take place in the 1960s, and it is certainly unexpected. Allen, who wrote the scripts and will direct, has set Elaine May and Miley Cyrus to star alongside him. I don’t know a lot more than this, as Allen is shrewd offering information on his projects. It begins shooting in March.”

And Miley has worked with Uncle Terry and now she’s doing shit with Woody Allen. So don’t be too surprised when she announces that she’s starring in Roman Polanski’s new movie and is doing a sandwich line with Subway Jared.

Pic: Splash

This afternoon, I sat back with a giant bowl of extra buttery popcorn and inhaled the scent of burnt paper as I watched the Internet roast wet piece of cardboard Kristen Stewart for saying that the #OscarsSoWhite controversy is boring her and people of color need to stop whining and do something. She supposedly said that while promoting her new movie Certain Women during an interview with Variety at Sundance. I guess even Variety couldn’t understand the rambling stream of words that came dribbling out of her mouth, because they later corrected their story and said that Kristen Stewart wasn’t talking about the racial diversity problem in Hollywood. She was talking about gender equality. So KStew doesn’t think you actors of color should stop bitching and moaning. She thinks you vagina-havers need to stop crying!

The Styrofoam cup full of watery powdered milk took us on a roller coaster ride of words as she tried to tell us her thoughts on women in the industry complaining about gender equality. KStew is pretty much the Nike of gender equality, because she thinks you wimmuns need to stop crying and just do it. Go do something! Go make a painting! Go write words! Go get your box eaten by a married director in a Mini Cooper! Just go do something!

“It’s hard for me to speak to that because it’s awkward. I’m so fucking lucky and so stimulated and driven like not bored and I have something in front of me all the time, so it sounds weird for me to sit around and be like, ‘It’s not fair!’ It’s like, well, guys make more money, because their movies make more money. It’s like, let’s start making…. It makes sense. Like, if you’re bored or if you feel like there’s a lack of something in front of you…. It’s silly for me to say but, ‘Go do something.’ My mom’s an artist, she’s like a painter, she’s a script supervisor as well. So like, when she wasn’t working she was making something. She was never bored. Instead of sitting around and complaining about that, do something, go write something, go do something for yourself. You know what I mean? And that’s easy to say, like fuck, it’s hard to get movies made. It’s a huge luxury. Who gets to just make movies? That subject is so prevalently everywhere right now and it’s boring.”

In Kristen Stewart’s defense, she does know boring. I mean she’s redefines the meaning of the word with every new performance she does.

And here’s KStew at the Sundance premiere of her movie working a hairstyle that’s messier than her thoughts on gender equality.

Pics: Getty

If Wilma Flinstone got addicted to crack, was dumped by Fred Flinstone and had to support her habit by selling ass near the quarry, this is the beautiful dress she’d wear during her day shift.

As Rob Kartrashian pissed off his family of fame whores by bumping his chichis against their enemy’s naked body, his ex Rita Whora displayed the picture perfect portrait of sophistication at the Atelier Versace show in Paris. I know that Donatella Versace regularly churns out ho shit couture that makes the hooker dresses on DiscountStripper.com look like they came from Princess Diana’s closet, but this is a whole new level of class.

That wreck of a dress probably costs more than Rita’s album sales combined, but it still looks like it was slapped together using fabric scraps from Jo-Ann’s and bloody tape worms that were dipped in glitter. With that being said, this is the best Rita Ora has ever looked and those exquisite shoes look like they were made with soggy wet Cheetos. Rita is risking getting her ankles gnawed off by Brit Brit Spears, but that’s a small price to pay to look this refined and demure.

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash