The NASCAR Sprint Cup Series Daytona 500, Central East Florida’s second-classiest annual event (the first being Daytona Beach Bike Week, obviously), happened this weekend. Thanks to Page Six, I learned that there’s always a grand marshal at the Daytona 500. I’m sure they would have loved to get someone who truly embodies the spirit of Daytona Beach, but sadly The Gronk was out of town. Instead, they got Gerard Butler. And shock of all shocks, one of the first things Grand Marshal Butler did was hit on someone.

A source tells Page Six that Horny Gerry was seen working his sexy Scottish game on 22-year-old model Charlotte McKinney (on the left). If that name isn’t ringing a bell, you might know her as Michael calls her: the big-tittied blond model who isn’t Kate Upton. Now, as of December, Charlotte was dating Stephen Dorff. But that didn’t stop Gerard from trying to get her number. Gerard’s boner knows no loyalty!

No word on whether or not he got her number. Since it’s Gerard Butler we’re talking about, it’s safe to assume he probably ended up passed out ass-naked in his hotel room next to someone.

However, that picture of Charlotte in her extremely tasteful white formal romper (too tasteful for a NASCAR event if you ask me) sitting with John Cena and Gerard gives us all the clues we need. The answer to the question “Did Gerard get her number?” is…of course he didn’t! And it’s pretty obvious why. If you’re going to scribble your digits on anyone’s palm, it’s going to belong to that dreamy jorts-wearing bundle of muscles John Cena.

Pic: Getty

The last time I had Burger King, it ended with the plumber declaring my toilet dead before taking it out on a stretcher. So I don’t really mess with Burger King anymore, but I am all for this commercial masquerading as a training video of the legendary Charo teaching employees how to make their new grilled salchicha.

Burger King is trying to act like this training video, and the one starring Snoop Dogg, were used for internal purposes only, but they decided to release them to the public due to popular demand. Burger King has regularly pulled at our bowels, but now they’re pulling our dicks. This is obviously a commercial and the whole “training video” thing is their gimmick for this campaign. You don’t spends tens of millions of dollars  (I’m grossly underestimating) on hiring Charo for a video that you only plan to use in-house. Charo is a sequined sparkler that must be shared with the world at large! Note: Don’t ask me what’s going on in this video, because I don’t know either. Just take in the brilliance of it all.

I also don’t know what “I got bumps all over my goose” means. But I’m going to take a wild guess and say that eating Burger King’s grilled hot dog has made Charo’s culo culo twitch in a major way. And I really hate Burger King now, because they’ve caused me to talk about Charo’s bowel movements.

via @CharoCuchiCuchi

Adam Levine saw Ben Affleck’s Meat Loaf album cover back tattoo and raised him a cross-eyed mermaid angel of death.

The peroxide-dipped douche and his wife Behati Prinsloo both posted pictures on Instagram of the enormous tattoo he got inked into his back. Adam says that it took a total of 6 months for a tattoo artiste to create the work that looks like something an emo 8th grader would draw on his paper bag book cover with a Sharpie during homeroom. It’s very “The Little Mermaid as reimagined by Ed Hardy.”

It’s Adam’s body so if he wants to cover his back with a portrait of the fish bird baby that Bruce Willis and Demi Moore made while bareback fucking on a toxic waste dump, then I say okay. But if he’s into pegging, then my thoughts and prayers are with Behati. Because while she’s taking a strap-on to that ass, she has to deal with the flying mermaid girl throwing her judgmental looks.

You know, if I was going to get a humongous tattoo on my back, I’d get the In-N-Out regular menu and secret menu tattooed into my skin. That way when my piece is hitting it from the back, he can decide what he wants to order for our after sex time meal. I’m considerate like that.

Pics: Instagram 

Rooney Mara could fill a football stadium with the hate she’s received from playing the whitest-looking Tiger Lily ever in Joe Wright’s Peter Pan flop called Pan. A little while after the movie was released, Rooney said that she was sorry you felt it was weird that a white Victorian ghost played a Native American character. Now that the dust has settled a bit, she has more to say. Except this time, she wants you to know that it wasn’t really whitewashing because the real Tiger Lily isn’t even Native American.

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Somebody make Paul Rodriguez a protective armor suit out of Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa and other anti-depressants, because John Travolta and Tom Cruise are gonna git him for talking trash about an ALLEGED down-low member of their gang of crazy.

The comedian and star of The Golden Girls (Note: He was only in one episode, but anybody who was part of that national treasure wants to forever be known as “star of The Golden Girls.”) was doing an interview on Rock 105.3’s The Show (via NYDN) in San Diego when he brought up working with Will Smith. Paul did 1993’s Made In America with Will Smith and said that went smooth. But when they worked on 2001’s Ali together, it was so bad that Paul declared that he’ll never work with Will Smith again. “More like you’re never going to work in this town again, trick,” said Will Smith right before he put Paul’s name on the official Hollywood blacklist under The Original Aunt Viv.

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Casey Affleck, an actor who you may know as Ben Affleck’s brother or Jimmy’s friend Russell from To Die For (probably the second one), is currently in a movie called Triple 9. And just like every actor trying to get asses in theater seats, Casey is hustling Triple 9 on the talk show circuit. The only problem is that it appears Casey would rather clean the crotch sweat stains out of his big brother’s Batman suit than have to make small talk about his movie to Stephen Colbert.

Casey was on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert last night, and you could feel the “I don’t want to be here” vibes right away. Casey looked like a hungover supply teacher (Note from Michael: That’s “substitute teacher” to us ‘Muricans) who is counting down the seconds till he can throw on a DVD full of Heritage Minutes and take a nap in his car. Or as Stephen Colbert observed, a “street corner Jesus.” Casey didn’t like Stephen’s comments about his clothes. But Stephen kept going, because he left all his fucks in his old office at Comedy Central.

Eventually Stephen moved on from Casey’s hobo Stu Pickles cosplay, but it didn’t get any less awkward. Behold, all five minutes and fifty-four seconds of Casey Affleck’s living nightmare.

“Those bitches stole our look!” hissed David Letterman and Madonna.

Who knows if Casey’s uncomfortable laughter and over-it silences were the result of his brain telling him he’s too good for this talk show or he was high on prescription-strength Fuckitol or that it was the Triple 9 PR team’s sneaky way of getting some publicity. But there are places out there that are a lot worse for an actor than The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. Like The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. Casey, being called a street corner Jesus is nothing compared to the humiliation of being in one of those Ew! sketches.