And Kylie Jenner Will Get Knocked Up In 3…2……

/ May 6, 2016

You better slip on a pair of extra thick heat-resistant socks before you put your feet on the ground, because the flames of Hell are probably shooting up high as Lucifer celebrates the fact that his proudest creation Pimp Mama Kris is getting another family member to pimp out.

Blac Chyna is knocked up and is growing a Keeping Up with the Kardashians spin-off show and a Twitter trending topic in her silicone-encrusted womb, and she was planning to make the announcement on Mother’s Day. But someone decided to beat Angela Kardashian to the STUNT QUEEN punch and called up TMZ. Hmmm, I wonder who did that? Kut to PMK whispering her latest attention-getting news into Harvey Levin’s ear while sipping their morning cup of piping hot virgin’s blood together.

TMZ’s sources say that months ago, Blac Chyna straddled her fiancé Rob Kardashian’s naked body, pushed back his FUPA and he humped a baby into her. She’s apparently a few months knocked up. She’s already got a 3-year-old son named King Cairo with Tyga.

After TMZ broke the news that PMK is going to be somebody’s grandma for the 6th time, Blac Chyna pretty much confirmed it by burping up this on Instagram:

👶🏽🎉

A photo posted by www.Lashedbar.co (@blacchyna) on

Blac Chyna recently posed for photo-op selfies with Kylie Jenner and PMK, and she hung out with Kim Kartrashian not too long ago, so it looks like they all made up for the sake of the child that’s going to get them even more attention. Touching, I know.

And if Wite Chyna (aka Kylie Jenner) ever marries the tattooed salamander (aka Tyga), King Cairo and Rob and Blac Chyna’s unborn baby will be cousins AND siblings, right? It’s Friday and I don’t need to bruise whatever is left of my brain on trying to figure that out, so can someone please update that Kardashian flow-chart?

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Here’s pictures from over a week ago of Rob, Blac Chyna and Kim hitting the ho stroll in Beverly Hills to celebrate the creation of Koryea Kardashian. (You know that’s what Chyna is going to name their child.)

Pics: Wenn.com

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The Year Is 2016 And I’ve Written A Post About Kenny Chesney Being The Second Biggest Money-Maker In Music 

/ May 6, 2016

It feels like I haven’t written about Kenny Chesney since the Renee Zellweger days when their 6-minute-long marriage ended in “fraud” and he blamed it on his “box” being too full at the time and not being able to handle all of the attention from the media. I don’t know if Kenny’s box is still full, but I do know that his bank accounts are overflowing with dollars the same way your panties are overflowing with twatty leche from looking at that picture of him in that hot sleeveless T.

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JLo Goes Retro For The “Ain’t Your Mama” Video

/ May 6, 2016

Jennifer Lopez has released the video for “Ain’t Your Mama“, and she got in her way way back machine and went girl power vintage for the video. A video that appears to be brought to you by the following companies: Peuterey jackets, Lavazza coffee, xtava hair dryers, Body Lab protein powder, Skinny Stix, Beluga Gold Line vodka and some app called Friendable. There are also so many wigs. But they’re all very necessary to the video, because JLo goes all out with the character work. JLo must have taken a introductory class at The Groundlings, because JLo does so many characters in this video. Let’s meet them all, shall we?

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This Dude Is The New Han Solo

/ May 6, 2016

If you’re a white dude who is under the age of 30, you definitely auditioned to be the young Han Solo in the latest Star Wars spin-off movie. Disney and directors Phil Lord and Christopher Miller auditioned thousands of actors, and after screen tests, they reportedly narrowed it down to a few dudes including Jack Reynor (from Transformers: Age of Extinction), Taron Egerton (from Kingsman: The Secret Service) and Alden Ehrenreich (from Hail Caesar!). Miles Teller, Emory Cohen, Scott Eastwood and Ansel Elgort were also in the mix. Deadline says that in the end, 26-year-old Alden Ehrenreich (a name that makes me glad that the copy + paste function exists) beat out all of those bitches and will inherit Han Solo’s hot vest.

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Justin Timberlake Finally Made A New Song

/ May 6, 2016

Actually, Justin Timberlake’s face above is actually a pretty good description of his new song. It’s a “This isn’t bad” smile that turns into an “Okay, I got the gist of it…you can turn it off now.

Justin Timberlake hasn’t released a new song since 2013, presumably because he was too busy making a baby and teaching said baby to mug for the cameras and training his hair to curl into gorgeous little Ramen ringlets to make new music. After teasing the release of his newest single “Can’t Stop the Feeling” all damn day on Twitter and Instagram (JT acting like he was releasing the damn McRib II or something), he finally threw it up online. Justin recorded “Can’t Stop the Feeling” for the upcoming DreamWorks film Trolls (which Justin also voices a character in), and yeah, it sounds pretty much like something from a DreamWorks movie. I can practically see the animated Troll in a fedora doing that cocky DreamWorks smirk while singing to it.

All those random cameos in that video aren’t actually that random. Gwen Stefani, James Corden, Anna Kendrick, Kunal Nayyar, Ron Funches, and Icona Pop all voice characters in Trolls.

Michael and I talked about this earlier, and his verdict was that it sounded like Bruno Mars meets The Weeknd. Which it absolutely does. It sounds like Pharrell Williams wrote it for Bruno Mars, who passed on it and gave it to The Weekend, who passed on it because it was too vague as to whether or not “the feeling” he was singing about was from cocaine. Then it ended up in Justin Timberlake’s hands, who agreed to do it, because damn if Britney Spears is going to be the only former Mickey Mouse Club member to record a song for a CGI movie about freaky little creatures.

Can’t Stop the Feeling” isn’t the worst song (although I’m sure my opinion will change after I hear it for the 1 billionth time in the mall this summer). But it really seems like a missed opportunity not to have the lead single from a movie called Trolls performed by troll expert Demi Lovato.

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