Chris Brown Was Slapped With A Restraining Order After Allegedly Making Death Threats To A Woman

/ March 17, 2016

Those two guys standing behind Chris Brown look like what I imagine Chris Brown’s shoulder angel and shoulder devil would look like. On the left is his shoulder angel, silently praying that God relocates him to a new shoulder. On the right is his shoulder devil, and it appears that even his shoulder devil has had enough of Chris Brown’s shit. “Goddamnit, what has he done now?

According to TMZ, Chris Brown has found himself on the receiving end of a temporary restraining order. Shocking, I know. The restraining order comes courtesy of a woman named Danielle Patti, who claims that Chris has been harassing her and making death threats against her on social media. She also says she used to date him. Chris Brown? Angrily turning on a woman he used to date on social media? You don’t say.

This isn’t the first time Chris and Danielle have gotten a third party involved in their drama. Back in December, Chris called the police on Danielle after she refused to leave his property and was charged with criminal trespassing. But according to documents filed by Danielle, it wasn’t like that. Danielle says she wanted to leave, but couldn’t because someone had parked their car in front of hers. She claims she was cleared of the criminal trespassing charges.

A judge says that Chris has to stay 100 yards away from Danielle and can’t have any contact with her on social media. There will be a hearing later this month to determine how permanent the restraining order will be. Yeah, is it really necessary to have a hearing? I’m pretty sure the words “Chris Brown” is all the evidence the judge needs to stamp APPROVED on that shit. Speaking of, if Chris Brown wants to save himself some time in the future, he might want to consider keeping a few dozen restraining order application forms at his front door. “Hey, are you on Instagram? You are? In that case, you might want to grab one of those on your way out.

Pic: Wenn.com

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

/ March 17, 2016

Lucky Sprite, Patty O’Green’s sprite from the raver propaganda cartoon series Rainbow Brite!

Patty O’Green was HSOTD a million years ago (7 years to be exact, which is practically a million years in Internet time) and back then I praised her for being the drunk stoner she is, but I wrongly failed to mention her “sprite” Lucky. Rainbow Brite and all of her raver friends each had their own personal sprite who looked like the furry nutsack of a Muppet and whose jobs were to supervise the other like-colored sprites working in the color mines. Lucky’s little sprite bitches mined Patty’s color which was processed into Green Star Sprinkles and spread across the universe to make it a greener place. RainbowBrite.net (aka my new homepage) described Lucky Sprite like this:

Top of the mornin’ to ya! 🙂 My name’s Lucky! Guess which Color Kid I stick by the most? Yup! Patty O’Green! She’s the greatest! I love mining green Color Crystals in the Color Caves. Rainbow uses them for so many things to make the world beautiful! Trees, grass, frogs – where would we be without the color green?? I’ve also been known to be a “good luck charm” so stick with me and things’ll go your way! 🙂

So in other words, “sprite” is a cutesy and whimsical name for dealer.

But where would we be without green? I’d have a lot more free time since I probably wouldn’t spend hours upon hours binge-watching She-Ra episodes. Seth Rogen wouldn’t have much of a career and Frito-Lay would have to stop making BBQ-flavored Fritos due to low sales. We would be nothing without green. So thank you Lucky Sprite and Patty O’Green for spreading the beautiful, beautiful green!

Happy St. Patrick’s Day to us all!

Pic: Pasnack

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Birthday Sluts

/ March 17, 2016

Patrick Duffy (67)
John Boyega (24)
Hozier (26)
Mason Musso (27)
Grimes (28)
Rob Kardashian (29)
CoCo (37)
Stormy Daniels (37)
Tamar Braxton (39)
Brittany Daniel (40)
Cynthia Daniel (40)
Justin Hawkins (41)
Natalie Zea (41)
Marisa Coughlan (42)
Caroline Corr (43)
Mia Hamm (44)
Matthew St. Patrick (48)
Billy Corgan (49)
Rob Lowe (52)
Vicki Lewis (56)
Gary Sinise (61)
Lesley-Anne Down (62)
Kurt Russell (65)

Pic: Amazon

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Night Crumbs

/ March 16, 2016

Meanwhile during RiRi’s ANTI show in Miami, she butt humped Drake’s crotch as he looked like he came so hard that his jizz load ricocheted off of his pants and went back up his peen slit. And what in Boca Raton grandma at the club hell is he wearing? – Lainey Gossip 

Yolanda Hadid refused to talk about a part of her personal life on the reunion of a reality show that supposedly shows her personal life – Reality Tea 

It’s Pippi Cheetostocking, bitch! – The Superficial 

And send him to the gallows after this” whispered Prince William into the ear of one of his minions after a reporter asked him about the press calling him a lazy bitch – Celebitchy

Rosie Huntington-Whateverly looks like she’s trying to push out a fart bubble on the cover of Hunger MagazineDrunken Stepfather

Um, someone should tell the demure blossom Alicia Arden that the strings are supposed to go between her butt cheeks, not on them – The Nip Slip 

Hey, Eva Longoria, on a scale of 1 to 5, how much of a bitch was Teri Snatcher to you during Desperate Housewives?” – Popoholic

Kimmy Kartrashian sent Emily Ratatattat a thank you bouquet for defending her naked Real Doll selfie – WWTDD

If I ever find myself on Survivor, I must remember this trick. And yes, I’m sure lemons, metal pins and wire grows on palm trees – Hollywood Tuna 

RIP Person of InterestSOW

I’m still not 100% what an Olly Murs is, but now I know that 20% of him is into dick – Towleroad

Proof that the girl groups of the 90s didn’t fuck around: Scary Spice and a member of All Saints got into a bathroom beatdown once – OMG Blog

The first trailer for the Ben-Hur remake nobody asked for is out and my b-hole didn’t pucker once, which means it needs about 1000% more gayness in it – Just Jared

In November, The Nanny should cross out every the name of every presidential candidate on her ballot and write “Mr. Sheffield” – Boy Culture

Fifty Shades of Baby Barf: Jamie Dornan is a dad again – Popsugar

This is the Airbnb of my 6-year-old self’s dreams – The Berry 

Pic: Getty

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Open Post: Hosted By The Bulldog Who Knows The Truth About Ladders

/ March 16, 2016

Ladders are shifty bitches. They always have been. They raise you up, only to bring you down. Do you know why you usually have to ask a friend to hold down a ladder for you while you’re on one? Because those shady assholes can’t be trusted and have been known to knock a trick off of them. You get on one and you risk breaking your ass and breaking your ass is not good for anybody’s social life. You get under one and you risk 7 years of bad juju. They are the work of the devil. Bentley the Bulldogs knows what I’m talking about.

Bentley sees ladders for the untrustworthy sons of bitches they are. A human took this video of Bentley coming up against a two-faced ladder and an electrical cord. Bentley is scared of electrical cords too. (Now, that’s weird!) Bentley carefully walks past his fears, but he knows that one shouldn’t keep their back to evil ladders, so he turns around and does the backward stroll to safety. Watch and learn. This is how everyone should deal with ladders:

And believe it or not, this mini-rant against ladders was not co-written by weed.

via HuffPo

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