Leave It To Charli XCX To Give You Ten Tons Of Drunk 90s Bride At The amfAR Gala

/ February 11, 2016

Charli XCX, who you may remember as the Tai to Iggy Azalea’s Cher, has been slowly inching her way into the Red Carpet Fuckery Hall of Fame for a while now. She’s slithered onto the red carpet looking like sloppy n’ slutty Morticia Addams. She showed up to last year’s Grammys looking like a rode-hard put-away-wrecked Super Star Ken doll.

And last night she proved she still really really wants a permanent spot in the Most Committed wing by sashaying onto the red carpet of the amfAR New York Gala looking like a picture of your messiest cousin from her first wedding in 1992 right before she threw a glass of wine in the groom’s face during a slow-dance to “Secret Lovers.

Continue reading

Read more…

Liam Neeson Isn’t Dating An “Incredibly Famous” Woman, Or So He Wants Us To Think

/ February 11, 2016

“You see this rolled-up magazine? My dick game trumps this bitch.” – Liam Neeson in that picture, obviously.

During an interview with The Irish Independent, Liam Neeson was asked he’s dating anyone and he casually said that he’s seeing an incredibly famous woman. Liam said he was too embarrassed to name her incredibly famous name. The guessing game started! Jezebel even joked that Liam was eating Kristen Stewart’s box in the back of a MINI Cooper because they were both papped leaving the same restaurant on the same night. The Mirror picked up Jezebel’s joke and put it out there as a serious question. Gossip Cop later shocked everyone by saying that Kristen Stewart’s puss is not sucking on Liam’s Evian bottle dick. But well, now UsWeekly is trying to kill the fun by saying that Liam was just telling jokes.

An insider tells Us Weekly exclusively that the Taken 3 star, 63, “was just joking.”

Uh huh, that’s what a dude who accidentally let it slip that he’s dating an incredibly famous woman would say. I bet that the incredibly famous woman he’s regularly fucking called him from the hospital (where she’s recovering from getting her cervix smashed to smithereens by his typhoon-class peen) and told him to make the story go away, because an incredibly famous woman like her wants to keep things private. That’s totally something an incredibly famous woman would do too.

And here’s pictures of my guess for Liam’s incredibly famous piece, Chicken Cutlets, posing with chicken cutlets in a highly artistic grocery store photo shoot. Ginger hotness can be found in your grocer’s refrigerator section.

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

Read more…

Meryl Streep Just Solved The Diversity Problem With A Few Words!

/ February 11, 2016

Meryl Streep is getting torn apart today and everyone is screaming “FINISH HER!” at her ass because of some words she spit out at a press conference for the Berlin International Film Festival. And yes, at the Oscars later this month, Meryl Streep will receive an honorary Oscar for Best Oscar Winner To Get Torn To Fucking Shreds On Twitter.

Continue reading

Read more…

Kanye West Is Looking For Someone To Invest $100 Million In His Clothing Line

/ February 11, 2016

Do you make terrible decisions with money? Do you have an extra $100 million lying around? Then why not call up Kanye West (1-800-ASSPLAY) with the good news that you’re willing to dump a fuckload of cash into his insanely overpriced hobo ballerina clothing line, Yeezy.

According to Page Six, Kanye has been going door to door asking for $100 million so he can take Yeezy from joke to joke with more exposure. So far, Kanye has hit up the CEO of LVMH (which owns Louis Vuitton, Dior, and Marc Jacobs) and Chris Burch (who launched Tory Burch), both of whom probably responded by cackling “Hard pass!” before slamming the door. Kanye also hired a company called Relativity Fashion last year to help him find investors, but that dream died when they filed for Chapter 11 in July.

I’m sure you’re wondering why he doesn’t just text his wife and ask if she can spare a couple million from her monthly Botox fund. Well, he might have to resort to that sooner than later, considering he’s apparently already sunk a whole lot of his own money into Yeezy. A source says:

“Kanye is spending a lot of money. He thinks on a big scale and is currently paying for everything himself. He needs a backer to help him achieve the kind of fashion-world domination he is aiming for.”

How much money does Kanye need for that shit? His fashion shows take place in an empty warehouse, he gets a 10% family discount on his models from Kris Jenner’s Rent-A-Wreck, and all the clothes look like they were made from old sleeping bags and slightly-irregular pantyhose stolen from a L’Eggs factory outlet store. I’m not good at math, but that’s like, $100.

At least now the audience will understand when Kanye closes the Yeezy fashion show this afternoon with models passing around a donation plate. “Please give to the Church of Yeezus Christ. Every dollar helps.

Pic: Wenn.com

Read more…

Hot Slut Of The Day!

/ February 11, 2016

The metal ball necklace!

In the 90s, we didn’t clutch our pearls. We clutched our metal balls. We walked around looking like the Tin Man busted one all over our necks. Anybody who was an edgy, hard anarchist and listened to genuine punk music from Save Ferris, No Doubt and The Ataris (and later Sum 41 and Avril Lavigne) wore metal ball jewelry. Posers got theirs at Hot Topic, but real punk bitches, like my friend and I, got our ball chain from Home Depot!

I used to have several metal ball bracelets and necklaces, but I lost most of them throughout the years. I still have a bracelet and every now and again, I pull it out and think about wearing it. Because it reminds me of better times when some of us let it be known that we were always ready for some anal bead action. I mean, I still keep anal beads in my pocket just in case, but back in the late-90s we wore them proudly!

Pic: Subject To Fashion

Read more…
SHARE

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >