Prepare to send a bouquet of “I’m sorry for your loss” roses to your cool teen cousin, for they will truly be shook to the core of their Nasty Gal choker by this news. According to The Sun, Cara Delevingne and singer St. Vincent (real name: Annie Clark) have once again broken up.

The Sun says they pulled the plug on their relationship during Cara’s promotional tour for Suicide Squad last month. A source says that Cara and St. Vincent liked each other, but the long-distance thing wasn’t working for them. No word on if their breakup was amicable or messy, but I like to picture Cara pressed a handful of her eyebrow hairs into St. Vincent’s palm and whispered “Remember me?” before her taxi pulled away.

This would be breakup number…three? I think? It’s confusing. 24-year-old Cara and 33-year-old St. Vincent started dating early last year, then they broke up a couple months later. Then they got back together. Then they broke up in July of 2015. Then they got back together. And now they’re broken up again. Stay tuned for next week when there will be a 50% chance that I will be typing the words “Cara Delevingne and St. Vincent are doing each other again.”

Neither Cara not St Vincent have confirmed this news themselves. But I’m sure that hasn’t stopped Kris Jenner from texting Cara and asking if she’d be willing to channel some of that recently single energy into some more gayelle-for-publicity action with Kendall Jenner. “Hi Cara! Tried to work the Harry Styles angle again, but it seems like people don’t care. Give me a call if you’d be willing to get some attention in the near future!”

Pic: Wenn.com

Before their game yesterday, several members of the Miami Dolphins took Colin Kaepernick’s lead when they peacefully protested by kneeling during the national anthem. As with every time an athlete kneels down in protest during The Star-Spangled Banner, it brought out the flaming hot feelings in many people including some famous tricks. Rob Lowe of all tricks basically said in so many characters on Twitter that any NFL player who refuses to stand should be kept in the locker room until kick-off. And big-tittied blond model Kate Upton finally gave the answer to the question we’ve all been asking ourselves since the protest started, which is: What does Kate Upton think about this?!

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Yesterday, J Harvey brought us the news that Chris Brown was done throwing “parties” in his house. So far, it appears that Chris is very committed to keeping his messy antics outside of his home. Yesterday, Chris packed up his bad energy, and took it with him it to Power 106’s annual All-Star Celebrity Basketball Game yesterday at USC. “Haven’t they suffered enough?” thought everyone at that charity.

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Before we fully get into the river of depressing smegma that this news week will probably bring, let’s raise a wig and celebrate some happy news: RuPaul finally got his hands around his first Emmy after being in the TV game for eons. HalleluRu!

If award shows always got it right, Ru would’ve gotten his first Emmy in the 90s for Best And Most Glamorous Talk Show host for Vh1’s The RuPaul Show. But since award shows mostly never get it right, that didn’t happen. It only took 20 years, but the title “Emmy-winning RuPaul” is finally a fact.

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Last month, Kesha dropped the remaining abuse allegations from her lawsuit against Dr. Luke. A few weeks earlier, she dropped her California lawsuit against Dr. Luke (the one in which she accused Dr. Luke of being a high-functioning monster). I thought that it might be the beginning of the end of this legal messiness, but that’s not the case.

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Goop’s stick is deeper than we thought. – Sheena

Upvote winner:

With friends like this, who needs enemas? – FluffKitteh

Pic: Uber Humor