Leonardo DiCaprio Added Another Award To His Trophy Case This Weekend

/ February 15, 2016

Who am I kidding? Unless it’s a statue of a little naked gold man covering his junk with a sword, that award is going straight in the trash. No, I’m sure Leonardo DiCaprio was very happy to win his very first BAFTA this weekend. After all, it gave him an opportunity to practice his “OMG really? Me?” face for the Oscars.

So, as if you couldn’t have already guessed by all your grizzly bear friends going crazy on your Facebook timeline last night, The Revenant won a whole mess of BAFTAs. Cold Sad Leo took home the award for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Cinematography, Best Sound, but most importantly, Best Actor for Leo. This is also the closest Leo has gotten to winning all five of the most important acting awards. I swear to god, if for some reason Leo doesn’t win Best Actor at the Academy Awards and it turns out that this awards season has been one long Carrie-style prank, then everybody in the Dolby Theatre better say goodbye to their loved ones, because Leo will set them all on fire with his mind.

But something even more exciting than winning an award happened to Leo last night. That’s right, he got to kiss on Dame Maggie Smith!

I was chasing the Tylenol lizard last night (aka I was sick), so I didn’t watch the BAFTAs. But it looks like I clearly should have. I didn’t know they got all horny and made out at these things. If the Oscars wants people to stick around and watch all 1,824 hours of that shit, they should really borrow from the BAFTAs and throw in a mid-show make-out break. And if they really want those Nielsen ratings, they could change it from kissing to full-on fucking. “Sure, whatever it takes to get that Oscar” said Leo, as he mentally prepared to fuck the middle-aged puppet from Anomalisa.

Here’s more of Leo with his Valentine (an award) in the BAFTAs press room with a teeny-tiny Tom Cruise and the angel that has made all his award season dreams come true, Alejandro Iñárritu.

Pics: Wenn.com

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

/ February 15, 2016

Cindy Crawford as Slutty George Washington!

It’s President’s Day in the US and I’m sure many of you are celebrating George Washington’s born day by buying 20 percent off towels on Macy’s website in between sleeping off the hangover you got from partying (read: crying yourself to sleep) with your soulmate (read: a bottle of Tito’s) on Valentine’s Day night. Yes, I just described my VD night in detail. While cuddling with my soulmate (read: drying my tears on a half-empty bottle of Tito’s while spooning with it under the covers) last night, I remembered that today was President’s Day. And since my mind is pretty much always stuck in the 80s and 90s, when I think about George Washington, I think about Cindy Crawford wearing his favorite summertime outfit (a waistcoat, breeches and a ruffled, satin crop top) on the cover of George magazine.

As most of us know, George magazine was John F. Kennedy Jr.’s attempt to make politics ~cool~ and ~young~. Its first issue came out in September 1995 and after JFK Jr.’s death in 1999, it went on without him but eventually stopped publishing in 2001. Cindy Crawford as Georgina Washington was on the first cover and I remember it being a big deal. A naked Kate Moss as Eve, Drew Barrymore as JFK Jr.’s daddy’s side boo Marilyn Monroe and Claudia Schiffer in nothing but a Clinton/Gore sash were also on the cover of George, but Cindy’s ass is the most memorable one. Oh, the 90s were a simpler time when the sight of Cindy Crawford as a sexy Washington got a lot of attention. If George was still around today, this month’s cover would probably feature Kylie Jenner dressed up as a slutty cherry tree and Tyga (in George Washington drag) trying to chop her down with his peen disguised as an axe.

On that note, Happy President’s Day, everyone!

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Birthday Sluts

/ February 15, 2016

Alex Borstein (43)
Greer Grammer (24)
Amber Riley (30)
Selita Ebanks (33)
Jenna Morasca (35)
Conor Oberst (36)
Brandon Boyd (40)
Miranda July (42)
Sarah Wynter (43)
Renee O’Connor (45)
Birdman (47)
Gloria Trevi (48)
Jane Child (49)
Michael Easton (49)
Janice Dickinson (61)
Christopher McDonald (61)
Matt Groening (62)
Jane Seymour (65)
Melissa Manchester (65)
Marisa Berenson (69)

Pic: Getty

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Open Post: Hosted By Katy Perry Wearing A Lot Of “Girl, No” Last Night

/ February 14, 2016

Let me preface this read by stating I am sitting here in an Old Navy tee I probably bought in 2008 and ill-fitting jeans from Target. (I originally had on some Yeezy Season 3 but I changed.) Now that I’ve admitted that I am the sartorial equivalent of Applebees, let’s proceed.

Fresh from wearing my dog to the Adele concert on Friday night, Katy Perry showed up to the Creators Party at LA’s Cicada last night dressed like this. She probably should have moved on to my other dog cuz’ this is a right mess. She looks like a low-rent drag princess evoking Erotica-era Madge on a budget. That’s ok for a drag princess but this one has “Firework” money.

The real look last night was Elle King’s ginger date dressed like a hipster equestrian. That’s what you go out in. Not Gay Bavaria.

Check out more pics from the Creators Party in the gallery below. Please pay special attention to Sia because that’s obviously what she’s looking for.

Pics: Splash

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Lady Gaga Got A Pre-Grammys Tattoo Of David Bowie

/ February 14, 2016

Fashion Cuisinart Lady Gaga got the dearly departed David Bowie’s face etched on her torso in advance of tomorrow night’s Grammys tribute. Stefani opted for the Aladdin Sane-version Bowie. You can watch her receive her ink in the vid below. I’ve never gotten a tattoo. But it can’t be a pleasant angel kiss. She seems really sedate. Stefani is way tougher than me. Repeatedly stab me in the ribs with a needle and I’m leaving.

Although whatever the hell she took before this event might still be assisting her with pain management.

Gaga announced her latest body art on Snapchat (via People), noting that “this was the image that changed my life,” and rightly proclaiming “Hail Mary full of grace Saint Bowie.” It’s hard for me to bag on her because Bowie is still dead and it’s just not right.

For an up-close look at Bowie’s face on Gaga’s bod, click below.

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