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Pic: A&F

I’m into Radiohead’s new reaaaaaaaaally long song and video, but I’m wondering when exactly did Thom Yorke start to look like a hungry and homeless Willie Nelson? – The Frisky

It’s Friday and what this Friday really needs is Michael B. Jordan’s hard nips in a sweater – Lainey Gossip 

“Keep your eyes forward, keep your eyes forward, don’t look at The Nanny’s ass, don’t look at The Nanny’s ass…” – Ben Affleck in that picture of he and his family in Paris – Celebitchy

Hide yo jellybeans, Kelly Bensimon may be going back to the Real Drunk Wrecks of New York City – Reality Tea 

Kristen Wiig is either kissing on her shirtless piece in Hawaii or she’s trying to knock water out of his ear – The Superficial 

“That bitch belongs in a trash can instead,” thought Ariel Winter after seeing this picture of Chloe Grace Moretz in InStyle UK – Drunken Stepfather

If I play Ariana Grande Latte’s song backwards, I’m sure I’ll hear her chant, “Down with donuts! Down with America! Praise Satan!” – Towleroad

NO = Emma Roberts with a hair full of ginger – Popoholic

I don’t know what’s more offensive: The girl Power Rangers wearing wedges (not even Lucite heels) or their outfits looking like they were made with parts recycled from Iron Man’s suit – OMG Blog

I am all for the Cats movie if Grumpy Cat plays Grizabella – Jezebel

Um, Olivia Culpo is obviously following Madge’s lead and showing her nalgas as a political statement – Hollywood Tuna 

“It’s Sharon Stone, Bitch” is so bad that it makes me want to cleanse my palate with “Bitch, I’m Madonna” – SOW

If Castle doesn’t get dropped in the shit can, Nathan Fillion will be back – Just Jared

Jessica Simpson is giving me “bored housewife taking sexy pics for her husband who’s away on business” – Popsugar

“Take off your chonies!” is what I screamed while scrolling down this post and if that doesn’t sum up how desperate I am, I don’t know what does – The Berry 

It’s about that time to vote on who will join the dog that robbed Joan Collins of her title, Flossie Dickey and Birdie Sanders in the Hot Slut of the Year finals next year. March’s HSOTM showdown is going to confuse the hell out of those of you who only vote for the animals, because we’ve got zero animals this month. We’ve got a librarian who knows how to threaten me with a good time, two sparkling stars in the Prince universe, balls from the 80s I wish I could get teabagged by and a future style icon.

As always, 3 of your choices got the most Facebook likes for the month of March, and the fourth pick is the wild card picked by me. Of course, I picked the piece who knows that you can never go wrong with a crop top. Here’s your choices:

– Margaret Miles, the self-proclaimed “stereotypical librarian” from Jeopardy! who earned a zillion fans by saying that her idea of a fun time is knitting and petting her cats.

– Diamond and Pearl, the 90s precious gemstones who were a part of Prince’s jewelry box of muses.

– Planters Cheez Balls, the 80s balls of fake cheese deliciousness that is still stuck to the roof of some of our mouths.

– Ezekiel Elliott, the NFL’s new midriff king!

The winning HSOTM will be announced next week. The losers will all hold a press conference where they’ll admit defeat before elbowing their spouse in the face.

While Jay Z is reportedly busy working on a reponse to Lemonade (working title: Lemonade Stand By Your Woman If She’ll Still Let You), the first alleged Becky may have written some emails about Bey-Z that will be released soon. Except it won’t be on purpose, and it will probably make this situation even messier.

According to The Sun (via Page Six), Rachel Roy is sweating a little more than usual today. A source claims that Rachel has recently informed her friends that a whole bunch of private information has been stolen from a file on her computer. Some of that information includes emails that she’s afraid may get her a whole lot of unwanted attention if they get out. No word on how they were stolen or by whom or if several CCT security cameras have recently caught a woman in a yellow coffee filter dress and a ski mask slinking around Rachel Roy’s building.

The source doesn’t get into what’s in those emails that could possibly make so much trouble for Rachel. Rachel has already denied that she ever did anything with Bey’s husband, so it can’t be dirty emails from jayz@tidal.com, right? Maybe she’s freaking out because some of those emails are between her and someone else’s husband? Or maybe those emails contain information far more humiliating and shameful, like a whole bunch of emails informing her that no one has accepted her LinkedIn invitations yet.

Regardless of what kind of incriminating evidence is in those emails, Rachel might want to grab a few extra epi-pens or whatever you use to treat bee stings. If I know The Beyhive, it doesn’t take much to set them off. “This email is addressed to a Jayden Zander. Jayden Zander is totally an alias for Jay Z! DEFEND THE QUEEN!”

Pic: Wenn.com

Yes, that is a picture of Harry Styles’ cut-off hair. Believe it or not, it’s not a picture of an electrocuted rat or Mr. Hankey in a fur coat made of frazzled horse hair.

A highly important moment in hairstory happened recently when Harry Styles became Not-As-Harry Styles by taking a machete to the glorious split ends wonderland on top of his head. Harry posted a picture on Instagram of his hand holding onto what looks like a dehydrated pony’s tail that is in dire need of an IV drip full of Gatorade. Harry posted this caption with the pic:

Whoops. #Littleprincesstrust

The Little Princess Trust is like Locks of Love. It’s a charity that gives real hair wigs to children with cancer.

I’m wondering why Harry didn’t auction off his hair and give the money to charity instead. There’s definitely thousands upon thousands of Directioners who would sell everything they own and steal from their own family members to buy it. Maybe Harry didn’t do that, because he knows what kind of sucio things they’d do to his hair. I don’t even know to know, but I’m assuming it involves Googling the question, “What type of resin do I use to turn a ponytail of hair into a dildo?”

And here’s pictures from earlier this year of Harry Styles’ stunning mane of Crisco beauty. RIP Harry Styles’ hairy fall of greasiness.

Pics: Wenn.com

“Let me no if u need n e help turning yr wedding in2 an expensive spectacle! I’m pretty shure I still got at least one of my wedding planning binders around here sumwhere.“…is a text Brody Jenner might receive from his former step-sister Kim Kardashian if they were on speaking terms. Who am I kidding? She’s too busy popping bottles of sparkling Botox in honor of Blac Chyna getting their family ten tons of attention today to know about Brody’s news.

Back in the mid-to-late 2000s it felt like Brody Jenner – who was still just Brody Jenner of The Hills and not Brody Jenner of That Awful Family – dated everyone. He was linked to Kristin Cavallari, Nicole Richie, Lauren Conrad, Jayde Nicole, Avril Lavigne, Paris Hilton, and Haylie Duff. Brody’s penis has seen more mid-to-late 2000s famous cooch than a Kitson dressing room. But for the past three years, he’s been with a chick named Kaitlynn Carter. And earlier today, he announced on Instagram that they’re getting married.

“On May 4th 2016 I got engaged to my lover and my best friend @kaitlynn_carter. I couldn’t be more in love with this woman and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with her.”

Oh gross, “lover“? Can you get an engagement annulled? No, using the word “lover” isn’t that bad. It’s not good either, but whatever. It does make sense that Brody would call Kaitlynn his “lover“, since their thing is fucking a lot.

No word on when this wedding will happen, or if it will be taped for a very special episode of KUWTK or I Am Cait. But let’s be honest, it totally will. I hope Brody’s future wife is ok with her wedding to turn into the ME ME ME! show starring Caitlyn Jenner, Kylie Jenner, Kendall Jenner, and the rest of the Krew (if they’re invited). I know your name starts with a K, Kaitlynn, but as long as there are kameras around, it’s not your day.

In the event you’d like to see what the front of Kaitlynn’s face looks like, here she is with Brody at an event in Las Vegas a few months ago.

Pics: Instagram, Wenn.com