Today was day 3 of the Invictus Games in Orlando, FL and after the swimming relay team from Britain won the gold medal, they all gathered around and got Prince Hot Ginge wet. I’m going to keep from commenting on that picture, because Dlisted is already blocked in a lot of places for being HIGHLY inappropriate, and if I describe that pic, this mess of a site will definitely be labeled as 100% porn. So I’ll just leave that beautiful picture here. But I will say that you should be grateful that it’s a digital picture and that I didn’t give you a hard copy. Because if it was a hard copy, you’d definitely have to clean it with antibacterial Windex. You know, you should go ahead and spray your screen with antibacterial Windex anyway. Just in case.

Pics: AP, Splash, Getty

“Is that bitch over there also wearing a choker? Chokers are my thing. Didn’t she get the memo that I’m totally edgy and cool now?”

As Michael reported last month, the home-made Debbie Harry Barbie doll known formally as Taylor Swift received the Taylor Swift Award at the BMI Pop Awards last night. And this is what she wore to collect her award. I know that Taylor Swift recently discovered Tumblr’s interpretation of the ’90s, but there is such a thing as leaning in too hard. It’s like Taylor had a ’90s style checklist and wouldn’t leave the house until it was completely covered in glitter gel pen ink. Velvet slip dress? Check! Vaguely ’90s floral print? Check! Black choker? Check! Sun-In fried hair? Check! Transformation into a model from Delia’s 1997 prom catalog completed!

At least Taylor Swift is self-aware enough to realize how ridiculous it is that Taylor Swift – who took home 10 trophies last night – won the Taylor Swift Award. While accepting her award, Taylor made a joke about how ~awkward~ it would have been if BMI had given it to somebody else.

BMI created an award called The Taylor Swift Award because BMI is very very nice 😘

A video posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on May 11, 2016 at 1:08pm PDT

“Ha ha ha ha ha no but seriously, ‘bummed’ doesn’t even begin to describe how screwed you would have been. Taylor Swift has a lot of very expensive lawyers, and she isn’t afraid to use them. Ask anyone on Etsy – if you create something with Taylor Swift’s name on it, it belongs to Taylor Swift.”

Here’s more of Taylor looking like she got lost on her way to an audition for a L’Oreal Rouge Pulp commercial.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

The only kind of golf I’ve played is of the miniature kind, and the closest I’ve ever gotten to watching a full game is the time I watched a porn where two dudes butt boned on the green. I don’t watch golf, because if I want to fall asleep, I’ll just take an Ambien with a swig of Merlot. But PGA player Greg Owen has suddenly gotten me into golf by getting half naked to save a baby bird from death!

PGATour.com says that 44-year-old Greg and his swing instructor (which apparently isn’t someone who teaches the swinger lifestyle) Tony Ziegler were practicing for The Players Championship at TPC Sawgrass in Ponte Vedra Beach, FL when he noticed a baby blue jay in trauma. Greg tells PGATour that during his practice round, the bird fell out of a tree and flopped around him for a bit before it fell into the pond. Greg says that he watched a turtle go into the water after the bird, and another bird started pecking at the poor creature. So Greg quickly got into his Captain-Save-A-Ho outfit (read: panties, just panties), went into the water and saved that bird’s life! Tony recorded the rescue and posted it on Facebook. Behold, a half-naked hero!

Greg says that it wasn’t a staged stunt and he didn’t even know that Tony was recording it. Greg is just a lover of living things:

“There’s too much unnecessary death in this world as it is. If you can do anything to help … I’d like to think other people would do exactly the same, but I don’t know if they would or not. I’m not a hunter. I don’t hunt things. I don’t get that. I don’t shoot things. It’s not in my character. Just a natural thing for me to do (to rescue the bird). I’m not looking for any praise or anything like that.”

Great, now we’re going to hear about how a bunch of hard-up tricks were attacked by golf course gators after they went into the water while wearing a baby blue jay costume because they wanted to be rescued by a half-naked Greg Owen. Stupid asses! And yes, I’m ordering a baby blue jay costume from Amazon right now.

If the annual parade of constantly-fucking birds outside my bedroom window have taught me anything, it’s that animals get super horny in the spring. So I shouldn’t exactly be surprised that after being apart all winter, Courteney Cox confirmed that her coochie was officially off the market by strutting along the red carpet of the BMI Pop Awards last night with her former ex-fiance Johnny McDaid.

Monica Geller’s rep hinted back in March that 51-year-old Courteney and her 39-year-old Old Navy mannequin-looking Irish musician piece were giving their relationship a second chance after they called it quits on their engagement six months ago. And as you can see above, yeah, they’re together again. In case it wasn’t clear enough from Courteney and Johnny’s faces, which totally say: “Why yes, we did get to second base in the limo on the way over!“, they also confirmed they were officially back together to UsWeekly with the following exchange:

Courteney Cox: “Well, we love each other and we are – yes, we’re happy!”

Johnny McDaid: “I don’t know if you can put a label on what makes us work so well. But I know that I’ve never loved like I love this woman. So if that’s enough, then that’s enough.”

Courteney Cox: “How do I go after that? It’s poetic. I’m literally going to sound like a toad!“

A source from last night’s BMI Pop Awards also chimed in and told UsWeekly that Courteney and Johnny were “in their own little world“, and that they “stared lovingly into each other’s eyes” and exchanged “goofy little grins” all evening. Goofy little grins? Gross, who are you, Ross and Rachel?

Courteney and Johnny didn’t tell UsWeekly whether or not she has pulled her engagement ring out of whatever desk drawer she threw it in back in November. Maybe they’re taking things slow. Although I’m sure it doesn’t matter to Jennifer Aniston, who has no doubt already yanked her old Maid of Honor sash from Courteney’s first wedding out of storage and started getting to work on planning a booze-filled bachelorette party in Mexico.

Here’s more of Courteney and Johnny at the BMI Pop Awards last night looking like they just came from a city hall wedding.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Last week, The Hollywood Reporter devoted the cover to Woody Allen, and of course you know that, because you’re probably still trying to find ways to cleanse your mind of the memory of what he said about Soon-Yi. You can go ahead and take off “watch 25 ‘kitten playing with an ice cube’ videos on YouTube” and “smoke a joint cut with purifying sage” from your list of remedies to try. I tried both, and neither worked. This week, The Hollywood Reporter published an op-ed piece from Woody’s son Ronan Farrow about how Hollywood and the media continues to support a shriveled up worm who has been accused of abuse. The piece came out today, the same day that Woody’s new movie Cafe Society debuts at Cannes.

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It’s been three weeks since Kelly Ripa hauled Michael Strahan and the powers that be at Disney into a metaphorical parking lot and got into a dramatic morning show fight over Michael’s exit from Live! With Kelly and Michael. In that time, a whole lot has happened. Kelly took a break, then Kelly came back and gave a “For Your Consideration“-worthy Emmy nomination speech about respect in the workplace. I thought Kelly’s speechwriter crammed in everything she had to say that day, but apparently she has more thoughts on the matter.

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