It was a little over three years ago when Liberty Ross filed for divorce from director Rupert Sanders after he got caught munching on Kristen Stewart’s twat in a Mini Cooper. After the paps caught Rupert taking his tongue to Kristen Stewart’s pussy town in her Mini Cooper, Liberty tried to make it work with him for the sake of their children, but they eventually got divorced. Well, those sad days are long, long behind Liberty and I’m sure she barely thought of that bad time in her life as sparkling dollar signs, I mean, sparkling hearts filled her eyes when she married almost-billionaire turtle Jimmy Iovine over the weekend.

The Daily Mail has pictures of 37-year-old Liberty marrying 62-year-old music mogul Jimmy Iovine on a beach in Malibu on Saturday afternoon. It was just a casual ceremony and at one point, a sky writer messed up by writing “J Heart M” instead of “J Heart L.” Liberty could have taken that as a bad omen, but she laughed it off, because who cares. Bitch is beyond rich now. The beach wedding was just for their close family and friends. Yesterday, on Valentine’s Day, they went all out by throwing a party at David Geffen’s mansion.

Since everyone is in L.A. for the Grammys tonight, everyone was at Jimmy and Liberty’s wedding party. The 300 guests included: Oprah, her boo Stedman Graham, her other boo Gayle King, Pharrell Williams, Ellen DeGeneres, Portia de Rossi, Eminem, Tom Hanks, Rita Wilson, Brian Grazer, Paul McCartney, Rupert Murdoch, Gwen Stefani, Blake Shelton, Stevie Nicks, Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz. Lady Gaga, Tony Bennett and Mary J. Blige performed at the reception. All of them women were also told to wear red since it was VD.

That wedding sounds like what a gold digger dreams of when she closes her eyes at night. Not only did Liberty Ross marry a guy who is worth around $970 million, but the reception was filled with so many rich bitches. I bet that instead of the guests pinning dollars to her dress during the money dance, they swiped their black AMEX on a credit card machine strapped to her dress. And I also bet that during the reception, Liberty raised a glass and said, “Thank you to Kristen Stewart’s pussy, because if it wasn’t for my asshole ex licking on you in a Mini Cooper, I may not have upgraded and been living a lavish life today. To KStew’s snatch!”

And here’s riveting pictures of David Geffen’s twink toy lair and pictures of guests in cars.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Any way to make a little extra cash, I guess. I’m joking, of course; as fas as I know, Kanye West hasn’t released a line of formal pantyhose refugee rags. I do, however, know that Rooney Mara’s Mad Max-meets-washing your dirty lace panties in the sink look from the BAFTAs last night is courtesy of Kanye’s best boo Riccardo Tisci and Givenchy, which actually makes a lot of sense.

I bet this dress started out as a sketch for a normal red carpet gown, but then Riccardo made the mistake of showing it to Kanye during one of their Friday night No Kims Allowed sleepovers in France. That’s when Kanye whipped out his favorite beige marker and book of funeral home curtain samples and turned it into the decomposing hobo bride couture you see above. And of course Rooney loved it, because she loves looking like a haunted vintage doll on prom night.

Rooney Mara wasn’t the only one who showed up to the British Oscars looking like a damp mess. Her Carol co-star Cate Blanchett, who usually gives ten tons of WTF excellence, showed up in some kind of tapestry on the top/goth Christmas Tree garland on the bottom thing. Although it does look like her tapestry is spreading down her body like an expensive rash, and Rich Lady Rash is a look I can get behind.

Here’s more fancy-dressed famous types from last night, including Kate Winslet looking like a chick whose goal is to bang Gordon Gekko and Kate Capshaw giving you “I cut my bangs in the limo on the ride over!” realness.

Pics: Wenn.com

Dear producers of the Golden Globes, please have a kiss cam at next year’s ceremony, because you know those drunk wrecks would tongue fuck like there’s no tomorrow and it’d make that show a million times more entertaining. P.S. – Make sure Idris Elba and Alexander Skarsgard are seated next to each other and make sure the kiss cam lands on them as much as possible.

At the beginning of the BAFTAs last night, host Stephen Fry told the audience that a kiss cam was making the rounds and he tried to get the famous tricks in the audience to touch lips. Even Leonardo DiCatchAHo was a good sport about it and played along. He went against everything he believes in by kissing a woman who isn’t a 24-year-old blonde bikini model. But real-life couple Alicia Vikander and Michael Fassbender poo poo’d on the kiss cam and refused to suck face. The moment was apparently so awkward that it got cut for viewers. Boring hos!

Each reacted with various degrees of enthusiasm: some responded with a polite peck on the cheek, an actorly faux make-out, the full goods, or an (awkward) flat-out refusal.

First victims were the only real life couple Fry preyed upon; nominees Michael Fassbender and Alicia Vikander. Famously private in their relationship, the pair refused to kiss for their host and left the air hanging with discomfort. So awkward, in fact, that it was cut out of the BBC One broadcast of the show.

But seriously, I’m with Alicia Vikander. If I was her and was sitting next to Michael Assbender, I wouldn’t waste my time or mess up my lipstick for the dumb, stupid kiss cam. I’d save my energy for when the suck that dick cam landed on us.

Pics: Wenn.com

If you’re on Twitter, then you most likely have been called something like a “dumb useless cunt fuck who needs to fall into a hole” at least once. It’s practically a rite of passage on Twitter. “Dumb useless cunt fuck who needs to fall into a hole” is even pretty mild for Twitter. So when I read that people on Twitter were OUTRAGED over Stephen Fry saying that costume designer Jenny Beavan dressed like a “bag lady,” I figured there was more to it and that he called her something really offensive and cruel like: “A bag lady…who genuinely loves and admires the Kardashians.” But all he said was that she was dressed like a “bag lady” and it ended with him hitting the delete button on his Twitter account.

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Two things happened at the BAFTAs last night that made everyone present whisper “Well, I wasn’t expecting that to happen” to person sitting beside them. The first one was that Leonardo DiCaprio put his mouth on a woman 56 years older than his usual bone by date. The second one was that Rebel Wilson came out as a proud member of #OscarsWhoGivesAFuck.

Before she presented the award for Best Supporting Actor, Fat Amy pulled out a piece of paper and gave a sarcasm-dipped statement about how it’s so great to be here “at this very serious event” (the Coen Brothers just fell in love), adding that she’s never been invited to the Oscars, because “they are racist.” She also made a joke about “transgendered face” and getting the vapors for Idris Elba because she’s sociologically programmed to “want chocolate on Valentine’s Day.” I’m pretty sure that’s an Internet Outrage Bingo?

On a scale from Charlotte Rampling to Emma Thompson, I guess Rebel’s speech falls somewhere between…I’m not sure, really. I still don’t know what she was trying to say, but that’s my fault. I got distracted by that “diverse members” comment, and my brain hasn’t been able to focus anything but the mental image of a well-stocked dick buffet ever since.

Here’s more of Rebel wearing some kind of church choir director mullet dress at the BAFTAs last night.

Pics: Wenn.com

And this goes without typing, but your thoughts about Kanye West’s latest Twitter rant of insanity are best expressed through the face that North West is making in that picture. (Side note: She’s probably really making that face because she can’t with her parents making her wear another jacket made out of Fizzgig’s slaughtered relatives.)

Ever since Kanye West has started promoting his new album, his Twitter page has really, really turned into “shit a schizophrenic homeless man screams about on a NYC subway train during rush hour on a Monday morning.” It’s always kind of been like that, but Kanye has taken it to new levels of crazy. Kanye klaimed on Twitter that he’s as broke as Pimp Mama Kris’ sense of dignity, because being the greatest artiste of all-time has put him in debt by as much as $53 million. And last night, he went on an insane Twitter rant that made us all say, “Hmmm, I didn’t know that Tila Tequila was Kanye West’s ghost tweeter.”

Kanye wants Mark Zuckerberg and all of the other tech richies in Silicone Valley to stop building schools in Africa and give him $1 billion to make art because he’s our modern day Walt Disney or something. Who cares about the needy children in Africa! What the world really needs is more leather jogging pants and overpriced ugly sneakers! At first I thought that Kanye panhandling on the Internet was PMK’s influence at work, but even she is more subtle with her schemes. Many of Kanye’s brain-melting tweets are after the cut. Part of me thinks he’s got a PhD in grand master trolling and is putting it to good use. The other part of me thinks that being locked up with those Kartrashians has made whatever is left of his sanity slide into a dark, scary place that strangely enough looks a lot like the space between Kim Kartrashian’s ass cheeks.

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